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I am going to do this nom with my Scottish accent, then I will translate. It’s a fake accent as I was born in Norfolk, I am coastal. If Nicola Sturgeon signs up within the next 24 hours, I hope to receive bonus cunting points. Here’s my nom. A' o' mah vaccinations hae worked 100%, & soon or at least by th' end o' th' year ah wull be vaccinated against covid19 - sae that ah kin bide a lang, happy lee. This is guid speirins fur me. Meanwhile anti-vaxxers ur ill speirins, scaring grannies form bein' vaxed. We hae th' illegal immigrants, th' anti-vaxxers & th' suicidal a' keen tae catch covid19 & manifest mutations. It shuid be illegal nae tae be vaccinated, dealg thaim doon, docs shuid run doon th' wynd & stick a needle in random arses, it doesn’t hae tae be th' arm? English translation: All of my vaccinations have worked 100%, & soon or at least by the end of the year I will be vaccinated against covid19 - so that I may live a long, happy life. This is good news for me. MEANWHILE anti-vaxxers are bad news, scaring grannies form being vaxed. We have the illegal immigrants, the anti-vaxxers & the suicidal all keen to catch covid19 & manifest mutations. It should be illegal not to be vaccinated, pin them down, docs should run down the street & stick a needle in random arses, it doesn’t have to be the arm? Love ProfB aka Proffers. XXX

I have been 100% scammed by the cunting bastards called Waitrose: my packet of six sausages said LINCOLNSHIRE sausages, once home I saw made from Hampshire boars in tiny writing. The sausage are FUCKING FAKES, had I realised in the store, I would have screamed blue murder at the 4 eyed, wideload, cuntbreed that served me. SHE KNEW I thought they were fully fledged Lincs bangers. What next, Cumberland sausage made in Pompeii out of shark’s bollox? I DO NOT know how Waitrose could do this to me, they are EVIL, sick in the skull to pull off this heinous scam. Hampshire is famous for watercress not 🐽s PS the good news is I got a Free Daily Fail with my My Waitrose card, front page is about Prince Andrew’s sausage.

Our Wayne has accepted their sincere apologies & slipped them a quid for the copyright of the sleeping beauty pics of himself. Big mistake, they would’ve got more on Ebay, they will be kicking themselves. I wonder what they blew the £1 on? Meanwhile, Col is topping up her tan in WALES 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 with her parents, stead of supporting her beloved hubby - that is cunting to the max, she should be there for him. Instead, she’s getting her bikini pics in Daily Fail. It’s all her fault. Everything is hurt fault. Cannot upload the pics or the corner will get sued.

How did the Queen get that daft nick name? Elizabeth’s are called Lizzy, Liz or Beth. Now Lilibet will be the top baby girl's name of the year. Lili-cunting-bets everywhere. I wonder why Mega Migleton & Ginger bollocks decided on that name? Doria Loyce Ragland Junior would’ve been best. Love ProfB xxx

Pete Doherty ex Babyshambles lead singer, ex of Kate Moss - takes his husky out for a trot around Normandy - wearing flip flops 😱 As Kate said - nothing tastes as good as skinny which Pete was until he bought a pair of flip flops.

I’ve notice the corner has a ’70’s vibe going on at the mo - Baba O’Riley, even Spotto etc., maybe someone can tell me why the sidecar is a rare sighting these days? Too many pillions, not enough sidecars for sale is the way things have gone - which is cuntage big style. 😤

After the unfortunate Spanish 🐷s in blankets episode in M&S, comes disaster in Argos, they tried to sell me a 1/2 Christmas tree, apparently these are trendy? I wanted a full tree, what am I supposed to do - buy two halves, or three halves for an extra bushy tree. I’ve got a lot of balls to hang on it & a glamorous fairy. Only someone with half a brain wants half a tree - half a turkey please, & sprout halves.