Gervais vs. Boyle

[Neil]

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

According to our local rag, The Eastern Evening News, a 'celebrity' in the form of Paul Sinah from The Chase was drinking in a Norwich pub the other night and I made a comment, "I wonder if he ordered a Vodka-martini and shook it himself", and none of the other interbred readers found it amusing. What a bunch of humourless cunts.

What's brown and sticky?

Paul Sinah after opening a can of coke.

[Frank]

39 minutes ago, Neil said:

What's brown and sticky?

Paul Sinah after opening a can of coke.

Neil. Take a look at Slowear's new collection. Their Incotex (carrot fit) trousers are to die for. How about meeting this weekend at their Marylebone boutique for fun?

https://www.slowear.com/gb-en/

 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Frank said:

Neil. Take a look at Slowear's new collection. Their Incotex (carrot fit) trousers are to die for. How about meeting this weekend at their Marylebone boutique for fun?

https://www.slowear.com/gb-en/

 

I hate you.

[Last Cunt Standing]

2 hours ago, Frank said:

Neil. Take a look at Slowear's new collection. Their Incotex (carrot fit) trousers are to die for. How about meeting this weekend at their Marylebone boutique for fun?

https://www.slowear.com/gb-en/

 

Surely even you draw the line at £185 for some fucking red swimming trunks? 

Fuck you for making me look, incidentally. 

[Wolfie]

6 hours ago, Frank said:

Neil. Take a look at Slowear's new collection. Their Incotex (carrot fit) trousers are to die for. How about meeting this weekend at their Marylebone boutique for fun?

https://www.slowear.com/gb-en/

 

Seriously, who the fuck would pay £245 for a pair of flimsy trainers witlh 'Hide Your Dreams' written on them? They may as well say 'Hide Your Arse', ffs. They wouldn't last a week in my house because the dogs would muller them. You might as well piss your money up the wall with a gorgeous restaurant meal (for two, lol) and couple of bottles of exquisite wine.

I did however recently spend a similar amount on a pair of all-leather hunting boots from Zimbabwe (my most expensive footwear purchase ever), with ethical gameskin from animals which are culled because they are injured or old or about to die, the money for which is used to help protect the land from poachers and to preserve it. They are handmade, comfortable, great for dog-walking, gardening, work etc., and they appear to be virtually indestructible. So my point is they serve many purposes and will last a long time, and are a good alternative to buying expensive branded shit made in China or Vietnam by a slitty-eyed shitpin pressing buttons on a machine. They are not cool, but I do not care.

Only an idiot would therefore spend £250 on faggy little trainers and £5-600+ on everyday footwear, which in your case probably has to suffer an onslaught of white wine spritzers, bistro bolognese sauce, and spunk. Actually, how many pairs of shoes (everything, including your white Sonny Crockett man-magnets) do you own at the time of writing? Do you always pair specific shoes with certain events or things, such as when you're shopping & lunching with your cute little Dachshund?

[Dyslexic cnut]

7 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

According to our local rag, The Eastern Evening News, a 'celebrity' in the form of Paul Sinah from The Chase was drinking in a Norwich pub the other night and I made a comment, "I wonder if he ordered a Vodka-martini and shook it himself", and none of the other interbred readers found it amusing. What a bunch of humourless cunts.

Doug Stanhope is about to tour the UK, CBB. Get on it. Nice fella. Gets the ale in and was a model tenant when he stayed in our cock-loft in the late 80’s.

[Frank]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

Seriously, who the fuck would pay £245 for a pair of flimsy trainers witlh 'Hide Your Dreams' written on them? They may as well say 'Hide Your Arse', ffs. They wouldn't last a week in my house because the dogs would muller them. You might as well piss your money up the wall with a gorgeous restaurant meal (for two, lol) and couple of bottles of exquisite wine.

I did however recently spend a similar amount on a pair of all-leather hunting boots from Zimbabwe (my most expensive footwear purchase ever), with ethical gameskin from animals which are culled because they are injured or old or about to die, the money for which is used to help protect the land from poachers and to preserve it. They are handmade, comfortable, great for dog-walking, gardening, work etc., and they appear to be virtually indestructible. So my point is they serve many purposes and will last a long time, and are a good alternative to buying expensive branded shit made in China or Vietnam by a slitty-eyed shitpin pressing buttons on a machine. They are not cool, but I do not care.

Only an idiot would therefore spend £250 on faggy little trainers and £5-600+ on everyday footwear, which in your case probably has to suffer an onslaught of white wine spritzers, bistro bolognese sauce, and spunk. Actually, how many pairs of shoes (everything, including your white Sonny Crockett man-magnets) do you own at the time of writing? Do you always pair specific shoes with certain events or things, such as when you're shopping & lunching with your cute little Dachshund?

62. Tell me about the Alpacas. 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Frank said:

62. Tell me about the Alpacas. 

He harvests the fleece and sells it for a 'wool-fee'.

happy now.

[Frank]

15 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

He harvests the fleece and sells it for a 'wool-fee'.

happy now.

There’s more to this than meets the eye. He’s been an emotional oddball from the very beginning. And he’s just bought a pair of bespoke Zimbabwean boots for crying out loud. 

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

Seriously, who the fuck would pay £245 for a pair of flimsy trainers witlh 'Hide Your Dreams' written on them? They may as well say 'Hide Your Arse', ffs. They wouldn't last a week in my house because the dogs would muller them. You might as well piss your money up the wall with a gorgeous restaurant meal (for two, lol) and couple of bottles of exquisite wine.

I did however recently spend a similar amount on a pair of all-leather hunting boots from Zimbabwe (my most expensive footwear purchase ever), with ethical gameskin from animals which are culled because they are injured or old or about to die, the money for which is used to help protect the land from poachers and to preserve it. They are handmade, comfortable, great for dog-walking, gardening, work etc., and they appear to be virtually indestructible. So my point is they serve many purposes and will last a long time, and are a good alternative to buying expensive branded shit made in China or Vietnam by a slitty-eyed shitpin pressing buttons on a machine. They are not cool, but I do not care.

Only an idiot would therefore spend £250 on faggy little trainers and £5-600+ on everyday footwear, which in your case probably has to suffer an onslaught of white wine spritzers, bistro bolognese sauce, and spunk. Actually, how many pairs of shoes (everything, including your white Sonny Crockett man-magnets) do you own at the time of writing? Do you always pair specific shoes with certain events or things, such as when you're shopping & lunching with your cute little Dachshund?

A gorgeous restaurant meal for two with a couple of exquisite bottles of wine…for £245? I know I’ve been in the cooler, but is it 1972 now?

[Wolfie]

On 21/06/2022 at 18:44, Dyslexic cnut said:

A gorgeous restaurant meal for two with a couple of exquisite bottles of wine…for £245? I know I’ve been in the cooler, but is it 1972 now?

Stop trying to make yourself sound all sophisticated, as though £245 on food & drink will get you nothing. I'm well aware you're Scouse (which immediately identifies you as nouveau riche), whose comment is probably borne from a huge inferiority complex. There's nothing you can do about it.

One can get a sublime bottle of vino for around £30-40. So, two bottles costing around 70 from 245 leaves 175. 175/2 = 90 approx. each on food. I'd say that's more than a cosy little meal at your nearest town or village gastronomes' paradise. 

[Frank]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

Stop trying to make yourself sound all sophisticated, as though £245 on food & drink will get you nothing. I'm well aware you're Scouse (which immediately identifies you as nouveau riche), whose comment is probably borne from a huge inferiority complex. There's nothing you can do about it.

One can get a sublime bottle of vino for around £30-40. So, two bottles costing around 70 from 245 leaves 175. 175/2 = 90 approx. each on food. I'd say that's more than a cosy little meal at your nearest town or village gastronomes' paradise. 

It’s nothing to do with sophistication, you fucking lowbrow drip. Some of us live on a level that someone of your means will never comprehend. Alpacacunt. 

[Penny Farthing]

On 21/06/2022 at 16:49, Wolfie said:

Seriously, who the fuck would pay £245 for a pair of flimsy trainers witlh 'Hide Your Dreams' written on them? They may as well say 'Hide Your Arse', ffs. They wouldn't last a week in my house because the dogs would muller them. You might as well piss your money up the wall with a gorgeous restaurant meal (for two, lol) and couple of bottles of exquisite wine.

I did however recently spend a similar amount on a pair of all-leather hunting boots from Zimbabwe (my most expensive footwear purchase ever), with ethical gameskin from animals which are culled because they are injured or old or about to die, the money for which is used to help protect the land from poachers and to preserve it. They are handmade, comfortable, great for dog-walking, gardening, work etc., and they appear to be virtually indestructible. So my point is they serve many purposes and will last a long time, and are a good alternative to buying expensive branded shit made in China or Vietnam by a slitty-eyed shitpin pressing buttons on a machine. They are not cool, but I do not care.

Only an idiot would therefore spend £250 on faggy little trainers and £5-600+ on everyday footwear, which in your case probably has to suffer an onslaught of white wine spritzers, bistro bolognese sauce, and spunk. Actually, how many pairs of shoes (everything, including your white Sonny Crockett man-magnets) do you own at the time of writing? Do you always pair specific shoes with certain events or things, such as when you're shopping & lunching with your cute little Dachshund?

Alpaca trekking?

[Goober]

2 hours ago, Frank said:

It’s nothing to do with sophistication, you fucking lowbrow drip. Some of us live on a level that someone of your means will never comprehend. Alpacacunt. 

What are your thoughts on adding pickled onion flavour Monster Munch to a cheese sandwich? 

[Cuntybaws]

8 minutes ago, Goober said:

What are your thoughts on adding pickled onion flavour Monster Munch to a cheese sandwich? 

Only a philistine would add Monster Munch to a Pule donkey cheese sandwich. That delicacy simply cries out for Space Raiders.

[Goober]

27 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Only a philistine would add Monster Munch to a Pule donkey cheese sandwich. That delicacy simply cries out for Space Raiders.

Good call.

Or you could track down these rare beasts:

However, at 65p a bag (or double that in a pub), only someone of Frank's means could afford such luxury. 

[Eric Cuntman]

53 minutes ago, Goober said:

What are your thoughts on adding pickled onion flavour Monster Munch to a cheese sandwich? 

Is it best to put them in whole or crush them up a bit? 

[Goober]

15 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Is it best to put them in whole or crush them up a bit? 

I'd imagine the picked onion flavour hit would be maximised if the surface area to volume ratio is increased, so that argues for crushing them up, or maybe just breaking off the toes. 

Not to mention that you'd need a gob the size of a fucking horse's to eat a sandwich made from door stop crusty bread, mature cheddar and whole Monster Munch. 

[Eric Cuntman]

11 minutes ago, Goober said:

I'd imagine the picked onion flavour hit would be maximised if the surface area to volume ratio is increased, so that argues for crushing them up, or maybe just breaking off the toes. 

Not to mention that you'd need a gob the size of a fucking horse's to eat a sandwich made from door stop crusty bread, mature cheddar and whole Monster Munch. 

It's proper advice like this that's missing from cookery programmes. 

I have never, once seen Heston Blumenthal or Gordon Ramsay demonstrate the correct method of overlapping salt n vinegar crisps in a cheese bap. Pretentious fucking cunts.

[Goober]

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's proper advice like this that's missing from cookery programmes. 

I have never, once seen Heston Blumenthal or Gordon Ramsay demonstrate the correct method of overlapping salt n vinegar crisps in a cheese bap. Pretentious fucking cunts.

I like to arrange them such that they mimic the pattern of the scales on an Icelandic mermaid's arse. 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Only a philistine would add Monster Munch to a Pule donkey cheese sandwich. That delicacy simply cries out for Space Raiders.

Scotch pie with cheesy mashed potato in the bit on top. That would probably get you a Michelin star in ghillie-jocko land.

[Cuntybaws]

8 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I have never, once seen Heston Blumenthal or Gordon Ramsay demonstrate the correct method of overlapping salt n vinegar crisps in a cheese bap. 

It's taken mathematicians 400 years to agree on the the best way of stacking oranges, so don't hold your breath waiting for an answer to this one.

"A new solution to the mathematical problem of packing spheres"

[Cuntybaws]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Scotch pie with cheesy mashed potato in the bit on top. That would probably get you a Michelin star in ghillie-jocko land.

Have you ever come across a macaroni pie? (Not literally, although you could be forgiven if you had.)

[Dyslexic cnut]

4 hours ago, Wolfie said:

Stop trying to make yourself sound all sophisticated, as though £245 on food & drink will get you nothing. I'm well aware you're Scouse (which immediately identifies you as nouveau riche), whose comment is probably borne from a huge inferiority complex. There's nothing you can do about it.

One can get a sublime bottle of vino for around £30-40. So, two bottles costing around 70 from 245 leaves 175. 175/2 = 90 approx. each on food. I'd say that's more than a cosy little meal at your nearest town or village gastronomes' paradise. 

I see. I also see the wine is now ‘sublime’ as opposed to ‘exquisite.’ Does that make it cheaper then? Thanks for the maths and geography lesson, but I hear a rattle. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Only a philistine would add Monster Munch to a Pule donkey cheese sandwich. That delicacy simply cries out for Space Raiders.

For lovers of such gastronomic highlights, I can recommend Scampi Fries and Dairylea, between two bits of Mighty White.

I believe it’s called a “Jayda Fransen” by those in the know. 

Enjoy. 

Incidentally, settle an argument. Can you still buy McCowans’ Highland Toffee in the UK?