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Last Cunt Standing

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  1. I’m warming to the notion you’re female after all DC, given your increasing fondness for the unsolicited whinge. Half the world’s banging on at length about the Royals right now, if you’re blissfully unaware of that on Plague Island, you might very well wonder why.
  2. To return to the topic at hand…83 days now since Katie’s last appearance. Not available until after Easter was the story…well, they’ve got 2 weeks till this unholy mess really boils over. The truth will out.
  3. And? Females can have penises. I’ve read it in The Telegraph. If you have come back as an XX genotype on 23andme though, I’d be tempted to ring them and ask for a recount. Just sayin’.
  4. “D notice” might have not been right without a national security angle. But the omertà in the UK media amounts to pretty much the same thing. It’s cracking though, it seems. Get fucked yourself, and may you soon experience the terror of a rip-roaring penile cancer.
  5. Well I never. https://www.tmz.com/watch/2024-03-13-031324-stephen-colbert-1792599-314/
  6. You’ll need a block and tackle, she’s had three kids. And Gavin Henson.
  7. I don’t agree it was a cheap shot, Bill. Rather I was pointing out that I don’t have your undeniable stamina in dealing with the haughty tart. Your exchanges with her have gone on and on and on. I’m afraid I won’t be doing that, for as I’ve said, it’s like smashing your head against the floor. The floor doesn’t move and you just get a headache. I’m off to stay warm, it’s 28 here today.
  8. Let you into a secret Killer, no one cares that much. Including me. If William is really getting pegged on the regular by some younger version of Princess Anne, then I’d say that’s pretty much what I’d expect for some Old Etonian wanker with more hang ups than directory enquires. My only interest here is the slight amusement I extract from watching the public slowly cotton on to the fact they are being taken for fools by people who are quite happily collecting the Civil list by the wheelbarrow load, while at the same time laughing from the back seat of the Bentley at the oiks linining up in the rain to watch them cut the ribbon on their dreadful new community centre. They’re laughing at you.
  9. Pipe down love, for Christ’s sake. I’m sure we’re all a bit tired of the Violet Elizabeth Bott routine by now. Scweam and scweam all you want, fact is you tried to minimise the story of the dubious picture right before it blew up and became lead news all over the world. Wiser, humbler heads might have taken heed and slipped back into the shadows, but oh no, not our intrepid Matriarch, who when she isn’t issuing corporate spankings in Boardrooms the world over is thumbing through her Rolodex and calling up the OECD to correct the footnotes in their latest press release. It’s a mark of true idiocy to be incapable of acknowledging error, your Worship. You know this, I suspect. As for backing up my claims, I don’t think I’ve made any, other than stating Kate has been on protracted leave from public life with the thinnest of cover stories and that there’s an increasing whiff of bullshit about the situation, coupled with a PR output that would embarrass a Home Counties Parish circular. William is oddly absent too, just as a certain Marchioness appears to be getting a run of puff-pieces in the press. Join the fucking dots yourself. Or take the red herring, fingers-in-the-ears, everything is fine view on it all. I don’t much give a fuck either way. I’m not @King Billy, I won’t entertain an endless dialogue of the deaf with a woman so utterly convinced of her monopoly on facts. Naturally I’m crushed by your uninvited assessment of my competence with the language, and I’ll try not to spend the next few hours lying awake wondering how I can improve my standing with a woman so formidable in intellect that she’d happily share her Boudoir happy snaps with all and sundry. If ever an image needed a Kill notice, it was that velvet-clad monstrosity.
  10. Jesus Christ woman. Literally no point arguing with you. Can I ask what you do when you inadvertently drive into a cul de sac? Acknowledge your error and reverse, or loudly proclaim it’s the road that’s wrong and floor it through the nearest garden fence?
  11. “Abdominal surgery”, Frank. A very credible story. Surely you’ve heard differently on Old Compton Street?
  12. I’m honoured you’ve come out of apparent semi-retirement to interject here, even if the interjection is to stereotypically cling to whatever you’ve read in The Telegraph editorial that morning. I don’t know if PR features in your list of many skills, and by PR I mean Public Relations, not any dubiously-acquired erotic skills you might have with latex gloves (removing a wedding ring is preferable here). The media machine at Kensington Palace has clearly made an utter balls of this whole narrative, and even a retarded toddler would appreciate releasing a ring-less picture against a background of weeks of fevered speculation might be unwise, even if she’d just popped the sparkler on the windowsill to do the washing up, as all domestic goddesses might. However, true to form, the debate has now moved on, with the news that renowned Bacofoil-wearers the Associated Press have spiked the image on the basis it has been manipulated at source. I wonder how your formidable brain will deal with this inconvenient truth? I mean, it couldn’t possibly be the case that you’re being lied to, could it? Lucid enough for you, sweetheart?
  13. I’m sure it will not have escaped collective attention that in the latest Kensington Palace PR triumph, the Mother’s Day picture, Kate is surrounded by her kids but isn’t wearing her wedding ring. Nothing to see here.
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