Billy Bragg

[Eric Cuntman]

On 25/09/2022 at 20:51, King Billy said:

That’s made me laugh even more than the two tarts attempting to play snooker now on ITV 4.

I saw that. O’Sullivan v Robertson, but in between turns, a couple of women came out and moved the balls around, then watched them come to a stop. I think they were checking the balls were spherical or something.

They didn’t lose many down those hazard trap holes round the outside. Impressive.

[King Billy]

2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I saw that. O’Sullivan v Robertson, but in between turns, a couple of women came out and moved the balls around, then watched them come to a stop. I think they were checking the balls were spherical or something.

They didn’t lose many down those hazard trap holes round the outside. Impressive.

Ronnie should have turned up with Shaun Murphy in a mini skirt and fishnets as his partner. Anyone who raised an eyebrow when they romped to the title could then have been branded a transphobic bigot.

[Wolfie]

On 28/09/2022 at 03:25, Last Cunt Standing said:

Goodness. Am I mistaken for taking the tone of this opus to be a little break in hostilities? At the risk of blundering into a trap, I will take it that way, intended or not, and answer your question in paragraph three. 

The truth is there are many things I miss about the UK, and any list of five would be very fluid. I spent most of my life there, was educated there, worked there, and have many friends still there (though a few less since lots scarpered about 2016, I was a few years behind them). The internet means obvious things like the telly, radio, comedy or sport, don’t apply, as I’m fond of sitting on the verandah in the morning sun with a bit of Radio 5 or Sky News on in the background. Here’s a little list then, as you ask. 

a) Winter. It’s funny, but all those years sweeping snow off your windscreen means you neglect the beauty of a midwinter day. While working in it was miserable, I did love a walk in deep snow, into a biting cold wind, pausing for a cup of Heinz Tomato from the flask sitting on a dry stone wall. It’s majestic. The winters here are wet, and cooler, but I haven’t been properly cold since The Beast from The East and much to my surprise, I miss it. 

b) Scottish Highlands. Man, I miss them. I had some of my happiest days there. It’s the only place in the UK I’d consider going back for. While Australia does have an undeniable stark beauty, for me the Highlands are other worldly. And they are wasted on most Brits who think Scotland ends at Waverley Station, which suits most Scots, to be fair. 

c) Spontaneity. I loved being able to jump on a train or a plane and be somewhere else nice, and quickly. From our bit of England, we could easily be in Barcelona, Paris, or Milan for a long weekend. Or within the UK, Belfast, Glasgow, Cornwall were all easy. Now I’m five hours by plane from the nearest major city (I don’t count Adelaide) and that’s much more of an effort, even with more time on my hands. 

d) Food. I love lots of Aussie food, but it does have some quirks and occasionally I’ll moan to the wife about having to import at ruinous expense Worcester Sauce crisps, decent bacon, proper cheese (though they’ve gotten a lot better with the latter). It says something that on my last trip to London I spent longer in M&S Food than almost anywhere else. Sandwiches! Why does no one sell proper sandwiches here?

e) Decorum. I love the Aussies for many things, and their direct, on-the-nose no bullshit manner is usually great fun. But on occasion, my inner Pom sensibilities can jangle when some subjects, completely alien to even a group of lads in the pub, get brought up. In all my adult years, I don’t think I ever asked someone how much they earned, or the detail of what they got up to in the bedroom, and certainly never in a social setting. That such things are so commonplace here still seems odd. 

That’s enough. I sense I have given you plenty of ammunition there, but whatever. I could have made a similar list of five things I don’t miss about the UK, or five I love about Australia, but I’ll keep that to myself. I know it’s easy to paint me as a bitter anti-Brit, but that’s quite a lazy conclusion. As I’ve said before, I love the UK, I’m just very sad at what she’s become. 

Now, pleasant as it has been kicking a ball around no-man’s land, get back into your trench, you stupid Cunt. 

I haven’t seen a snake in the wild for four years, and that was in the New Forest.

What the fuck is Marmite?

It's unlike you to be so verbose, lol.

I knew you had it in you. There's so much ammo above I feel somewhat overwhelmed. But you responded to my post in the manner it was intended, so I'll magnanimously do the same.

In truth, my visits to other countries have served as a great remedy for returing to a generally chilly, grey, damp England. There's still no place like it. It always feels like home.

The US and NZ are genuinely only two countries I've visited I would consider moving to. In spite of being in Australia for more than six months many eons ago, I was fairly happy to move on. It's a harsh climate full of harsh people. I have enjoyed some bushtucker in the past, but that was at a party in London some years back during days of youthful hedonism.

I hope we can however agree Bragg is a colossal cunt, yes? In spite of those with 'financial success who still take an interest in the welfare of your fellow man', surely his actions therefore make him an absolute fucking pretender in so much as he's become the very thing he despises in his songs. You'd have thought his moral compass might have guided him away from selling his mansion to a banker from London for a huge profit. But the lure of a capitalist's gain proved too much, even for him.

I'll return to my trench from no-man's land, now that you have provided me with such an arsenal of future projectiles which, at this moment in time, will be placed in the defunct weapons depot. All I therefore have left to say is whenever I wish to access my profile, all I have to do is click on my avatar from the week/month leaderboard, whereas you have to scroll through to yours.

Underachieving wanker.

[Last Cunt Standing]

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

It's unlike you to be so verbose, lol.

I knew you had it in you. There's so much ammo above I feel somewhat overwhelmed. But you responded to my post in the manner it was intended, so I'll magnanimously do the same.

In truth, my visits to other countries have served as a great remedy for returing to a generally chilly, grey, damp England. There's still no place like it. It always feels like home.

All I therefore have left to say is whenever I wish to access my profile, all I have to do is click on my avatar from the week/month leaderboard, whereas you have to scroll through to yours.

Underachieving wanker.

Tut. 

Appearing on the leaderboard is clearly a source of some pride for you.

Obviously, I am bereft not to be in such esteemed company. 

[Wolfie]

3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Tut. 

Appearing on the leaderboard is clearly a source of some pride for you.

Obviously, I am bereft not to be in such esteemed company. 

Well, at least is shows I don't rely on spelling/correction software to hinder or hamper, thus allowing me to write/post with spontaneity, in contrast to your meticulously clean, and obviously stuttered, spellchecked-OCD posting style? With you, it's as though I'm communicating with an overly considered robot with some kind of chronic stammer. 

[Penny Farthing]

2 hours ago, Wolfie said:

It's unlike you to be so verbose, lol.

I knew you had it in you. There's so much ammo above I feel somewhat overwhelmed. But you responded to my post in the manner it was intended, so I'll magnanimously do the same.

In truth, my visits to other countries have served as a great remedy for returing to a generally chilly, grey, damp England. There's still no place like it. It always feels like home.

The US and NZ are genuinely only two countries I've visited I would consider moving to. In spite of being in Australia for more than six months many eons ago, I was fairly happy to move on. It's a harsh climate full of harsh people. I have enjoyed some bushtucker in the past, but that was at a party in London some years back during days of youthful hedonism.

I hope we can however agree Bragg is a colossal cunt, yes? In spite of those with 'financial success who still take an interest in the welfare of your fellow man', surely his actions therefore make him an absolute fucking pretender in so much as he's become the very thing he despises in his songs. You'd have thought his moral compass might have guided him away from selling his mansion to a banker from London for a huge profit. But the lure of a capitalist's gain proved too much, even for him.

I'll return to my trench from no-man's land, now that you have provided me with such an arsenal of future projectiles which, at this moment in time, will be placed in the defunct weapons depot. All I therefore have left to say is whenever I wish to access my profile, all I have to do is click on my avatar from the week/month leaderboard, whereas you have to scroll through to yours.

Underachieving wanker.

You ok Wolfie? .. its not like you to be shouting your head off like this.

[Eric Cuntman]

12 minutes ago, Penelope Alive said:

You ok Wolfie? .. its not like you to be shouting your head off like this.

Little Carl seems very agitated today.

[Wolfie]

On 30/09/2022 at 14:06, Penelope Alive said:

You ok Wolfie? .. its not like you to be

 

On 30/09/2022 at 08:45, Penelope Alive said:

You ok Ape?

'You ok? Good morning Wolfie/Ape, how are you today?'

You one-dimensional, insincere, somber, lonely, childless, never-been-in-a-relationship, Bernie Big Dick trolling thickster freak.

Many would have been destroyed by the rightful ridicule you bring on yourself, if it wasn't for a shell as thick as your foreskin.

[Roadkill]

43 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Little Carl seems very agitated today.

He must have got some reality on him.

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Penelope Alive said:

You ok Wolfie? .. its not like you to be shouting your head off like this.

Could you be more fucking tedious?

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Tut. 

Appearing on the leaderboard is clearly a source of some pride for you.

Obviously, I am bereft not to be in such esteemed company. 

Don’t knock it, Doc. Featuring on the board lifts one’s whole week, trust me. You’ll know precisely what I’m on about when you become talented enough. Do press on.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Don’t knock it, Doc. Featuring on the board lifts one’s whole week, trust me. You’ll know precisely what I’m on about when you become talented enough. Do press on.

It gets boring.

[King Billy]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Tut. 

Appearing on the leaderboard is clearly a source of some pride for you.

Obviously, I am bereft not to be in such esteemed company. 

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Tbh it doesn’t even come close to the buzz I got when I knocked out Tyson in the first round in Vegas, fucked Shakira up the arse while she was licking out Beyoncé at the after party, then won the Indy 500 the following day with a massive hangover and a really itchy cock.

[King Billy]

4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Could you be more fucking tedious?

Do you really need to ask DC?

[Eric Cuntman]

22 minutes ago, King Billy said:

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Tbh it doesn’t even come close to the buzz I got when I knocked out Tyson in the first round in Vegas, fucked Shakira up the arse while she was licking out Beyoncé at the after party, then won the Indy 500 the following day with a massive hangover and a really itchy cock.

Imagine how pleased with myself I’m going to be when I invent a cure for blackness.

[King Billy]

6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Imagine how pleased with myself I’m going to be when I invent a cure for blackness.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news Eric but the baseball bat has already been invented.

[Dyslexic cnut]

2 hours ago, King Billy said:

Do you really need to ask DC?

Fuckin nob head, him, Bill.

[Dyslexic cnut]

On 30/09/2022 at 19:28, King Billy said:

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Tbh it doesn’t even come close to the buzz I got when I knocked out Tyson in the first round in Vegas, fucked Shakira up the arse while she was licking out Beyoncé at the after party, then won the Indy 500 the following day with a massive hangover and a really itchy cock.

No fingering?

[Eric Cuntman]

4 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

No fingering?

Of course there was fingering. It inspired Beyoncé to write ‘Put A Ring On It’.

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Of course there was fingering. It inspired Beyoncé to write ‘Put A Ring On It’.

Ethnically-driven musty quim…surely?