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Getting(back) in to the UK


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Off to Italy in 3 weeks and apparently to get back in I have to fill in a form on Gov.uk website to say where I've been,who with and where I'm going once I'm back in.Think I might just black up,smear myself with shit and ramble on in some Arabic/Swahili dialect,perhaps I'll get offered another house and weekly payments for fuck all.Cunts.

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2 minutes ago, Neil said:

Off to Italy in 3 weeks and apparently to get back in I have to fill in a form on Gov.uk website to say where I've been,who with and where I'm going once I'm back in.Think I might just black up,smear myself with shit and ramble on in some Arabic/Swahili dialect,perhaps I'll get offered another house and weekly payments for fuck all.Cunts.

Which part of Italy are you visiting ?

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You tight cunt. Don't you know you can avoid all this if you're flying via Heathrow, for a meagre £150 per person you can be tested on your way back in. Don't get too excited though as your £150 is only testing for Covid and not AIDS or some other bumders disease.

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2 hours ago, Neil said:

Off to Italy in 3 weeks and apparently to get back in I have to fill in a form on Gov.uk website to say where I've been,who with and where I'm going once I'm back in.Think I might just black up,smear myself with shit and ramble on in some Arabic/Swahili dialect,perhaps I'll get offered another house and weekly payments for fuck all.Cunts.

I suppose you'll be heading ti the heel, I recommend a brisk swim over to Sicily and a two half week stay in a refugee camp in Lampedusa so you can get yourself an education in being human. You then might return to the UK in a worthwhile condition rather than a one dimensional Mr Grumpy which is how you come across. 

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38 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

What’s this supposed to mean? You didn’t originally ask Neil where he was going, so why the comment?

It's his vanity driven idiom, that Europe is his exclusive domain, and anywhere you go, he can be there within thirty minutes. 

He's a fucking idiot.

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36 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's his vanity driven idiom, that Europe is his exclusive domain, and anywhere you go, he can be there within thirty minutes. 

He's a fucking idiot.

My thoughts precisely. Another load of bollocks from the “I know where you live” shitfuck.

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15 hours ago, Frank said:

Noted.

See you in the Piazza,Bar Gallo,I'll bring my 'Kitchen Waste Solutions' catalogue with me and we can discuss the pros and cons of various bins.I know of a lovely little negozi di scarpe locally,he'll fit you up with a proper pair of ones and twos but I dont think he'll be interested in a trade-in for those white fuckers you wear.I'll be there about 10 o'clock,how many sugars do you have in your cappuccino?.You can bring Ming if you like,maybe she could wank me off behind the fountain

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On 20/08/2020 at 15:31, Neil said:

See you in the Piazza,Bar Gallo,I'll bring my 'Kitchen Waste Solutions' catalogue with me and we can discuss the pros and cons of various bins.I know of a lovely little negozi di scarpe locally,he'll fit you up with a proper pair of ones and twos but I dont think he'll be interested in a trade-in for those white fuckers you wear.I'll be there about 10 o'clock,how many sugars do you have in your cappuccino?.You can bring Ming if you like,maybe she could wank me off behind the fountain

I was only thinking about ‘bin’ the other day. Better times. 

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15 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

I was only thinking about ‘bin’ the other day. Better times. 

He's the corners Neymar,once revered and courted by many but now a pale shadow of his former self who should just retire and fuck off whence he came never to be seen or heard of again.

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Just now, Neil said:

He's the corners Neymar,once revered and courted by many but now a pale shadow of his former self who should just retire and fuck off whence he came never to be seen or heard of again.

I'm the best on here.

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1 minute ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Do you want me to smack you across your chops with a pair of lobs?

There's two 'b's in Lobbs. 

But no 'b's in Clarks, which are just as well made, but a twentieth of the price.

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We have the opposite problem here, in that we aren’t allowed to leave the country without Government permission. Everyone is imprisoned on the island until further notice. <insert your own lazy reference to penal colonies here>

That’s penal, not penile, Neil. 

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12 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

We have the opposite problem here, in that we aren’t allowed to leave the country without Government permission. Everyone is imprisoned on the island.until further notice. <insert your own lazy reference to penal colonies here>

That’s penal, not penile, Neil. 

You could escape by tying coconuts together into a makeshift raft. 

Now that's a non lazy penal colony reference. 

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On 20/08/2020 at 07:33, Eric Cuntman said:

It's his vanity driven idiom, that Europe is his exclusive domain, and anywhere you go, he can be there within thirty minutes. 

He's a fucking idiot.

What, you think he's telling porkies about his yacht and his jet setting life?  

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