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Seat Toledo Servicing


Guest FuckOff

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Guest FuckOff
3 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Please, don’t let me distract you from your car maintenance thread. Perhaps you can share the procedure for setting the valve clearances on your engine, or setting the cam timing? That would be fascinating.

You wouldn't have a fucking clue anyway about those sort of tolerances, you have very little here too.

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7 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Please, don’t let me distract you from your car maintenance thread. Perhaps you can share the procedure for setting the valve clearances on your engine, or setting the cam timing? That would be fascinating.

It's @Sean5302. 

Wait for the bullshit about being a technical director at Volkswagen.

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8 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

You wouldn't have a fucking clue anyway about those sort of tolerances, you have very little here too.

FO if you know anything about cars I’d be grateful for your advice. I drove from Bordeaux to Andalucía a few weeks ago in our family motor. It’s a 2016 Audi A6 Avant 3.0 Quattro, out of warranty with about 70,000 miles. It broke down shortly before I reached my destination and was recovered to a garage in El Palmar.. Cadiz province. It wouldn’t start, just turning over and over. I’ve been quoted 3k euros for repair.. something about the diesel particulate filter, a rotten injector and some other jazz. Who do I turn to? 

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10 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Lol - I’d forgotten about that wanker. You could be right. I bet @Sean5302 didn’t work to the tolerances that FuckFace works to though. 

Yap, yap, yappity yap yap yap.

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2 hours ago, Roadkill said:

Wouldn't be seen dead in a Lambo, or a Ferrari, or a fucking Porche.

All puff cars for sad old men who think it turns them into Lewis fucking Hamilton, or trust fund brats to wrap themselves around lamp posts and die (admittedly hilariously) screaming in the twisted wreckage as the inevitable fire slowly engulfs them.

I know what you’re trying to say RK. Those three marques don’t do much for me either, but my ‘67 911 really is a beautiful understated gem. 

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2 minutes ago, Frank said:

FO if you know anything about cars I’d be grateful for your advice. I drove from Bordeaux to Andalucía a few weeks ago in our family motor. It’s a 2016 Audi A6 Avant 3.0 Quattro, out of warranty with about 70,000 miles. It broke down shortly before I reached my destination and was recovered to a garage in El Palmar.. Cadiz province. It wouldn’t start, just turning over and over. I’ve been quoted 3k euros for repair.. something about the diesel particulate filter, a rotten injector and some other jazz. Who do I turn to? 

Apologies for quoting you.
I'm assuming that your car is still in El Palmar awaiting your instruction.
If you have breakdown insurance cover, you can opt for your car to be taken back to Bordeaux where you probably know the local dealers and independent workshops and could have the repairs carried out more reasonably.
The taller in El Palmar are probably just reading fault codes from their diagnostic equipment, these are just general fault codes and can be interpreted in many ways. They are quoting you for a worst case scenario, and even if it's just an ECU reset and minor parts need they will still sting you for the 3K€ presupuesto.
Are you a fluent Spanish speaker? If not PM me the Taller/Workshop number and the car registration number and I'll call them and drill down to exactly what the problem is and how they arrive at 3K€

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Just now, FuckOff said:

Apologies for quoting you.
I'm assuming that your car is still in El Palmar awaiting your instruction.
If you have breakdown insurance cover, you can opt for your car to be taken back to Bordeaux where you probably know the local dealers and independent workshops and could have the repairs carried out more reasonably.
The taller in El Palmar are probably just reading fault codes from their diagnostic equipment, these are just general fault codes and can be interpreted in many ways. They are quoting you for a worst case scenario, and even if it's just an ECU reset and minor parts need they will still sting you for the 3K€ presupuesto.
Are you a fluent Spanish speaker? If not PM me the Taller/Workshop number and the car registration number and I'll call them and drill down to exactly what the problem is and how they arrive at 3K€

You thick cunt. He just made all that up, Sean.

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1 hour ago, Frank said:

Please don’t ever quote on any of my comments again. 

 

8 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

Apologies for quoting you.
I'm assuming that your car is still in El Palmar awaiting your instruction.
If you have breakdown insurance cover, you can opt for your car to be taken back to Bordeaux where you probably know the local dealers and independent workshops and could have the repairs carried out more reasonably.
The taller in El Palmar are probably just reading fault codes from their diagnostic equipment, these are just general fault codes and can be interpreted in many ways. They are quoting you for a worst case scenario, and even if it's just an ECU reset and minor parts need they will still sting you for the 3K€ presupuesto.
Are you a fluent Spanish speaker? If not PM me the Taller/Workshop number and the car registration number and I'll call them and drill down to exactly what the problem is and how they arrive at 3K€

Absolutely priceless.

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9 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

Apologies for quoting you.
I'm assuming that your car is still in El Palmar awaiting your instruction.
If you have breakdown insurance cover, you can opt for your car to be taken back to Bordeaux where you probably know the local dealers and independent workshops and could have the repairs carried out more reasonably.
The taller in El Palmar are probably just reading fault codes from their diagnostic equipment, these are just general fault codes and can be interpreted in many ways. They are quoting you for a worst case scenario, and even if it's just an ECU reset and minor parts need they will still sting you for the 3K€ presupuesto.
Are you a fluent Spanish speaker? If not PM me the Taller/Workshop number and the car registration number and I'll call them and drill down to exactly what the problem is and how they arrive at 3K€

Eat shit. 

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3 hours ago, FuckOff said:

Some cunt here mentioned that servicing my Seat Toledo is cheap. Not so.
Although I don’t have a Seat in my collection I have started work on renovating my Lamborghini (I’ll post up pix when the derision dies down).

I pulled out the engine and started to strip it down, the two clutch plates were badly worn so a trip to San Pedro de Alcantara this morning to get them sent off to Málaga for new facings.
I’ve replaced the release bearings with pattern parts not Lambo OEM stuff.
The heads came off easily ready for cleaning and grinding in the valves. The cylinder bores look OK with no steps. The pistons also came out fairly easily, however I noticed that there was one broken ring.
So tomorrow I’m biting on the bullet and taking the cylinders and pistons to a specialist workshop in Algeciras, Cádiz province where they will I’m sure, at great expense, hone the bores and fit new piston rings.
I’m doing all of this outside in 35ºC+ heat and getting burnt to bits.(it was 43.5ºC here last Saturday).

What a cunt I hear you all thinking, and you’re correct.

Hi Sean! What's a former Director of VW and fully fledged solicitor doing getting greased up under the bonnet of a shitty little Seat Toledo?

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Guest FuckOff

I've just spoken with one of my fellow admins on a motoring forum who has a similar Audi and he tells me that the DPF warning light should have come up on the dashboard.
They can be cleaned if not too clogged up. He also tells me that the DPF can be bypassed as a "get you home measure".
I would doubt if the Vejer audi dealer would countenance such a measure especially with 3K€ at stake, so you would have to find a local mechanic to do this for you.
Re. the injector. Where I'm going tomorrow to Algeciras there is a specialist that repairs and calibrates injectors and diesel pumps, it's a pity you can't get your car there. They will sort you out at the fraction of the 3K€ cost.

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3 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

I've just spoken with one of my fellow admins on a motoring forum who has a similar Audi and he tells me that the DPF warning light should have come up on the dashboard.
They can be cleaned if not too clogged up. He also tells me that the DPF can be bypassed as a "get you home measure".
I would doubt if the Vejer audi dealer would countenance such a measure especially with 3K€ at stake, so you would have to find a local mechanic to do this for you.
Re. the injector. Where I'm going tomorrow to Algeciras there is a specialist that repairs and calibrates injectors and diesel pumps, it's a pity you can't get your car there. They will sort you out at the fraction of the 3K€ cost.

FO, I've been nice to you so far even though other cunts are having a dig, but I'm a bit suspicious about all this talk of proxies and your willingness to talk about your location, cars and what businesses you frequent in the local area - before you take offence, its a common paranoia around here that all of us are sock puppeting cunts fucking with one another (me especially).

You're not fucking with me, are you?

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Guest FuckOff

Well you do try to be helpful and Frank the Wank did appear to be genuine.
I'll know in future not to be so obliging to any fucker asking for help.
If he does really drive that piece of shit, he is a cunt of the highest order. 

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10 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

I've just spoken with one of my fellow admins on a motoring forum who has a similar Audi and he tells me that the DPF warning light should have come up on the dashboard.
They can be cleaned if not too clogged up. He also tells me that the DPF can be bypassed as a "get you home measure".
I would doubt if the Vejer audi dealer would countenance such a measure especially with 3K€ at stake, so you would have to find a local mechanic to do this for you.
Re. the injector. Where I'm going tomorrow to Algeciras there is a specialist that repairs and calibrates injectors and diesel pumps, it's a pity you can't get your car there. They will sort you out at the fraction of the 3K€ cost.

Very much appreciated. If that’s the orange engine icon warning lamp, then yes. After waiting for over two weeks for a diagnosis, they came back with a list of faults as long as your arm. When my insurers advised him that the car will be repatriated this coming Friday, he reduced his price to 2275 euros. I don’t know who to believe. 

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1 minute ago, Roadkill said:

 

You're not fucking with me, are you?

No, Spain and Gibraltar is my location and I am an admin on two well known motoring fora.
Roopsy probably looks up my IP address and will confirm it's genuine. However I do have a VPN that I use from time to time mostly to get a UK IP address to access iPlayer.

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Guest FuckOff
4 minutes ago, Frank said:

Very much appreciated. If that’s the orange engine icon warning lamp, then yes. After waiting for over two weeks for a diagnosis, they came back with a list of faults as long as your arm. When my insurers advised him that the car will be repatriated this coming Friday, he reduced his price to 2275 euros. I don’t know who to believe. 


It's actually a warning light that looks like knob, or was that you looking in the rearview mirror?
Audi A6 Avant 3.0 Quattro indeed, as a lying cunt, if you are really from frogland you probably have Peugeot 208.
Hijo de gran puta cabron.

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6 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

Well you do try to be helpful and Frank the Wank did appear to be genuine.
I'll know in future not to be so obliging to any fucker asking for help.
If he does really drive that piece of shit, he is a cunt of the highest order. 

FO take no notice of those fuckwits. I'm stuck here in Vejer and about to have my arsehole ripped apart by some inbred grease monkey Spaniard. If you text me on my UK mobile - 0044 7714 454399 I'll send you the info on the garage. If your man in Algeciras is available, I'll happily have it transported over.

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6 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

This bloke is delivering in spades! The fucking awful arsehole vein is deeper and richer than I first thought.

Simply stunning.

Keep it coming champ, I’ll keep virtual wanking over your virtual life. Makes my real one seem almost banal by comparison.

Your life is banal I'll bet. it must stink in your council subsidised bed-sit with all of that wanking

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2 minutes ago, FuckOff said:

Your life is banal I'll bet. it must stink in your council subsidised bed-sit with all of that wanking

That’s why I need you to keep it up. I have always yearned to be vastly wealthy and a true polymath as you are. 
 

The council just euthanised one of my fighting dogs, so I’m a bit low. 

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2 minutes ago, Frank said:

FO take no notice of those fuckwits. I'm stuck here in Vejer and about to have my arsehole ripped apart by some inbred grease monkey Spaniard. 

You'll enjoy that then, better still I'm just about to post that phone number 044 7714 454399 (not that is really yours) on several Gay websites. 
A fucking Manchester location, now I know what a lowly cunt you are if you live there.

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