Cunts who think baking is the new rock & roll

[and]

I happened to be passing through Bolton(a shit-hole in the North west of England, for those who don't know) when I noticed that over the Bank Holiday they're having a 'food festival'

That means a load of those so called 'celebrity chefs' will descend upon the town to demonstrate their culinary expertise.

They've blocked the town centre with tents, marquees and stalls, turned it into a right fun-fair looking mess, just so Torode and his check-trousered, big hat, shirt-lifting mates can cunt about for an audience of lardy-arsed, take-away loving, waddling blubber mountains.

So where does the 'rock & roll' come into it?

That's because these wankers actually think they're 'stars', when all they really are is a bunch of mincing canteen cooks with a tv series and a cook book to flog.

Bastard Chef, my arse, CUNTS !

 

 

[Jiggerycock]

No Sleep 'til Le Manoir aux Quatres Saisons!

Marco Pierre White Live at The Budokhan!

Flea and Anthony Kiedis discuss the best way to prevent a coulis from setting.

The Ghost of John Bonham knocks up a nouvelle cuisine masterpiece with pithiviers of ceps n' shit.

.....nope, 'fraid not. None of this works for me I'm afraid

[Guest Ahriman]

Rock & roll my arse! These dough tossers should be working in Greggs serving lukewarm steak bakes and being spat on by chavs. Any self respecting man who bakes for a living should do the world a favour and castrate himself before sticking his head in a oven. Baking is for faggots... and women.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Ahriman

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

I wonder when rock and roll will become the new rock and roll?

[Guest luke swarm]

Rock stars my arse! These dough tossers should be working in Greggs serving lukewarm steak bakes and being spat on by chavs. Any self respecting man who bakes for a living should do the world a favour and castrate himself before sticking his head in a oven. Baking is for faggots... and women.

I see you have also visited the Telford Greggs Peanut.

Its a topsy turvy and fucked up world where these cook cunts can command six figure salaries for flinging a frying pan about....its some of the crap menu terminology in Gastropubs that piss me off and aren't they all fucking Gastropubs now. Eg

Pan Fried....eh,   Jus (gravy) ,  Couli (fruit gravy) ,  Drizzled (dripped), Timbale (funny shapes), Garnish (a sprig of green stuff) and my most hated "hand cut" what the fuck else would you use to cut things, your fucking ears.

I visited a curry house in Monmouth a while back and on ordering my Ruby, the waiter Johnny asked me if I want the normal or the special at a quid more....I asked what's the special as opposed to the normal and it turns out it come in a fancier plate and has some green peppers in it....I politely told him to fuck off and get me what I ordered and a pint....He informed me that a lot of Diners "upgrade"  their dishes and the upgrade option is very popular......There are lots of gullible twats in Monmouth I would assume.         

 

 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

 and my most hated "hand cut" what the fuck else would you use to cut things, your fucking ears.

I'd always assumed this was as opposed to machine cut?

Although I'll be buggered if I know what effect that would have on the taste. 

[Guest nobgobbler]

Pan Fried....eh,   Jus (gravy) ,  Couli (fruit gravy) ,  Drizzled (dripped), Timbale (funny shapes), Garnish (a sprig of green stuff)   

 

 

bescuit (double baked or re-heated (take your pick), al dente (raw or hard as a brick), en croute (anything in a pie), rare (bleeding), pink (still mooing)

[colonelkurtz]

that pair of self important deluded fuckwits [fat four eyed cockerney twat and mincing australian twat] need a rapid introduction to the inner workings any twin roller bark stripper of your choice .. and as for the dryed up pastel colours are so me old hag in all this bakery shite ... we know you smell of piss and parma violets , so you can knock it on the head with all the dotty but posh auntie bollocks.

[Neil]

Isn't a mincing chef really a butcher?

[cuntspotter]

Fuck 'em. Nobody can make welsh cakes like my dear old mum. Bunch of self congratulatory mutual backslapping shirters.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Worse still are those two fucking unfunny borderline lesbos, mel and sue who are trying to resurrect their titanic careers with that fat serial lothario Hollywood and Mrs Arthur Grimsdyke (google, if you don't know him). Why can't we have some contestants that have the same moral compass as Harold Shipman. I might even watch it myself.

[Guest deebom]

Worse still are those two fucking unfunny borderline lesbos, mel and sue who are trying to resurrect their titanic careers with that fat serial lothario Hollywood and Mrs Arthur Grimsdyke (google, if you don't know him). Why can't we have some contestants that have the same moral compass as Harold Shipman. I might even watch it myself.

I nommed the pair of unfunny mingers a while back. They really are dreary. And baking can fuck off too.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

The only cooking men should do is on the grill. It's the only way to get a steak cooked the way it should be. Leave it to anybody else and they give you a bleeding or cremated piece of cunt meat. 

[Guest deebom]

I like cooking, I am an excellent cook. I don't do baking. In fact the first cakes I ever baked were some Peppa Pig cupcakes from a Peppa Pig packet with my kids the other day. Mel & Sue would have wet their knickers at the way I placed the Peppa Pig rice paper pictures of Peppa, George, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig on top of the icing.

Edited August 26, 2015 by deebom
Pigs.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

I like cooking, I am an excellent cook. I don't do baking. In fact the first cakes I ever baked were some Peppa Pig cupcakes from a Peppa Pig packet with my kids the other day. Mel & Sue would have wet their knickers at the way I placed the Peppa Pig rice paper pictures of Peppa, George, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig on top of the icing.

The only baking I do is when my missus gets too cold at night, closes the window adds 23 fucking blankets to the bed and curls up so close, I can't tell where my front ends and her back begins. By morning I've sweat so much I'm unconscious from dehydration gasping for fucking oxygen, the thin blooded cow. 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

Eat Shit and Die..!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

MasterChef, another venture for cunt supreme Gordon Ramsay.  He's the SImon fucking Cowell of cooking programmes.  

[Eddie]

MasterChef, another venture for cunt supreme Gordon Ramsay.  He's the SImon fucking Cowell of cooking programmes.  

Towards the end of his time at claridges, Gordon Ramsay served frozen food made off site and heated up in the kitchen at a ridiculous price. Previously the cunt lost his head chief then his mitchelin star then the restaurant. Ended up in a court battle with his father in law and lost,  A bigger fucking bell end you couldn't meet. 

[White Cunt]

Rock & roll my arse! These dough tossers should be working in Greggs serving lukewarm steak bakes and being spat on by chavs. Any self respecting man who bakes for a living should do the world a favour and castrate himself before sticking his head in a oven. Baking is for faggots... and women.

Fuck off. Mrs WC would not be seen dead baking. 

[scotty]

Worse still are those two fucking unfunny borderline lesbos, mel and sue who are trying to resurrect their titanic careers with that fat serial lothario Hollywood and Mrs Arthur Grimsdyke (google, if you don't know him). Why can't we have some contestants that have the same moral compass as Harold Shipman. I might even watch it myself.

I hate those two with a fucking vengeance,  ms p. They're like all the other token wimmin "comedians " that the bbc fawn over.  Susan calman can fuck right off as well. 

[Cuntybaws]

The new rock & roll? Have any of these cunts turned up dead at the bottom of swimming pools with syringes in their arms and live fish jammed up their arses? No, I fucking thought not. Lightweights.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Towards the end of his time at claridges, Gordon Ramsay served frozen food made off site and heated up in the kitchen at a ridiculous price. Previously the cunt lost his head chief then his mitchelin star then the restaurant. Ended up in a court battle with his father in law and lost,  A bigger fucking bell end you couldn't meet. 

Agreed. If I had a quid every time he slagged off a restaurant eye about using frozen, processed shite I'd be retired on a tropical island somewhere with my lady...probably my wife as well. My skin crawls at the very thought of the cunt. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

I'm a great cook me, just poke a hole in the top, place in microwave, set for 4 minutes and hey presto, DINNER!

You must have taken the same cooking course as my wife, bless her! 

[Guest Snatch]

...probably my wife as well. My skin crawls at the very thought of the cunt. 

Thats no way to talk about your Missus.

[Guest Gong Farmer]

Fuck 'em. Nobody can make welsh cakes like my dear old mum. Bunch of self congratulatory mutual backslapping shirters.

I can and I've got the bake stone to prove it.