Eric Cuntman

I bet you don’t even bother to sweep the dead prozzies out of the back do you.

ZZ Top.

I actually like that better than the right answer.

A flids preferred brand of car polish?

Are you supposed to wash them? Mine just keeps working if I put oil in it once a year and change the big rubber band on the end of the engine every five years.

I asked for a bacon roll in ASDAs cafe. She asked… “would you like butter in it?” Since when did that become an optional extra? I wasn’t in a venomous mood otherwise I would have asked if it was also available minus the bread roll and bacon too. This is the fault of millennials. They’re all fucking scared of everything… tobacco alcohol sugar fat In fact the only thing they’re not scared of, is the one thing that is likely to kill them. Darkies.

If Jesus was Middle Eastern, why has he got a Mexican name? They didn’t really think that through when they made up the bible.

So was Alexander Duckham.

You’re not alone.

Poof

Bill Bixby. I’ve been trying to place it all day and ended up stuck on Lewis Collins.

Uncanny. My uncle had an umbrella where he kept an elephant’s leg.

I had a soft spot for him despite everything he got up to. He was the Ronnie O’Sullivan of American Football. Regarded as the greatest ever to this day. If your restaurant had actually existed, Judgetwi would’ve told you all about it.

A bottle of amyl-nitrate and a ‘Soldier Soldier’ box set. Lol lol

Doctor.

That’s the second time you’ve none too subtly reminded me that DC called me a ‘twat’. Are you shit-stirring?

I’m in Frank’s head and he doesn’t like it.

I became less angry with the world after Little Mix split up.

Ok. I won’t reply.

I want him in the cartel. I want to give him a big gun and make him dress like B.A Baracus.

I am one of the more reasonable and easy going members on here. But I’m also the most evil cunt when it gets mistaken for weakness. I turn into satan and you don’t want me in your head. So don’t get too cosy under my capacious wing. And @entitled little cunt… you’ve got Ape totally wrong. He won’t thank me for this but he’s actually one of the nicest cunts on here. You’re not a total lost cause, I would have euthanised you personally were that the case, but you still haven’t worked out the dynamic yet. Hurry the fuck up and learn shit you dawdling spastic.

When I was watching that as a kid, race didn’t really come into it. She was just a bird with a nice arse in a short skater dress. Same as I didn’t really think about Floella Benjamin or Derek Griffiths being black. They were just people on the telly. Racism is a thing that black people invent when they’ve got things they want but aren’t prepared to work for. Either claim victimhood and the compensation that comes with it, or just fucking stab some cunt and steal it anyway.

I thought it was Bjork.

Never mind your stammering Ed. Have you found any treatments for your skin impediment?

I’ll try and find it.