Last Cunt Standing

To return to the topic at hand…83 days now since Katie’s last appearance. Not available until after Easter was the story…well, they’ve got 2 weeks till this unholy mess really boils over. The truth will out.

And? Females can have penises. I’ve read it in The Telegraph. If you have come back as an XX genotype on 23andme though, I’d be tempted to ring them and ask for a recount. Just sayin’.

“D notice” might have not been right without a national security angle. But the omertà in the UK media amounts to pretty much the same thing. It’s cracking though, it seems. Get fucked yourself, and may you soon experience the terror of a rip-roaring penile cancer.

I clearly missed my calling.

Well I never. https://www.tmz.com/watch/2024-03-13-031324-stephen-colbert-1792599-314/

You’ll need a block and tackle, she’s had three kids. And Gavin Henson.

I don’t agree it was a cheap shot, Bill. Rather I was pointing out that I don’t have your undeniable stamina in dealing with the haughty tart. Your exchanges with her have gone on and on and on. I’m afraid I won’t be doing that, for as I’ve said, it’s like smashing your head against the floor. The floor doesn’t move and you just get a headache. I’m off to stay warm, it’s 28 here today.

Let you into a secret Killer, no one cares that much. Including me. If William is really getting pegged on the regular by some younger version of Princess Anne, then I’d say that’s pretty much what I’d expect for some Old Etonian wanker with more hang ups than directory enquires. My only interest here is the slight amusement I extract from watching the public slowly cotton on to the fact they are being taken for fools by people who are quite happily collecting the Civil list by the wheelbarrow load, while at the same time laughing from the back seat of the Bentley at the oiks linining up in the rain to watch them cut the ribbon on their dreadful new community centre. They’re laughing at you.

Pipe down love, for Christ’s sake. I’m sure we’re all a bit tired of the Violet Elizabeth Bott routine by now. Scweam and scweam all you want, fact is you tried to minimise the story of the dubious picture right before it blew up and became lead news all over the world. Wiser, humbler heads might have taken heed and slipped back into the shadows, but oh no, not our intrepid Matriarch, who when she isn’t issuing corporate spankings in Boardrooms the world over is thumbing through her Rolodex and calling up the OECD to correct the footnotes in their latest press release. It’s a mark of true idiocy to be incapable of acknowledging error, your Worship. You know this, I suspect. As for backing up my claims, I don’t think I’ve made any, other than stating Kate has been on protracted leave from public life with the thinnest of cover stories and that there’s an increasing whiff of bullshit about the situation, coupled with a PR output that would embarrass a Home Counties Parish circular. William is oddly absent too, just as a certain Marchioness appears to be getting a run of puff-pieces in the press. Join the fucking dots yourself. Or take the red herring, fingers-in-the-ears, everything is fine view on it all. I don’t much give a fuck either way. I’m not @King Billy, I won’t entertain an endless dialogue of the deaf with a woman so utterly convinced of her monopoly on facts. Naturally I’m crushed by your uninvited assessment of my competence with the language, and I’ll try not to spend the next few hours lying awake wondering how I can improve my standing with a woman so formidable in intellect that she’d happily share her Boudoir happy snaps with all and sundry. If ever an image needed a Kill notice, it was that velvet-clad monstrosity.

Jesus Christ woman. Literally no point arguing with you. Can I ask what you do when you inadvertently drive into a cul de sac? Acknowledge your error and reverse, or loudly proclaim it’s the road that’s wrong and floor it through the nearest garden fence?

I think I’ll pass.

“Abdominal surgery”, Frank. A very credible story. Surely you’ve heard differently on Old Compton Street?

I’m honoured you’ve come out of apparent semi-retirement to interject here, even if the interjection is to stereotypically cling to whatever you’ve read in The Telegraph editorial that morning. I don’t know if PR features in your list of many skills, and by PR I mean Public Relations, not any dubiously-acquired erotic skills you might have with latex gloves (removing a wedding ring is preferable here). The media machine at Kensington Palace has clearly made an utter balls of this whole narrative, and even a retarded toddler would appreciate releasing a ring-less picture against a background of weeks of fevered speculation might be unwise, even if she’d just popped the sparkler on the windowsill to do the washing up, as all domestic goddesses might. However, true to form, the debate has now moved on, with the news that renowned Bacofoil-wearers the Associated Press have spiked the image on the basis it has been manipulated at source. I wonder how your formidable brain will deal with this inconvenient truth? I mean, it couldn’t possibly be the case that you’re being lied to, could it? Lucid enough for you, sweetheart?

I’m sure it will not have escaped collective attention that in the latest Kensington Palace PR triumph, the Mother’s Day picture, Kate is surrounded by her kids but isn’t wearing her wedding ring. Nothing to see here.

Here’s a conundrum. Sam Kerr, muff-diving Chelsea footballer and darling of the Australian sports media, is currently in rather hot water for allegedly getting pissed on a London night out and using the phrase “stupid white bastard” to a London Bobby. Inevitably, there’s been much talk of “ladette” culture and why it’s difficult for a woman in man’s world yadda yadda. There’s also been howls of outrage about her using the W word, now countered by hilariously contorted arguments about how brown people calling white people white can’t be considered racist. This “power defence” will supposedly form Ms Kerr’s defence in Court, not “I didn’t say it”, because even this soft-headed Cunt will have heard of bodycam, but “yeah I said it, but it’s not racist anyway”. I’ve never heard such shite. The Cunt here is not that some tanked-up lesbian got into a fracas on a night out, but that such pseudo-scientific linguistic effort is being made to excuse the silly moo rather than apply the law of ganders and sauces. One for Debate club, I thought. https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/is-calling-someone-white-a-racist-slur-this-is-what-the-experts-say/d2d974bi8

76 days now since WanK were seen together in public. In fact all we’ve had is this week’s grainy pap shot of someone resembling Kate in the passenger seat of an Audi. Must be some fucking surgery she’s had.

Bollocks. I’ve seen Geordie Shore. You lot’ll do far worse to each other if MTV keep the Broon flowing.

I see youth crime is also out of control in Northern England, for a change. Would anyone care to speculate on the community origins of an 11 year old nicking caravans? Can we safely assume he does a nice line in sloppy drive tarmac or gutter maintenance? As for describing him as a schoolboy, I would lay money on him having an attendance record not dissimilar to Lord Lebedev at Westminster. Shoot the little scrote. You’ll save yourself a fortune. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/08/police-stop-boy-11-driving-bmw-towing-caravan-along-m1?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

@Decimus will I imagine be crying himself to sleep in the snow, having spent all day setting up his VPN routed via Kiev so he can get the Norwich game on his laptop, only to have a moose gnaw through the power cable to his log cabin and forcing him to miss the 5-0 victory he’d been promised all year.

It’s worth noting that the unfortunate Stuart Lubbock was, as far as we know, not cable-tied during his visit to the Barrymore pool. In fact I’m not sure we can learn much from the case of a young father found floating in the small hours with drugs in his bloodstream and his arsehole busted wide open like the Japanese flag. Or, come to think of it, a Hot-Spot. Awight?

You forgot her dental degree, you misogynist prick. And the Mensa membership. Too good for the likes of you.

Wanker is about right. Even detaining them temporarily until the parents came for them could be passed off as a safety measure, but keeping them there bawling away while you have a shouting match with their parents on video is a recipe for endless harassment which will I predict result in him leaving town. Unlike the non-indigenous youths of my 2021 story, these are proper little kids, and in humiliating them like this he’s given himself a massive headache. Cultural sensitivity training incoming….

Regular Corner contributors may recall back in 2021 I posted a knotty problem involving illicit use of swimming pools by minors. The mysterious case of the wet footprints led to some interesting debate before it degenerated into a nonce hunt and was ultimately locked by the RoopsFuhrer. Today Western Australia is convulsed with the story of three children found using a neighbour’s pool without permission who were promptly lashed together with cable ties to await Police. The detaining cable-tier has been charged with assault and there is much talk in the town of Broome about keeping the peace. Interested to know what the wise heads of The Corner would make of it all. https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/mar/06/western-australia-children-allegedly-cable-ties-broome-man-charged-assault?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

……..and now the MoD have taken a break from cutting holes in Destroyers to replace year-old engines, and firing Trident missiles at themselves, to incur the wrath of Kensington Palace by announcing then retracting Katie’s attendance at Trooping the Colour in…June. So that’ll be six months out of action for spurious medical reasons then. At what point do the Fleet Street Hacks of old get their shoulders to the wheel and dish the dirt? What the fuck is going on?

So there’s a picture on the internet ostensibly showing Katie wearing comedy sunglasses in the passenger seat of an Audi being driven by her mother through Windsor Great Park to do the school run. It’s taken from the international space station it seems, it’s grainy as fuck, but even that can’t hide the puffy face, the peculiarly absent mole, and the fixed expression. Curiously I’m told it is absent from the British media. This story gets darker by the day. It’s going to be a long time before we see her cutting ribbons again. If ever.