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Funeral plan adverts


Clavo
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I suppose that it is good to have a plan to pay for your final disposal. However these plans seem to always be promoted by some patronising cunt and add things like leave something extra .. well the extra can get fucked. The personalities used to promotes these adverts are usually patronising or creepy coffin dodging cunts the even worse sinister cows as used on a ad that he used on the inside of Stagecoach buses (see a certain avatar). The funeral plan companies are all greasy robbing cunts along with the undertakers, crems and burial ground owners. It would actually be far better if upon our death we were simply boiled down into soap and bonemeal. I for one do not want to be sitting in the old cunts seat on a bus staring at one of these adverts so Stagecoach can fuck off for allowing such adverts on their buses.

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  • Clavo changed the title to Funeral plan adverts
2 hours ago, Dawn Chorus said:

I suppose that it is good to have a plan to pay for your final disposal. However these plans seem to always be promoted by some patronising cunt and add things like leave something extra .. well the extra can get fucked. The personalities used to promotes these adverts are usually patronising or creepy coffin dodging cunts the even worse sinister cows as used on a ad that he used on the inside of Stagecoach buses (see a certain avatar). The funeral plan companies are all greasy robbing cunts along with the undertakers, crems and burial ground owners. It would actually be far better if upon our death we were simply boiled down into soap and bonemeal. I for one do not want to be sitting in the old cunts seat on a bus staring at one of these adverts so Stagecoach can fuck off for allowing such adverts on their buses.

I think this idea had been extensively explored before, but had fallen out of favour with the post-war public. Bear in mind that the hides would be much larger nowadays and perhaps the luggage and furniture industry could find the right application for those Human Resources.

 The soap will get the stamp of approval of the green factions if you put organic essential oils into it. I’m not that fussy, so a strong cologne perfume is fine, as long as it’s triple-milled and comes wrapped up in tissue and in nice packaging.

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I haven't given this too much thought personally, mainly because I have no intention of ever dying, but I have told Mrs Baws she can expect a Zoroastrian funeral at the bottom of the garden, and a cardboard box at best for any remaining bones. Not that I need the money, but that few grand saved will be far better spent in principle on coke and hookers.

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9 hours ago, Dawn Chorus said:

I suppose that it is good to have a plan to pay for your final disposal. However these plans seem to always be promoted by some patronising cunt and add things like leave something extra .. well the extra can get fucked. The personalities used to promotes these adverts are usually patronising or creepy coffin dodging cunts the even worse sinister cows as used on a ad that he used on the inside of Stagecoach buses (see a certain avatar). The funeral plan companies are all greasy robbing cunts along with the undertakers, crems and burial ground owners. It would actually be far better if upon our death we were simply boiled down into soap and bonemeal. I for one do not want to be sitting in the old cunts seat on a bus staring at one of these adverts so Stagecoach can fuck off for allowing such adverts on their buses.

I fucking hate these things. I mean as soon as I bump into someone I know the first thing we talk about is funeral plans "ooh that sounds the ticket. What's that number again"?

Michael Parkinson (is he still using up oxygen?) Is/was a cunt. 

 

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5 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

I haven't given this too much thought personally, mainly because I have no intention of ever dying, but I have told Mrs Baws she can expect a Zoroastrian funeral at the bottom of the garden, and a cardboard box at best for any remaining bones. Not that I need the money, but that few grand saved will be far better spent in principle on coke and hookers.

on coke and hookers

you may not last much longer than the missus, but you'll have a fucking good time. 

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On 23/07/2021 at 09:54, White Cunt said:

I think this idea had been extensively explored before, but had fallen out of favour with the post-war public. Bear in mind that the hides would be much larger nowadays and perhaps the luggage and furniture industry could find the right application for those Human Resources.

 The soap will get the stamp of approval of the green factions if you put organic essential oils into it. I’m not that fussy, so a strong cologne perfume is fine, as long as it’s triple-milled and comes wrapped up in tissue and in nice packaging.

I suppose being boiled down into soap would bring comfort to you. Imagine some beautiful woman rubbing you into her minge and arse crack? Dying don't seem so bad, eh? Mind you, you could be unlucky and have punkape using you to grease up his cock ready to chuck it up his Nigerian boyfriend's 'arris. 

I'll leave you with that thought. You're welcome 

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1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I suppose being boiled down into soap would bring comfort to you. Imagine some beautiful woman rubbing you into her minge and arse crack? Dying don't seem so bad, eh? Mind you, you could be unlucky and have punkape using you to grease up his cock ready to chuck it up his Nigerian boyfriend's 'arris. 

I'll leave you with that thought. You're welcome 

This is quite disturbing, actually. I can imagine the discerning pretty young women, purchasing and using the products on their tender and shapely young bodies, and at the same time the nightmare of Frank soaping his spindly legs and Punkers furiously soaping his arse hole in preparation for the summer festival.
What really makes it a given, is the keen adherence of those two fussed individuals to purloining the higher end of beauty range in pursuit of their hygiene regime…

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54 minutes ago, White Cunt said:

This is quite disturbing, actually. I can imagine the discerning pretty young women, purchasing and using the products on their tender and shapely young bodies, and at the same time the nightmare of Frank soaping his spindly legs and Punkers furiously soaping his arse hole in preparation for the summer festival.
What really makes it a given, is the keen adherence of those two fussed individuals to purloining the higher end of beauty range in pursuit of their hygiene regime…

WC you witless fuck, why are you suddenly coming over all plummy? Attending night school with Neil? Purloining my arse. 

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Just now, Dyslexic cnut said:

Apparently, that’s my job, Frank…🙈

DC I've just bought myself a packet of Trebor Extra Strong mints to camouflage my cock and booze lunchtime breath. Not only are they half the size, they disappear on your tongue after two fucking sucks! What is going on in this world?

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7 minutes ago, Frank said:

DC I've just bought myself a packet of Trebor Extra Strong mints to camouflage my cock and booze lunchtime breath. Not only are they half the size, they disappear on your tongue after two fucking sucks! What is going on in this world?

Not for me to say, but it could be technique issue?

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7 minutes ago, Frank said:

DC I've just bought myself a packet of Trebor Extra Strong mints to camouflage my cock and booze lunchtime breath. Not only are they half the size, they disappear on your tongue after two fucking sucks! What is going on in this world?

The simplest solution would be to lay off the cock for a while, and get pissed after eight (p.m.)

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10 minutes ago, White Cunt said:

The simplest solution would be to lay off the cock for a while, and get pissed after eight (p.m.)

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

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7 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

Excessive milling about with extra leering may ruffle a few feathers and get them moving.

If that fails, just cut power supply.

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43 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

Blindfold each of them, tell them it's an 'escape room' game (apparently young people love these) and load them all up into Neil's rascal. Tell them that the screams they hear are just sound effects and not to worry and keep their blindfolds on. I'm sure Neil will just charge you for the cement and paving slabs. 

You're welcome 

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48 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’.....s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

Open two more bottles, serve, wait..............playtime, they'll never know why they've got a sore 'arris.

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1 hour ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

Get Twister out and select the 3 fittest ones to play. Shut all the windows and crank your central heating up too.

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4 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Get Twister out and select the 3 fittest ones to play. Shut all the windows and crank your central heating up too.

CBB…my daughter is the 2nd fittest…there’s the dichotomy. Honestly, a simple request for advice on dealing with nuisance teenagers has led to a very dark place. Gypps is female too…you’re all a fuckin disgrace. Probably.

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12 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

CBB…my daughter is the 2nd fittest…there’s the dichotomy. Honestly, a simple request for advice on dealing with nuisance teenagers has led to a very dark place. Gypps is female too…you’re all a fuckin disgrace. Probably.

Flip the master switch on the breaker box. Tell the cunts there's a power cut.

If they don't fuck off after that, order the greasiest, cheapest kebab you can find, wash it down with some White Lightning and slowly gas the cunts. If that doesn't work, get your cock out and piss on them until they fuck off - that's sterile.

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