Last Cunt Standing

I’m sure I saw an Adidas Waistcoat once, mind.

He’s opened a cunting shop in Meadowhall now, Eric. Flogging signed snooker balls and the like. He’ll have his usual toddler strop at The Crucible in week 2 and we’ll all go back to wondering why the undisputed genius of the game seems to have no capacity for mental toughness. If he had 10% of the fortitude of a John Higgins or a Hendry he’d be on ten titles by now. We’ve all said it a million times before. I’m pissed off I can’t get Eurosport out here anymore and the Beeb keep fucking my VPN, so it’ll be the darker corners of the internet for me for the next fortnight. Wish me luck.

Please can I hear more about the nephrotoxic effects of amlodipine?

Gary Lineker has wished her all the best, so you better suck it up, Neil.

Dion is much better utilised wandering around a dismal semi on Homes Under The Hammer. Magnificent. Or at least according to Sir Alex Ferguson.

Amazing how a few hoodies with petrol bombs can resonate around the world. Today was the rededication ceremony for a statue marking the Catalpa incident here in WA, and I’m told the piss up afterwards, in previous years a good-natured sing along, was much darker this year; all hushed tones and sideways glances, and talk that “it’s going to go off back home”. No doubt it’s all just old men wallowing in nostalgia before nine verses of The Fields of Athenrye, but if it’s being discussed here in sunny Perth, I shudder to think what’s going on in the Bogside.

I understand teachers have the occasional free period, though I have never quite worked out how one might pay for them otherwise.

I’ve only just noticed this you simpering prick. Geriatric? Get fucked, boy.

I’m interested in what you two make of the recent landslide for McGowan here in WA? Is it possible he might be tempted for a tilt at the national level once Albanese ends up beaten by ScoMo?

Stephen Milligan is who you are thinking of.

The ones on the news here were Scottish, Baws. Of course Scots getting pissed in the park is a phenomenon so common I’m surprised they didn’t make the wee Ned hold up the days’ newspaper for verification this was not stock footage.

I always enjoyed the schadenfreude in breaking the news to the most ardently heterosexual male that the swabs we sent off to investigate their pruritus ani were positive for gonorrhoea, and that perhaps we should run a few additional tests in light of this. On more than one occasion there followed the most astounding tale of closeted chuttery, including offers of cash if I would delete the investigation from their records, which of course I rebuffed. It’s the quiet ones you have to watch. The whole middle class five-bar gate and gravel drive crowd. An absolute nest of perversion if you scratch

I would love it if you fucked off. Love it.

The Mong and Winding Road, with Eleanor Flidby as a double-A side.

Whereas Norfolk might be taken to be similar to the contents of your pants Neil; flat, featureless, wetter than it should be, and with more than average levels of sexually transmitted disease.