KingRollo

Why thank you young Eric. I have been following the splendid example of @King Billy, a most generous monarch. He's also agreed not to snitch on me over the matter of the gamey geese I purloined off a certain faux-french fowl-botherer, so I'd definitely say I owe him one.

Nonsense! You'll always have the warmest of invitations for a spot of croquet on the lawn here, no need to waste your time with tedious board games and disturbing youth!

Or poking a peacock, or stabbing a swan...

Do you think strangling a goose is as satisfying as choking a chicken?

I'll fetch the guillotine!

Je suis d'accord!

It is certainly hard work when the sceptre is enormous (I've heard the rumours...)

She'd enjoy that, I am sure. Just mind you don't give her anything!

Queen Gwen was muttering something about getting on her tits the other night. I wasn't listening and completely misunderstood her. Let's just say the evening didn't end well, and as I sat on my throne, black eyed, polishing the royal sceptre, I wondered whether the thrills and spills of our relationship are truly worth it.

Goodness, what an honour. Queen Gwen and I would be most delighted. I have heard about your son's friend, Andrew. Sounds like a rather tiresome, useless and frankly unsavoury character. In many respects, he might fit the bill for this forum but I understand that he and his like are not welcome. Rightly so. The food sounds deliciously exotic, quite a change from the geese that I have obtained from some pretend French OAP whose skills in using translation apps surpass only his skills in speaking nonsense - in English, of course. (He doesn't know, so I'd thank you for your discretion, but in any case his geese seem almost happy to be put out of their misery as Cook dispatches them and for some reason, they have an unpleasant, gamey flavour). As for the crowns, I'll gratefully accept - I won't deny the Court has fallen on hard times ever since our most valued assets - a pair of statues of the city founders - were dragged across the pleasure beach and off the pier, all because some chaps' great grandparents were apparently underpaid when building the palace. Not only are we down a tonne of gold, the helter-skelter got damaged and the mini canoes are completely out of use. With sincere devotion, KR & QG

You have some truly strange habits, Scrotie.

Guilty as charged, milord.

The word just loses impact with each repitition. Your "cutting" remarks would be a good deal improved without all the profanity. E.g. Begone you contemptuous fool! See how easy that was?

I do not dirty my hands with such sordid business. You'd have to ask Wizard...

Watch your lip, young Gyps... there's plenty of space for the likes of you in the dungeons...

Regal, magestic and magnanimous. I have much to learn from you. Your humble servant, KING ROLLO

I'm afraid Mr D is beneath my royal notice.

@King Billy I must confess to feeling slightly jealous of your crown ... where did you get it please?

Oooooh, I've heard of that place - doesn't it have all those rollercoasters and pedaloes?

The errors are not in the grammar, just the poor lexical choices and the frankly limited sentence construction. I recommend a brief study of synonyms and a temporary abstinence from swearing ... it's a lazy way to convey emotion...

Now, Edward, two words with the same root in a single clause sentence is a poor effort - the palace professor would probably state that a little development in vocabulary would do no harm ... or at least a thesaurus?

He's right you know, he was no monarch...

We've put a stop to this in the Kingdom - the dungeons are heaving hotbeds of infection transmission but, as Cook says, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!

Don't be silly.

Time to dust off that old '80s public health campaign: "Don't die of ignorance"? Gave me nightmares... poor Queen Gwen went hungry for a year...