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Losing your erection


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I was giving Mrs Grumps a right royal seeing too the other day and powering in like a champion when I felt the sudden urge to fart. Knowing this would be a passion killer and a waste of good Viagra, I clenched arse and tried to ignore the firestorm trying to burst through my starfish. In a desperate attempt to race said fart, I changed up a gear and started pounding in like a crazed Galapagos Turtle on speed. I was going so fast I started getting friction burn on my length and was in considerable pain so I reached for the KY jelly but to my horror I vaguely remembered eating it on dry biscuits after smoking a number the week prior as we had no food in the house. With all this on my mind, I proceeded to lose my erection. In a desperate bid to restore order I focused all my effort on flexing my cock muscle to finish the job but by doing so relaxed the considerable tension required to keep my arsepipe firmly shut. The results were disastrous as I let forth a tremendous fart the velocity of which was so great it propelled my forward, head-butting Mrs Grumps and knocking her out cold. Things only got worse when I looked behind me and realised I had misdiagnosed the need to fart and had actually thunder shit all over the new bed covers. When Mrs Grumps came too and asked what happened, I told her she shit the bed when she was out and she was a dirty cunt. She would not let me finish my shag however the rude bitch.       

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True that Ding, yesterday I was sitting on a beanbag eating my breakfast, then I realised I didn't own a beanbag and it was my massively swollen and full balls from underuse. You would be grumpy too.

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Guest DingTheRioja

That's me in the corner.... That's me in the spotlight, losing my erection........

 

Don't bring religion into this.. otherwise we will have another scandal....

 

Perhaps it's because you're Scottish?

 

No.. thats the Vote button that doesn't work for them..

 

 

Oh Grumpy? You need to get a new dealer... I think that blue pill he's selling you at the moment sounds more like DuxLax than viagra...

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Guest JackoTC

Why wont the quote button let me fucking quote? fucking fix it.

You really are a dirty bastard Grumps. You, Fender and the Rev should be dumped in a dinghy in the North sea, with only a gay porn mag, a pat of butter and a large double ended dildo. It may teach you all some morals.......although on seconds thoughts, it would probably make you all worse.

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You really are a dirty bastard Grumps. You, Fender and the Rev should be dumped in a dinghy in the North sea, with only a gay porn mag, a pat of butter and a large double ended dildo. It may teach you all some morals.......although on seconds thoughts, it would probably make you all worse.

Jacko it is too late for me I'm afraid as I'm fully converted to the darkside of the force. Here's a tip, spray fly spray up your arse and kill that bug you have living up there so you too can enjoy a laugh be it in poor taste or not and enjoy life you miserable cunt.

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Guest JackoTC

Jacko it is too late for me I'm afraid as I'm fully converted to the darkside of the force. Here's a tip, spray fly spray up your arse and kill that bug you have living up there so you too can enjoy a laugh be it in poor taste or not and enjoy life you miserable cunt.

Thanks Grumps. I would, but I'm being buggered senseless by some MP's and celebs at the moment. Perhaps later. 

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Guest JackoTC

The kids used to make this happen to me, you put the little cuntbreeds to bed at a certain time, then hit the bedroom with the missus, both right up for it, you're standing there with your General at attention, have some foreplay, lick the carpet and have missus puffing cheek, then there's a knock on your door, it's the little cuntbreed wanting a fucking drink or they are scared of the dark, so you spend the next fucking hour sorting the cuntbrat out, secretly wanting to claw hammer the invading brat, and it's one of those nights where the cunt won't settle down til fucking midnight, then finally you're in bed exhausted and no erection, kids kill your sex life, bless the little cuntbreeds hearts.

"kids kill your sex life, bless the little cuntbreeds hearts."

 

Not in Elm guest house they don't !

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