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Poesklap

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Everything posted by Poesklap

  1. No worries. I’m polite, and cover my mouth when I yawn. Manners make the man, especially when shielding oneself from the blood, shit, and gobbets of stringy man spunk that dribble from Punker’s Sailor’s Fuckmaw every time he sighs out some irrelevance.
  2. My absolute piss-boiler is shop staff and clerks who greet you with "Fine thanks, and you?" before I've said a fucking word. A small irritation but just another symptom of this increasingly sleep-walking, mouth-breathing, blank screens-saver-faced human race shuffling blindly into the abyss. "We're a virus with shoes." as our lord and saviour Bill Hicks put it.
  3. "Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty... in the world"
  4. An underrated classic. So many good scenes, but this 10 sec clip from the Restaurant scene sums it up for me. You can have all the flat whites, cortados, grandes, in the world but your Starbucks coffee all still tastes like cane rat piss on any continent. Your self-absorbed obsession with 'options' - as opposed to actual choices - has led you here, America. Enjoy. 'Go back to bed, bovine America' - Bill Hicks
  5. Ok, this fucking https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2019/feb/24/young-comics-verdict-standup-legend-bill-hicks article was in The Guardian, so yeah, expected, I guess…but, Chloe Petts, Rob Oldham, Ed Night,… your ‘safe’, inoffensive SJW rambling monologues certainly aren’t comedy, and nervously laughing at your own jokes doesn’t make it so. And Kemah Bob, your sigh-inducing, humourless routine about being a black, pansexual American is fun as linoleum in print, but hearing it delivered in your helium stoner squeak toy voice is marginally less pleasant than hearing my child scream in pain. None
  6. Tsk... You really need to apply yourself a little more, Spunk Ape... A clap–riddled organ grinder's monkey could have come up with a better rejoinder. Ho hum.
  7. They're a good team, far better than than their men's side ever came up with. But, for fuck sakes, the fist-pumping the air, breakdancing down the field and that USA!-USA!-USA! bullshit when they're nine goals ahead – and which carries on for another four goals – is... everything I blood-burningly hate about America right now, in a nutshell. You can see highlights of the all-dancing, all-singing cuntishness here.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wyxVmrpI3Q Classless, arrogant, obliviousness Yank cunts. And then, when asked about their graceless ebullience, they play the sexism car
  8. You utter public school-frottaging frog-torturing cuntstick. Two good friends of mine went to Eton , another to Marlborough. None of them would deign to mention their school or Oxbridge education in conversation, nor to lord their Rees-Mogg fanzine wet-dream fuckcuntage over a backwater internet discussion board. You complete fucking cunt. Go and pickle in your stewing piss-stained Home Counties tea-cosy-sized boiled-egg and Marmite dukedom, you irrelevant tin-pot cunt.
  9. Amen. A Zuma Mugabe double bill funeral would be a welcome jubilation in these trying times down south. Sadly African dictators that are not actually assassinated seem to go on forever in their dotage. Would that I could have them trussed, gagged like Marcellus Wallace and delivered to Punker’s Pleasuredome, aka the men’s bogs on Clapham Common.
  10. Besides, I don't read your press, nor you mine, so my blood-spitting vexations down south in Africa are not really topical for CC. That said, the usual salmonella shit show of politicians, d-list celebrities and internecine squabbling of whatever message board you're on, are universal. That said, I feel a nom coming on.
  11. Hmmm @Cuntybaws... Judging by the casual vitriol heaped down on anyone who pops their head above the parapet, lurking – and just enjoying the (occasional) really bitingly funny rejoinders here – seems the best option.
  12. They’re called ‘Pangas’ here. ‘Machetes’ are the accessories of effete, overweight Central American drug lords. Go read a book. Anime and Sgt. Fury comics don’t count.
  13. Your knee jerk sputtering of witless homophobic put downs are not quite as adorable. And your constant territorial army anorak trainspotter references to the British Army, Navy, and tanks, and other hardware (no doubt mooned over in the encrusted, stuck together pages of a dog-eared Falklands War-era Jane’s Defense Mag) - in an increasingly assymetrical warfare-dominated world - are about as edifying as reading dyslexic death threats written on a wall. In shit.
  14. The thought of getting my mission-critical CC profile hacked by someone who thinks Ghost in the Shell and the Blade Trilogy are the last and latest word in edgy pop culture is indeed troubling. I’ve unplugged my Amiga and put my 6210 in a tupper at the back of the freezer.
  15. https://local.theonion.com/fucking-idiot-has-perfect-gif-for-that-1828864809/amp
  16. Sigh... such lazy, casual racism. Worse still, it’s not even funny. The plane was brand new, the pilot was a pro, and Ethiopian is a good airline. They ferry hundreds of sunburned, fat, arrogant, package-holiday tourists of your ilk from Zanzibar daily back to the UK. Cunt.
  17. 'Iron' ('Iron hoof' = 'poof') In Cockney rhyming slang, only the first word is generally used. So the abbreviated form of 'iron hoof' is 'iron'. Had to look this up. It reminded me of how fucking much I hate Cockney cunting rhyming slang. A stupid, drunk-uncle ‘Carry On’ movie lexicon of cringe-worthy intellectual homunculus pat shite. A secret verbal handshake for amputees.
  18. Jou ma se vrot bok poes. That took me four seconds. Three more than your gurning, drooling grunt. Cunt.
  19. 'Cometh the hour, cometh the man'... Judging by the bad acid trip Spitting Image bunch of helium-powered gargoyles in your parliament, Britain isn't obviously in that bad a shape needed to call a reluctant statesman the calibre of Vaclav Havel, Churchill or Atlee into the breach. From the Gammon robot that was Cameron, to the harpy that is May assailed by the socks and Birkenstock moldy crudite Corbyn, what MP cunt would you like to give a good cunting to? I’ll go first. David Davis. Weekend ‘hard’ Territorial Army wanker who (Censored CC Member) gets gooey over UK Navy, amphibious? b
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