scotty

Its the old story keith, happens to everyone. Don't let it get you down, this is christmas.... the prostitute with your virginity marked on her to-do list might be winging her way to your bedsit as we speak. If she is, remember the festive season and tip her £20 on top of her fee.

Happy fucking christmas, you bunch of utter cunts. I hope you all get herpes.

(Im not addressing the denizens of the corner, just practicing my after-lunch speech for tomorrow.)

 

Gazza at 47 earlier this year. Forty fucking seven. I can't see him making the premiere.

jesus fucking wept, is that really him?? My mother in law looks better than that, and she died on monday.

Just fuck off, or fuck off you gay cunt?

I'm shocked you would think me capable of homophobia, dapps. Naturally, I referred to him as a talentless shortarsed foureyed ginger cunt.

I once told elton john to fuck off. And no, he wasn't on top at the time.

I missed that one. Shit.

You didn't miss much tbh. And it clearly hasn't put her off her usual repetitive shite, unfortunately.

When you have an elderly person who is suffering from numerous conditions such as Alzheimer's, combined with mobility problems, then I might be inclined to agree with you. I'm talking about the cunts who have their poor mum locked away if she breaks a hip after one of their children left a toy on the staircase, and they have their hopes set on moving into the mum's home, or gaining control of the healthy bank account. Most doctors will be the first to tell you the best place for healing to occur, is in the home, where the patient is comfortable and still maintains some control of their surroundings.

All very true, except the bits about getting your greasy palms on their bank account (which can't happen without monumentally exceptional circumstances, and god knows I've tried,) and the reasons for the offspring decamping. In my experience, once the poor old codger gets dementia or starts breaking their hips or whatever, the offspring suddenly remember their lifelong dream of emigrating to new zealand/south africa/anywhere out of reach. So the old dear has to go into a home as there remains no practical alternative. I know several families who did exactly that the moment their remaining parent lost her/his marbles and started shitting themselves daily. I'd actually prefer it if they just said outright "we can't cope, she'll have to go into a home" than "we can't cope so we're fucking off to australia, we'll be back when she's dead."

Brand appeals to a certain demographic.....the young, semi-educated middle class. Under the circumstances it's hardly surprising that so many fucking old cretins on here don't like him. He is one of only 2 "name" comedians i have seen live who was a disappointment. He was totally predictable and over reliant on crude sexual remarks. Mind you, i was easily the oldest cunt in the audience so what do you expect? What you wankers have forgotten is that he is a West Ham supporter, a real one not a celebrity arriviste. Some people might admire him for that but for me that is the height of cuntishness. Definitely a fucking cunt!

Has there ever been a more toe-curling moment than when the brand cunt gatecrashed a post match interview and kissed fat sam allardyce? I hope he got herpes from that, (and to clarify, by "he" I mean either of them.)

I read about this weapons grade fucknuckle spouting his peculiar form of pseudo-informed anti government sputum on the news tonight. So, taking some poor innocent bastards hostage and putting an Arabic flag in the window is NOT terrorism? And then shit canning politicians because for once they called it as they saw it?
The mirror kissing hirsute ex dickhead dust snorting bullshit artist. Who the fuck is he to comment?
Stick to what you do best mate. Being a cunt.

Eloquent and accurate, southern. No arguments here, the man is a cunt. I'm surprised though that he'd make the aussie news services, I thought he was purely a british problem, which makes me cringe at what we're exporting to the world.

My mother in law died on monday. That's my christmas fucked then, anybody else been to an italian funeral? (shudders)

The site generally has an irreverent and offensive air about it. We have cunted everything we can think of and a few things that no one has thought of. It is difficult to talk about taste, or lack of when commenting on various threads. The first thread I ever posted on Christmas Day 2011 was the military wives.... Roops took it down. It was judged to be a bridge too far. I accepted it. So it is too with the miscarriage thread. I have received several pms asking for it to be removed. On balance I think it is best to do so.

Some posters didn't want to keep the miscarriage thread, so you just got rid of it. Oh, the irony.

They're probably gonna buy the Jeremy Kyle boxset

True. Probably the only pics they have of themselves.

Aaaah, that brings a lump to my trousers

Back or front?

Usually, a care home is more likely to preserve a decent family relationship than the alternative of diy homecare. They are far better equipped to deal with the everyday needs of an elderly person, such as feeding, medication and hygiene than your average Joe Public will ever be. Look at Norman Bates mother, she'd have been alright tucked up in Happy Pastures in Glendale or something and that Vivien Leigh bird wouldn't of got stabbed in the shower.

Mr milliband will save us all. Be ready to repent

What, is David coming back then? Because his pathetic, lisping insipid sibling isn't going to save anybody except the tories.

Franks on his best behaviour tonight, admin must of given him a right tongue lashing. Final warning was it, stavros?

I was in a post office in Aurillac this morning standing behind a tiny old girl of about 90. She let rip this most almighty fart that made the hairs on my back stand on end... a double bang flip-back clap n wheeze. Like all elderly folk, she couldn't give a shit.

Write up a brief synopsis of that and send it to richard fucking curtis. Then kill yourself.

Its not real poohknee.

Go right ahead gobbler, ruin another fantasy for me. :(

18 is about my top limit.

Fussy cunt. If its got a fanny, I'll shag it. Maybe only once, but there's no need to be picky about dress sizes.

Well.. there you have it, jazz. Despised by everyone everywhere. If there was ever a right time to kill yourself, nowish seems apt.

Looks like franks bipolar is on the upswing. Funny how his last pathetic descent into maudlin self-pity on this thread wasn't long after the full moon, that seems to be an emerging pattern. If he ever takes his own advice and does away with himself, I'd like to get my money down on the two days either side of that, wonder if ladbrokes are running a book on it.

That Andrew Sachs was a lily-livered yellow-bellied whining little shit for not putting a lump hammer through Brand's paper thin effeminate skull when he had the chance. Not a court in the land would have convicted him. In fact, he'd probably have ended up with more medals than fucking Muttley!

Right there, that's a shining example of the corner demographic. How many cunts under the age of 50 are likely to even know who Muttley was?? I bet Baws was like me, cracking one out to Penelope Pitstop at every juvenile opportunity. Happy times 

This thread is what it's all about. My most scurrilous, offensive chums have come into their own and Frank has refused to surrender the colours.

I think you'll find that frank has finally displayed his true colours, rat. 

Russell Brand deserves recognition for his contributions to comedy, literature, fashion, politics and philosophy. I'm hoping he'll soon get a title.

Preferably "The Late".

I'm smoking heavily now, so chances are I may be able to empathise with you all sometime soon.  

You might get run over by a bus tomorrow Jacko. Go on, have a fag.

Give her one up the pong'un?

Snout wrong with that.