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Cunts who ring you up and the first thing they say is "So how are you today?"


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Is this another yank import? I get calls from representatives from companies at work and on my mobile from estate agents ( in the process of selling) and after they establish I'm the person they want I get "How are you today"?  Now,  they could be riddled with disease but I won't know this because I won't ask them because I dont fucking care. Because it's none of my fucking business. Therefore, don't ask me how I am because "It ain't your fucking business". I'm sick of all this nicey nicey, sanitised bollocks. 

Am I being a cunt for saying this?

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1 minute ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is this another yank import? I get calls from representatives from companies at work and on my mobile from estate agents ( in the process of selling) and after they establish I'm the person they want I get "How are you today"?  Now,  they could be riddled with disease but I won't know this because I won't ask them because I dont fucking care. Because it's none of my fucking business. Therefore, don't ask me how I am because "It ain't your fucking business". I'm sick of all this nicey nicey, sanitised bollocks. 

Am I being a cunt for saying this?

How are you today Gypps?

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4 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is this another yank import? I get calls from representatives from companies at work and on my mobile from estate agents ( in the process of selling) and after they establish I'm the person they want I get "How are you today"?  Now,  they could be riddled with disease but I won't know this because I won't ask them because I dont fucking care. Because it's none of my fucking business. Therefore, don't ask me how I am because "It ain't your fucking business". I'm sick of all this nicey nicey, sanitised bollocks. 

Am I being a cunt for saying this?

Clearly their staff training employes the 'disarming language' protocols, not realising they are now commonly known to be a precursor to 'i'm selling you shit' or 'you haven't paid your arrears'.

You're not being a cunt in my book, return their jolly-deathnote cuntisms by asking 'why do you ask?' , always throws them off.

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17 minutes ago, Cunt-End Of The World said:

Clearly their staff training employes the 'disarming language' protocols, not realising they are now commonly known to be a precursor to 'i'm selling you shit' or 'you haven't paid your arrears'.

You're not being a cunt in my book, return their jolly-deathnote cuntisms by asking 'why do you ask?' , always throws them off.

When I get calls of this nature I usually let the fucker talk for about 5 minutes and then say to them “Just give me your home phone number and I’ll call you later” I’ve had all sorts of reactions, but it’s usually “Why do you want my number?” “Why do you think? You stupid fucking cunt. Because you’ve got mine and you’re annoying me at my home, now fuck off.” Another time the ambulance chasing, claim management cunts rang me and asked about my ‘recent accident’ I said to the Scouse slag “Oh great. Will you be able to help me with that? knowing that it was just a fishing expedition. “Yes of course”she says. “Just tell me what you can about it.” “Well, It was new years eve and the wife and I were out celebrating. I was wearing a new pair of white trousers my wife had given me for Christmas, when suddenly I had a huge accident in my pants.” The soppy bitch who had been grunting to let me know she was listening, interrupted me and tersely informed me that “We don’t deal with accidents of that nature” and hung up.

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14 minutes ago, King Billy said:

When I get calls of this nature I usually let the fucker talk for about 5 minutes and then say to them “Just give me your home phone number and I’ll call you later” I’ve had all sorts of reactions, but it’s usually “Why do you want my number?” “Why do you think? You stupid fucking cunt. Because you’ve got mine and you’re annoying me at my home, now fuck off.” Another time the ambulance chasing, claim management cunts rang me and asked about my ‘recent accident’ I said to the Scouse slag “Oh great. Will you be able to help me with that? knowing that it was just a fishing expedition. “Yes of course”she says. “Just tell me what you can about it.” “Well, It was new years eve and the wife and I were out celebrating. I was wearing a new pair of white trousers my wife had given me for Christmas, when suddenly I had a huge accident in my pants.” The soppy bitch who had been grunting to let me know she was listening, interrupted me and tersely informed me that “We don’t deal with accidents of that nature” and hung up.

I had one of these and played along. I told him that a telegraph pole crashed through the windscreen taking my head clean off. I told him that a surgeon managed to stitch it back on and could he help with my claim? I then told him he was speaking to Jayne Mansfield. He  hung up. 

Obviously not a fan of platinum blonde 50s film stars. 

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I assume that any asian sounding women that call are muslims, I talk very nicely to them to gain their confidence and then begin to suggest that they have sex with pigs and/or dogs and describe the process in some detail. They quite oten seem too stunned to hang up and I've heard some very sucessful screams. I hope they go home and kill themselves.

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52 minutes ago, Hammer of Cunts said:

I assume that any asian sounding women that call are muslims, I talk very nicely to them to gain their confidence and then begin to suggest that they have sex with pigs and/or dogs and describe the process in some detail. They quite oten seem too stunned to hang up and I've heard some very sucessful screams. I hope they go home and kill themselves.

Sounds like Neil's chat up lines. 

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50 minutes ago, Hammer of Cunts said:

suggest that they have sex with pigs and/or dogs

If you suggested underage children they may have been more receptive as that appears to be the preferred choice for their religion, as practised by Mohammed, Peace be upon him.

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4 minutes ago, King Billy said:

If you suggested underage children they may have been more receptive as that appears to be the preferred choice for their religion, as practised by Mohammed, Peace be upon him.

I'm trying to upset them, not excite them.

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4 minutes ago, King Billy said:

If you suggested underage children they may have been more receptive as that appears to be the preferred choice for their religion, as practised by Mohammed, Peace be upon him.

N.O.R.W.I.C.H :

Nappy Off Ready When I Come Home

 

S.W.A.L.K :

Stabbed With A Large Knife

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3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I had one of these and played along. I told him that a telegraph pole crashed through the windscreen taking my head clean off. I told him that a surgeon managed to stitch it back on and could he help with my claim? I then told him he was speaking to Jayne Mansfield. He  hung up. 

Obviously not a fan of platinum blonde 50s film stars. 

I love it. I'm stealing it. Will be even more of a mindfuck with a man's voice.

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3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I had one of these and played along. I told him that a telegraph pole crashed through the windscreen taking my head clean off. I told him that a surgeon managed to stitch it back on and could he help with my claim? I then told him he was speaking to Jayne Mansfield. He  hung up. 

Obviously not a fan of platinum blonde 50s film stars. 

That reminds me of when a mate and me got held up in a long queue  of traffic and eventually came to a copper who was diverting all traffic  in the opposite direction on the main road to where I wanted to go. I explained to him that I needed to go the other way. He told me that the road was closed as a tree had blown down and landed on an old womans car. Stupidly I told him that I really need to go in that direction. He got a little bit insistent and said “Just do what you’re told and don’t argue”, to which my mate leaned over and said to him, “What’s the hold up. Are you still looking for her fucking teeth?”

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9 minutes ago, King Billy said:

That reminds me of when a mate and me got held up in a long queue  of traffic and eventually came to a copper who was diverting all traffic  in the opposite direction on the main road to where I wanted to go. I explained to him that I needed to go the other way. He told me that the road was closed as a tree had blown down and landed on an old womans car. Stupidly I told him that I really need to go in that direction. He got a little bit insistent and said “Just do what you’re told and don’t argue”, to which my mate leaned over and said to him, “What’s the hold up. Are you still looking for her fucking teeth?”

I was in a car with my brother and he stopped at a red light. This fat bloke started waddling across. Halfway across the light went green but we couldn't move because the fat fucker was still on the crossing. My brother lent out the window and said "Hurry up mate. I'd drive around ya but I ain't got enough diesel". 

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2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I was in a car with my brother and he stopped at a red light. This fat bloke started waddling across. Halfway across the light went green but we couldn't move because the fat fucker was still on the crossing. My brother lent out the window and said "Hurry up mate. I'd drive around ya but I ain't got enough diesel". 

Your brother sounds like a complete Neanderthal thug..

I presume you were being chauffeured in a white van on the way to the council allotted “travellers” site....

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2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I was in a car with my brother and he stopped at a red light. This fat bloke started waddling across. Halfway across the light went green but we couldn't move because the fat fucker was still on the crossing. My brother lent out the window and said "Hurry up mate. I'd drive around ya but I ain't got enough diesel". 

He would have found it impossible anyway with that  horse trailer on the back. Lucky the fat bloke wasn’t the farmer he just nicked it off.

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14 hours ago, King Billy said:

 “Well, It was new years eve and the wife and I were out celebrating. I was wearing a new pair of white trousers my wife had given me for Christmas, 

White trousers WTF. Are you an Elvis impersonator by any chance?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 04/03/2020 at 17:51, camberwell gypsy said:

after they establish I'm the person they want I get "How are you today"

My absolute piss-boiler is shop staff and clerks who greet you with "Fine thanks, and you?" before I've said a fucking word. A small irritation but just another symptom of this increasingly sleep-walking, mouth-breathing, blank screens-saver-faced human race shuffling blindly into the abyss. "We're a virus with shoes." as our lord and saviour Bill Hicks put it.

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