Eric Cuntman

I was going to get one of those Karrimor Covert things for hikes. But I got the Highlander one instead because it looks like something Rambo McNabb would have.

I can eat that. But I only like Milky Bar chocolate. Cadburys white chocolate is shit. And Milky Bar buttons are bestest.

I rather like her. A classier version of Michelle Collins who isn’t afraid to kick transgenders in the bollocks (that they have but don’t have). I’d marry her for 1% of her current fortune.

That bloke had his cock tucked in! 🎵goodbye 🐎 🎵

Makes me puke and shit through the eye of a needle. I could eat milk chocolate when I was a kid but I seem to have become allergic to it as I’ve gotten older. I prefer Caramac’s anyway.

Plain. I wouldn’t have eaten them if chocolate was present. It’s the one thing I can’t eat besides cock (before I get compared to ‘Brokeback Kleftiko’). The darker the chocolate, the sicker it makes me feel. If someone opens a bar of that 70% cocoa shit, I have to leave the room. Anyway. The plain vanilla fudge in batter was heavenly. If you like choc-choc however, fill yer brogues.

Poof

I think it’s just a quick headbutt and stabbing at your door.

Look up ‘Munchy Box’ on Google. You get them for a tenner in Scottish takeaways. For an extra couple of quid they’ll deep fry the fucking lot.

What a disgusting ginger cunt. What manner of creosoted slags frequent this place? They all look like they need dipping in Domestos.

True story. My Glaswegian colleague once tried dipping chunks of vanilla fudge in batter and deep frying them. They were fucking incredible.

Nothing wrong with ambition, but you do seem a bit preoccupied with celebrities. Perhaps you should target a more attainable woman? Supermarkets are a a superb place to find one. You can see whether you have similar tastes by what she buys. And you can get an idea of her personality from how she conducts herself in the checkout queue. Although supermarkets tend to have car park CCTV. So probably best to follow her for a while before attempting an abduction.

Occasionally I remember.

Never tapped it out. Sidebar bollocks.

This is what happens when they fall out of the spotlight. Notice the whimsical details that he adds to the stories to make them sound like recollections rather than fabrications… “it was so close I could have hit it with a tennis ball!”. What a fucking cunt.

You seem very taken with her Pegsy. Is there any chance of the two of you getting together?

I think the vast majority of people are wise to how much the media vampires earn from the advertising which occupies 40% of their airtime. The cunts who sign up to have their Zafira deloused and tidied up are getting an appearance fee as well as any work done free. I hope Mike Brewer’s dead.

Sir Sidney Roughdiamond.

You could just pick it up and use it as a wank-sleeve.

You need to watch… ‘R.I.P Dennis Pennis’. There’s about 20 minutes of Mike Strutter included in that.

A Muslim wife’s work is never done.

Who Dares Bums

You need to calm down a bit Harold. Increased body temperature will soften the glue on your forehead mounted stick and you won’t be able to type.

They’re all made out of ticky-tack.

But they’d be frozen so they’d still be babies. Thicko.