Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)

22 minutes ago, Monumental cunt said:

Homo wank spaz programmes on TV for gays and fucking thick cunt women are fine. It gives them something to occupy their irrelevant lives whilst us blokes switch the heating off and go down the pub.

Let us know which pub you frequent, then I can avoid it.

Sticks like shit to a duvet cover.

32 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I know. It was Slim who I was meaning to quote but I lifted it from a post where you were quoting him. Bit early in the morning for me it was.

Good afternoon Billy, did you have a good shit yesterday morning?

2 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I’m thinking of having a shit sometime tomorrow morning Albert. Yourself?

Is it in the departure lounge yet?

Holocaust? What holocaust?

Good afternoon Billy, do you have any exciting plans for this coming weekend?

2 hours ago, Cunt-End Of The World said:

I met this douche at a publishing event in London. Asked me my name 3 times in a single hour. A right fucking truffle hunter, constantly at the buffet stacking various slices of weird posh shit on a plate. Fucking cunt. Met Gryff Rhys Jones at the same event, and he's an absolutely divvy cunt too. 

Bullshit, never happened.

8 hours ago, Mrs Roops said:

Yes, sponsored by the British Youth Council, MYP's are elected by the nation's youth. The Youth Parliament has several regional sessions around the country and have two national sittings, one of which is held in the HoC chaired by The Speaker no less. IMHO, this charade represents the very worst of gesture politics.

And who sponsors the British Youth Council, would it be the UK taxpayer?

Will it kill the economies of oil producing Arab countries? If it does who will we sell arms to then?

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/chloe-haines-flight-stansted-airport-cabin-crew-trial-jail-sentence-a9331441.html

 

This thick little fuck nugget, Chloe Haines, got pissed up on a flight from Turkey to blighty and decided to scare the shit out of everyone and let some air in. Now I'm no scientist but even little old me  knows that it is impossible to open the external door of an airplane in mid flight. This is due to a small thing called "air pressure". Also, planes have a thing called a Cooper Switch that disables the locks when the landing gear is up. This was named after some cunt who hijacked a plane and got the pilot to depressurise the cabin. 

So if you're on a flight and some drunk cunt or a peaceful who wants to fuck 72 virgins in the next life tries to wrench the door open mid flight, don't panic. Just laugh at the cunt, throw peanuts at them and generally take this piss.

Oh, and Jet2 want 86k off this silly tart as that's what it cost them flying back. Yeah, good luck with that.

Are peanuts allowed on flights?

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Which was nice.

For whom?

9 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Just watched a segment on ITV news featuring an interview with 'Rachel Ojo', a 17 year old black girl who apparently is the head of 'the UK youth parliament'. She was clearly unintelligent, barely coherent, and babbling on about "nafe crame" (knife crime). According to Rachel, blacks stabbing each other at an ever increasing rate, is the fault of the government, who don't understand the needs and tings of da yoof.

No, you thick fucking cunt Rachel... The reason your people stab each other is because they're unintelligent, criminally inclined fucking animals. They've been running around screaming and chopping each other up in Africa for millenia, and they continue to do it wherever they migrate to.

And the reason it's getting worse, is that the police are no longer allowed to target black men for stop & search because 'it's racist'. It's not fucking racist, the reason they used to search black men is because they're the ones carrying knives. If black people want to tackle "nafe crame", they should start dealing with their own young men, and stop blaming society, racism, slavery, or whatever the fucking deflective excuse is this week. 

If this "youth parliament" really exists, how was it elected? I never noticed the election broadcasts, maybe they were on BBC3, "the yoof channel". 

I was under the impression that electors had to be 18 or over

10 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Your sew perdantick.

I thang yew.

48 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Never mind this shite, I did piss myself this morning when it conspired that the shinners hadn't actually won the keys to the paddy parliament despite saying last night they were ready to form a government. I hope their political rivals meat out a bit of their own style of retribution these cunt would understand: knee cappings and concrete wellies to the bottom of Lough Ree. 

Piss up in the brewery 

Lol 

Shurely shome mishtake?

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

He's now a small village in the Surrey hills, with 2 pubs and a post office. 

Does your Uncle Gareth have two pubs and a post office or the village?

Does he have planning permission for his caravan?

6 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

At least it doesn't go past The Maudsley. In the old days inmates used to get on in their PJs. Some poor cunt had to sit there next to some fucker who rocked backwards and forwards singing "Show me the way to go home". Until the conductor rang the police from the nearest phone box. My uncle Gareth kept fucking escaping. 

Where is your Uncle Gareth now?

3 hours ago, King Billy said:

Fuckin hell Eric. Eddie told me he’d had a close shave in Nam. I thought he meant the Turkish barbers in Tottennam.

Naw, it was Cheltenham.

2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Do you think Tony Iommi used to leave a tip after he fingered prostitutes?

Does Neil?

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

You're not getting them back. You should have locked your side gate when my brothers were about. Btw, how is the drive, did the tarmac take alright? 

NO! There's fucking weeds everywhere, when I called the number they gave me I got the local RSPCA.

26 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

One of my garden chairs has blown over. I'm devastated. Devastated I tell ya! 

Maybe it will be blown back to its rightful owner?

35 minutes ago, ratcum said:

I was going to dig her up and analise (sic) her. It would go some of the way to make up for all the times the Tories buggered me.

Literally?

4 hours ago, ratcum said:

was Maggie Thatcher cremated?

Who?

This all seems familiar.

On 01/02/2020 at 20:07, Dawn Chorus said:

Sorry but I don't know what I am doing yet.

As you're free, why don't we . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

On 01/02/2020 at 20:09, King Billy said:

My car tyres are normally 34 psi so I deflated all 4 by 5 psi (approx 22%) to 29psi and instructed KwikFit to top them up to 34psi with nitrogen, reducing the cost of £5 per corner to £3.80p per corner, totalling £15.20p. The total amount I saved being £4.80p, which I spent in the Witherspoons next door,  on 2 pints of extra strong cider. Unfortunately I got arrested for drink driving, after crashing the car into a school minibus on my way home. Fortunately all the possible witnesses who were in the minibus did not survive and my solicitor says I should get a 12 month ban at the most. Apparently all four tyres were completely bald and he’s working on a defence strategy which could see the manager of the tyre place go down for life. I do hope so. He has ginger hair and a pony tail.

I went to school with him.