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Last Cunt Standing

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Everything posted by Last Cunt Standing

  1. You forgot to mention the stench, Rev. I suspect she’d have feet like week old Dairylea, a cunt like Grimsby Docks in July, and a gorgeous band of moist fungus beneath her flabby tits with a distinct whiff of Marmite. Really stays in the nostrils that.
  2. I’ll be sure to look out for Mrs MC when I get to the great beyond. Amy messages? (other than where did she hide your medication, and bear in mind I don’t speak Thai).
  3. I can’t believe it’s not fisting butter.
  4. Let me stop you there MC, I think I’ve spotted a pattern in your posts. Pandemic sweeps the world - foreigners fault PPE not available - foreigners fault Food shortages - foreigners fault Brexit not being “the easiest deal in history” - foreigners fault Ventilator shortage - foreigners fault If I didn’t know better I’d say you were a cheap xenophobe with a penchant for easy answers.
  5. Portman Down isn’t run by Asian doctors, it’s run by Ewoks and Imperial Stormtroopers. Everyone knows that. Just like Alderaanmaston. Try harder, for fucks sake. You’ve got too much crackpot competition on here these days to go all soft on us now.
  6. I did the black cab tour of Belfast a few years back Bill, and despite a thorough knowledge of the murals I was amazed that our driver wouldn’t get out of his car on one side of the line. Said something about it being “mutually agreed”, which made me think the balaclavas on both sides have probably divvied up the tourist pound as well. He also told my group that it’s well established now that the local youths come out and have a “little scrap for the cameras” once or twice a year “to keep the mystery going”, and that they are generally more interested in shagging each other than slitting throats and shooting kneecaps. West of Scotland is where you want to be for real sectarianism these days apparently. You can even buy Skag branded with the Red Hand or the Tricolour. Flegs, man.
  7. What I want to know is Billy, when we get round to marching season and assuming we are still flattening the curve, are the Orange Lodge all going to go out separately and call their little stride along the Shankill a daily act of exercise? And how will the Apprentice Boys get through a full cycle of The Sash My Father Wore while remaining 2m apart? Has it even been discussed?
  8. Well no. It’s got that Miranda creature in it, hasn’t it? That fugly bint has killed more erections than diabetes.
  9. Nah. The only thing I ever got off a nurse was a filthy look over the notes trolley when I asked her why her bedsheets at home didn’t have hospital corners. Midwives, on the other hand, bang like Chinese fireworks and smile sweetly afterwards. Filth. They spend so long around women on their backs panting it completely skews their idea of normal.
  10. Have they reactivated your NMC pin and shoved you back into hospital yet then?
  11. No, well I imagine it was a little more difficult back then, what with you carrying a lamp as you scuttled between beds in the Crimea while trying not to trip over your hooped skirt.
  12. Did a junior doctor ever offer you a TUBE without being TTFO?
  13. Seems from the picture her fanny is still hungry. I’m sure Rooney would bang it back in for her, he’s a magician with a shelf pessary.
  14. Having seen the arse on it Neil I’d be worried for your rear axle. I’m sure her parents are proud.
  15. Well, why not. The Corner could use another reactionary fruitcake and armchair general who spends his time spouting off to no one in particular. I suppose now the pubs are closed we should expect more of your type, propping up the metaphorical bar in a Primark cardigan, coppering up for his next pint of cloudy water with an inevitable micro brewing story attached. If you could just hurry through the usual litany of grunting arsehole targets, blacks, muslims, gays, fat people, the disabled, the poor, the EU, young people and anyone left of Himmler then we’d all be very grateful, given that will probably mean you are nearer the exit via the obligatory nonce allegation spree and cooler holiday. Make yourself at home then you fucking clagnut.
  16. A few years back when a certain Countdown presenting rear of the year winner developed a fascination for The Red Arrows, it was apparently the case that the Scampton Officers Mess came to be known as CeeVees, given that most of the pilots claimed to have spent several pleasant evenings inside and often ended the night on their backs with their trousers missing. It all ended in tears when after a night on the ale some uncouth RAF Regiment fellow videoed himself hanging out of the back doors and jokingly tried to flog the video to The Sun. None of this is true, obviously.
  17. It’s always vicarious living with you, isn’t it? Be it Argentine bombs or Berkshire Breweries, you can guarantee you’ve got a secondhand story you can chip in with. Is your dad bigger than my dad, is he? Seriously you fucking knobhead, sell your cheap flag-waving come-on-Tim patriotism somewhere else, you’ve only been here five fucking minutes and I imagine most have already decided they’d rather spend time with the bits they cut off Simon Weston’s face. You’ll find a few more receptive customers for your jingoistic bullshit on here, but I’d much rather you just fucked off and died in a hedgerow somewhere, there’s enough evidence of the descent of man about these days without having to waste time on someone who I suspect still counts on his fingers at the ATM. Fuck the fuck off.
  18. Big fan of The Dambusters, Eric? It must have crossed your mind... I’m told they moved Gibson’s dog grave to a discrete location behind the mess building at RAF Scampton a few years back when a rather more liberal Station Commander was appointed. I’m sure if Manky we’re still here he’d know the detail. I miss that grumpy old cunt. Excellent Pub, The Dambusters in Scampton Village, if you’re ever in the area in normal times. https://www.dambustersinn.co.uk
  19. Natalie Carr gets more Aussie men hard than rigor mortis. Quick Q SC, the wife is trying to get me to devote some of our lockdown viewing to the entire series of Superwog. Does it get better? The first episode was underwhelming.
  20. That poor cat. They clearly see things differently in South Australia. Particularly with certain, ahem, exemptions. Here’s a story you may have missed that’ll really warm the cockles. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-10-03/sa-police-officer-throws-rocks-at-wombat-in-video/11570502
  21. You’ll be glad to know there’s already talk of a re-release of You’ll Never Walk Alone, sung by the squad into TikTok then cobbled together for charity release. Half of them will have to be told unlike most times they perform into their iPad there is no need to masturbate furiously. What’s your take on the Kyle Walker sex party story Neil? Have you seen pictures of the £2k brass involved? Marks out of ten?
  22. Your mordancy might be mistaken for superciliousness by the more sophomoric Cunts.
  23. Are you flirting with me? I’m not dressing up as a huntsman so you can chase me round the garden. Besides, I get a feeling you’d neglect the balls, you strike me as a very shaft-centric type.
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