Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I was with some friends and newcomers at the pub the other night, and we ended up discussing sticky situations we had fallen into. After a few too many ales I divulged one of my darker stories to the attendees that night. I will regale it here:At a house party once I consumed a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have. Just as the sun started to come up, I was stumbling round the garden on my own and suddenly, unexpectedly and violently projectile shat liquid feces all inside my boxers and jeans.Panicking, I ran around a corner of the garden, pulled down my trousers and finished the shit against a fence. Two small dogs, a scotty and a westy I seem to remember, proceeded to bound out of the side of the house and start devouring my shit in the rapidly-decreasing darkness.This was actually a blessing in disguise, as the little cunts had at least removed some of the evidence, although I can't imagine the westy didn't get any brown stuff in the bright white fur around it's mouth.I tried to clean myself up in a bathroom, but the stuff was everywhere and it stank real bad. So I mumbled a few excuses, avoided everyone and tried to make a swift exit. Except, as it was a Sunday in rural England, I was stuck without access to public transport for about 6 hours and had no cash. In the end, I walked for 4 hours and 10 miles to my home, and generally put the memory to the back of my mind.The look on some of the people's faces in the pub was understandable. It is a fairly grim tale of woe. But then some of the cunts had the audacity to declare that they had never cacked their briefs since being a toddler. Who the fuck do they think they are kidding?Pious pretentious cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Interesting, if tad smelly. And no, not all or even many of us had the pleasure of that kind. One very good reason to research for new Alzheimer's treatments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I was with some friends and newcomers at the pub the other night, and we ended up discussing sticky situations we had fallen into. After a few too many ales I divulged one of my darker stories to the attendees that night. I will regale it here:At a house party once I consumed a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have. Just as the sun started to come up, I was stumbling round the garden on my own and suddenly, unexpectedly and violently projectile shat liquid feces all inside my boxers and jeans.Panicking, I ran around a corner of the garden, pulled down my trousers and finished the shit against a fence. Two small dogs, a scotty and a westy I seem to remember, proceeded to bound out of the side of the house and start devouring my shit in the rapidly-decreasing darkness.This was actually a blessing in disguise, as the little cunts had at least removed some of the evidence, although I can't imagine the westy didn't get any brown stuff in the bright white fur around it's mouth.I tried to clean myself up in a bathroom, but the stuff was everywhere and it stank real bad. So I mumbled a few excuses, avoided everyone and tried to make a swift exit. Except, as it was a Sunday in rural England, I was stuck without access to public transport for about 6 hours and had no cash. In the end, I walked for 4 hours and 10 miles to my home, and generally put the memory to the back of my mind.The look on some of the people's faces in the pub was understandable. It is a fairly grim tale of woe. But then some of the cunts had the audacity to declare that they had never cacked their briefs since being a toddler. Who the fuck do they think they are kidding?Pious pretentious cunts.Bill you are a total liar, and a fraud, there is no way you have any friends or could afford to go to a pub, however i do believe you shit your self uncontrollably, as you are brimming over in the stuff, and i do believe the dogs ate it as they obviously enjoy the taste of the sperm mixed in with the shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick_B Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 That's why you don't let dogs lick your face. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Beware the Garrity walk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Keith Lard Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 That's why I wear my adult diapers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I reckon it happens a lot. How many times do you hear people say "I nearly shit myself"? Abdominal radiotherapy - shit yourself every day for months. Alzheimers - shit yourself every day for years. VAT inspection, uninsured accident etc - shit yourself immediately. Open the window please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 The only time that I can recall having shat myself, is when I went for an interview to become a lion tamer. Did they ask you if you thought you could fill the previous incumbants' shoes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I was out walking my dog once when a woman approached me. She pointed at the fresh shit on the pavement and said "I trust you're going to pick that up.""Mind your own fucking business," I replied, pulling up my jeans. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Went to visit a friend in nearby village. I saw a bloke sticking a small union jack flag in a pile of dog shit. He obviously has an issue with it but I don't know what he hopes to achieve. Apparently the neighbours think its funny so they deliberately collect dog shit and leave it there for him to find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 The only time that I can recall having shat myself, is when I went for an interview to become a lion tamer. Did you get the job though? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Bill Sticky Knickers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I came the closest I've ever come to doing what must have been, well, round about, er, five and a half pounds of crap in my running shorts a few years ago. The constant pounding of running can bring it on very quickly! I had to let if out in some poor cunts front garden! I know the weight of the crap 'cause they weighed it later at the forensic laboratories. And the pong from that, was fucking staggering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Bill Sticky Knickers Fucking hell gobbler, where the hell did you find that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Keith Lard Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Hey Bill, fancy wearing some adult diapers? You wouldn't have to worry about shitting yourself again.http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/291277998794?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=108&chn=ps&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0-L&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=108&ff19=0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Nahhh. I soon realised that I wasn't cut out for it, and have not looked back since.My flock of somersaulting Budgerigars, do me fine. Minty! Sob... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I've never shat myself as an adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I've never shat myself as an adult.Sez you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Yep sez me. I am in full control of my bowel movements. Does this seem strange to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Yep sez me. I am in full control of my bowel movements. Does this seem strange to you?Strange? No.A load of fucking bullshit? Yes.At the very least you've heavily streaked a pair of tighty-whities with some hench, deep brown skidders at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 No, all my pants are black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Fecal attraction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Fucking hell gobbler, where the hell did you find that? Bill Sticky Knickers wasn't the only CC member at that party! I was on stage and half way through my rendition of Aerosmith's Don't Wanna Miss A Thing when I spied this good looking bloke standing at the bar. His long glances and the glint in his eye became difficult to ignore and I just knew that if he came over and offered to buy me a drink, well, we'd be leaving together. But it wasn't to be. Wet fart white pants, what a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 I have clean pants gobbler... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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