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Having lived in many parts of this soon-to-be-gloriously-independent-again Toilet, I feel I must point out to all my fellow Northern tossers, that you just don't realise how fucking lucky you are. As what would once have been called a Missionary (or Invading Hor) ((smaller than a complete Horde)) I have had the misfortune to dwell amongst these piss-drinking flap-slime licking collection of Southern Jessie cunts for a few years now. Stupid jobs aside (I've got one of those and it pays a fuckin fortune . . . where's me Wad?) - quite simply the Cunts cannot drive. Whichever twat decided to put driving licences on the shelves of Waitrose with the Gluten-free goods needs his piles sorting with a fucking brazing torch. Their Driving Charter reads something like this: 1. Don't ever drive at more than 10mph BELOW the actual speed limit. 2. Never use the handbrake - how the fuck are you going to blind the poor cunt behind you with your vastly over-powered LED brake searchlights if you don't sit forever at traffics lights with your Cunting foot on the brake? 3. Stop in the motorway MIDDLE LANE next to a solid line of stationary traffic and wait for the soppy cunt trapped behind you to be wiped out by that HGV. After all : you're not looking so it can't hurt you, you stupid Fucking Bitch CUNT. 4. Do let that murderous oik who just overtook you for blasting along at 20mph know how rude he is by flashing your lights and gesticulating. Pointless immediately sending him a choice Tweet as the ignorant twat probably can't read. Always remember mirrors and indicators are for Poor People who cannot use The Force. 5. Southern Jessie HGV driving CUNTS are to at all times disregard any '7.5T' restriction signs and do your utmost to use at least 18" of the other carriageway on bends etc - after all there may just be a Northern Cunt in the other vehicle. 6. Try to ensure you join the 'I am a Stupid Cunt' rally on the M25 Car Park at least twice a day. 7. Ensure that you prolong and elongate the stationary mile of traffic trying to get off the motorway by not moving up the slip road until you have AT LEAST 20 car lengths clear in front. That way you can be a totally LAZY FUCKING FUCKWIT SLIME SUCKING CUNT and just creep along in first gear without having to do that 'poor person' manoever : brake. If you do : remember Point 2. 8. Remember : the reason you bought a Merc / BM / Audi is because God granted You the divine right to the outside lane. 9. If you are an immigrant / taxi driver / poor person : your divine position is the Middle Lane. You can take your nap there. 10. Should you have the misfortune to venture into 'The North' please remember that the M60 is just like the M25 - except that the dipshit northern fucking monkeys who use that one are even fucking Thicker than you are you STUPID CUNT. This is only page 1, apparently, but somebody heard my accent so I had to stop reading immediately in case they realised I could. Cunts.

The Highway Code is a document in which our government (people in charge) rightfully dictate how one must act whilst in control of a road vehicle (motorised or not) on a public road. As far as I have seen 99% of cunts throw the rules away within a few hours of passing their driving test. So, here are some reminders for those ignorant fucks: • you may only flash your headlights to alert somebody to your presence. They are not for signalling any action. For example if someone flashes you and so you assume it's safe to pull out then you end up in a crash because someone hits you when you're pulling out, that is YOUR FAULT and you will be liable for the results. Insurance costs and dangerous driving charges. So you're a cunt as well as the cunt who flashed you. • Using any handheld device while your engine is running is completely illegal and you know it. • Eating or drinking while your engine is running is viewed in the same way as when using a phone or other device. • Smoking whilst driving is equally as distracting as having anything else in you hand. However the governcunts won't do anything about this unless you have kids in the car, applying the rules only for the cause of health but not safety. • Cyclists have the same rights as motor vehicle users. Road tax arguments are completely invalid. Have a look at where your tax money goes, cunt. I only need to drive about 20 miles a day but I'd really appreciate it if you cunts would pay attention to the rules and stop cunting it up for me. Thanks xx