Last Cunt Standing

He missed the funeral of his Godfather for this supposed personal matter, just in case anyone is keeping score. I’m telling you, there is something very bad going on up there. Kate aside, has anyone seen the three kids lately? Or The Middletons? The famed British Press need to rediscover their balls.

I can assure you lots of us in Australia haven’t heard of the cunts either. For me the most amusing bit of the story is that NSW Police have been banned from marching in the Sydney Mardi Gras because the ABCDEFG community is so affronted by the perceived homophobia (or incompetence) in the investigation to the homo-murder.

Eric, me and some mates at the cafe this morning were debating which ISIS video death method we’d all choose if we had to. Options were; kneeling live beheading with a paring knife, drowning in a cage dipped slowly into a swimming pool, blown up with an RPG locked inside a 1997 Toyota, burnt alive in a metal cage with petrol, hung from the slowly rising jib of a crane. You strike me as the sort who will have an opinion here. Please rank them, 1-5.

It’s all bollocks Killer as I’m sure you’ve worked by now. Unless I see her buffalo hump and abdominal striae myself I’m thinking it’s more Pizza and Chocolate than her fucking adrenals. Watch for the coming advert for Ozempic and inevitable “Amy: My Food Hell” tabloid. It’d be like shagging a beanbag.

No, that’s Amy Fucking Schumer apparently. Definitely not cake, it’s cortisol. Right? Even unfunny American moon faced lardarses pop up on the telly from time to time. Not Kate. Spanish TV report she’s in a coma. She was previously dressed, washed and hair done 3 hours after pushing an eight pounder out of her fanny and pushed onto camera. Whatever has gone on here she can’t be seen in public, even from a distance in the back of a speeding SUV. And the ambulance seen leaving Sandringham on 28/12? Not a word…. It’s a nasty business in that family. I imagine there’s a wave of NDAs and Official Secrets Acts being passed around bits of London as we speak.

The evening news tonight here featured a short item on pictures released of His Majesty King Brian opening cards from well wishers and gurning away over his red Ministerial box, letting the taxpayers know that despite a cancer diagnosis he was still hard at work. Contrast this with the now 63 days of absence from the HRH Katie, who has now so deviated from the traditional Royal illness playbook that we haven’t even got a standard shot of her recovering on the sofa under a Harrods Duvet with an Ovaltine while the kids play at her feet. And not a word from the supine media, usually faster out of the investigative blocks than Ben Johnson. Something very very dark is going on here. Is it time to ask for proof of life?

Your womenfolk have gotten badly out of hand Panz. I see footage this morning of your ladies football team ceremonially turning their backs during the Israeli national anthem. Now leaving aside the obvious rejoinder from @Decimus about the danger of turning your back on the Jews, what the fuck has gotten into this bunch of ginger lesbians that they want to advertise their sympathy with the Palestinians? They are presumably aware what your average Palestinian male would do to a lesbian in a football kit? It isn’t convert them, that’s for sure. You need to bring back the convents for these lost bitches. Pronto.

You’re using her instead of an RSJ, aren’t you, you fucking Cowboy?

I would just like to point out that the Princess of Wales has not been seen in public for 61 days. Unprecedented. Stinks to high heaven.

How do you tell a Koala from a Geordie lass? One’s hairy, riddled with clap, craps in public and sleeps all day, the other eats eucalyptus leaves and lives up trees. Ba-dum. Here all week, try the fish etc…

How about a Catholic IRA-apologist woman as the First Minister of Ulster? What is it the Chinese say? May you live in interesting times. Damn right.

Salisbury is in Wiltshire you utter, utter moron.

Covid was a pretty benign experience for us in the Hermit Kingdom, Bill. Our lockdown was measured in hours, and I’m quite used to not having a reason to go out. I binged The Sopranos and Better Call Saul, and - no pun intended - ate a fruitcake. If that’s a global health emergency, sign me up for another.

Do we know what the fat cunt died of yet?

Last time I was in London I walked past an enormous wall next to the Thames, festooned with hearts of people lost while your leader got pissed with his mates and let nurses wear bin bags to work. Here in WA, we have no such wall. I know which I’d prefer.

In what?

I’m working my way through the latest Sunderland Till I Die on Netflix, Killer, and must say your ending would be quite the plot twist. I suspect if you told the red and white idiots they’d be guaranteed promotion if they retook Donetsk, you’d have a battalion of fat pricks on mobility scooters heading for Dover before you can say “Niall Quinn fucked us, man”.

Say it in a Churchill voice, Bill. You know you want to. I don’t mean the dog.

So in summary, “no one said it was going to be easy”. (Except the array of lying pricks who wanged on about “Britain holding all the cards” and “easiest trade deal in history” etc). And only a true believer would think rejoining an EU programme like Horizon is a triumph. I expect we’ll see more of this “rejoining but we are still out!” shite as the economic reality bites. I’m loving the twisted verbiage from the usual parties; “microblip in GDP” is up there with the best, and the side order of whataboutery is beautiful to behold. Putting your Brexit mess aside, as a member since 2017, I need to have a good whinge about the state of the place under your watch lately. It’s all gone to shit, your eminence. Surely even you can notice this, when you aren’t doing your Sir John Harvey-Jones (BDS) bit and zooming all over the world to give some poor CEO a half-arsed tongue lashing. Can I suggest you put your house in order, or do I have to write to the Agony Aunt pages of Mensa magazine to get your attention?

My prediction (and that of ABC radio) for the day: England will fold like a lawn chair today. The Indians look hungry. i look forward to the suitably racist jokes.

You’re about 18000km out. So not bad for you.

I’m afraid a Jiffy bag full of tinfoil and electronics probably won’t get beyond your nearest sorting office Bill, before it’s taken out back and destroyed in a controlled explosion. Touched as I am by the gesture, you’re on the list. On the subject of worldwide IT blackouts, Australia is conducting its own little trials for this in the Eastern states. Power grid brownouts in @southerncunt ‘s neck of the woods has everybody fretting about how to pay in cash and where you can buy bottled water. It’s hardly The Jetsons and Hover Cars, this 21st Century thing, is it? I was looking forward to my jet pack.

Your commitment to the cause is almost impressive, Wolfie. I see you in full dress uniform, saluting, as the water laps at your ankles. Better days ahead! It’s not much of a recession, considering. It’s the war, you know Guv’nor. These arguments make me almost nostalgic for the wisdom of the London Cabbie. You’ll probably troop into the voting booth and volunteer for five more years of this, I shouldn’t wonder. Yes, it’s hot here at the moment. It’s bloody lovely. Long days in the pool with a cold beer and some cracking tunes. It’ll soon be Winter here though and I’ll need a light jacket. At the risk of channelling Frank (insert your own sodomy reference here), I’ve just bought a rather nice Tom Ford one with the money I no longer have to put aside for my British Gas bill. I see they’re up to their usual games again. Enjoy the weekend. I’m sure your Daily Heil will keep you going with tales of Booming Britain. Might be best to keep a few back, just in case. I’m told they make good linings for the cardboard box if some rain sets in on The Embankment.

Here’s a factoid for you Ape; 90% of the posts on The Corner now are unreadable shite. The other 10% I’ve already blocked. What’s happened?

I’m resurrecting this 134 page monster thread to note that today’s news from the UK is further proof of the utter triumph that is the Brexit project. The UK has officially entered recession (and may have been in a per capita recession more than 12 months, only saved by record immigration). Goldman Sachs says UK GDP is between 4% and 8% lower thanks to Brexit and has significantly underperformed comparable nations. Resolution Foundation says UK financial performance is now way off the trend pre-2008 Global Financial Crisis, to the tune of £23,000 per UK Household. I remember many Brexit arguments on these pages back 6 years ago. Those of us who pointed out the idiocy of the project were told we knew nothing (I’m looking at you @Mrs Roops) and that sunlit uplands were just around the corner. Still waiting? Is there anyone left on the island who still thinks they weren’t taken for a complete ride? Those pricks advocating for the scam should be in jail, the rest of you should be in the fucking streets. Never in the field of duplicitous Conservatism have so many been so thoroughly fucked, by so few.