scotty

Are you sure that you didn't do it anyway?

I think we have a suspect, Watson.

She's got a face like a fire-damaged bag of sticklebricks!

I'd of given it a fierce one back in the day Baws, she was really pretty before she blew her nose to pieces.

Funny, aint it. I found God by snorting a few grams.

I'm surprised you've missed one quite this blatant, Jazz. Your antennae need honing.

Yes I got them mixed up, but both bully me day & night.

 

Grumpers is probably in hosp having something something removed or transplanted.

 

At £12 a bottle it ain't cheap. 

Keep drinking as much of it as you can afford. Go without food, if necessary.

He made the textbook error of arriving blacked-up at Australian immigration for a laugh, so they shot him.

With those stubby little flippers where his arms ought to be, I'm guessing thalidomide.

Poor fucking Dog, it'll get flattenned one day. I saw a plumpster waddling with it's fatling brats today on the beach. Fucking biting wind etc, so much blubber though the fat bastards are insulated from exposure and regretfully death. They should be reported as 'Traffic Hazards' they're so fucking wide!

Very true. Fat fuckers like that oughtn't to be allowed to own small dogs. That poor Chihuahua will wind up suffocated in one of their arse cracks.

Fucking hell cobra, you're getting a bit obsessive here.

You're right though, I'd give it a fierce one. Fucking lovely piece of crackling, that.

Quite right. Blair would have had us in the single currency. After Blair had his dick in the hole for ten years there wasn't much left for Brown. You are bang on about cunt Major. Alan Johnson is a two faced cunt.

How major managed to get into edwina curries knickers I will never understand. Family values, indeed...

On the alan johnson thing, not sure I agree. He does appear on the surface to hold some principles, hasn't he already ruled himself out of the running to replace milibean? On a side note about that type of labour politico, my wife's nephew was shagging john denholms daughter for a year or two. Pretty hot piece according to the nephew, she's a redhead called rosie.

Selling the gold reserves was a fuck up. The price moved up the next 7 years over $1500 per troy ounce.

True, but at least that fucked over the south africans when he flogged them which I think was probably the point of the exercise. I'm not defending the cunt, he was about as effective as john major in that he fucked up almost everything he tried, but at least kept us out of the eurozone.

He fucked our pensions, and failed spectacularly to keep blair from dragging us into two invasions (despite trying to do so.) But never forget that if it wasn't for this miserable jock cunt we would now be in the euro, and for that fact alone I'm grateful to him.

And Bishop Brennan with the rabbits... and the "My Lovely Horse" dream sequence... and the milk float "Speed" episode...

RIP Dermot - and Ardal O'Hanlan's career.

My personal favourite was when the sexy authoress stayed on craggy island. Ted tried to slip her one but she decided to become a nun instead. Story of my fucking life, that is.

Which branch of tesco was this, keith? That security guard ought to get sacked for assault, the heartless cunt.

Did you feed his wife all those years Scotty? If so, why?

I'll have you know rat, I cooked something edible yesterday. And I didn't put in a mulled wine sachet.

I bet he avoids any mention of that other ugly talentless cunt, the one he married. At least she had the good sense to kick henry out into a travelodge, but she seems to have shrivelled up since then.

He was a cunt back then, and he's still a cunt now. He is also a cunt with no discernible redeeming features whatsoever.

you massive lezzer

The rest of it was pure 24 carat bollocks. All that oh so clever public school shite, barker was a cunt.

Usually after knocking one out thinking of the wife's sister, however today, in Sainsbury's, I told someone to fuck off out of my way. Appalling. Inhumane.

The self loathing ought only to kick in after you fantasise about her sister while your shagging the mrs. A bit of visual aid during a swift one off the wrist doesn't count.

And sainsburys clientele usually need a bit of abuse if you're ever going to squeeze past their fat, aisle-cramming arses. Don't feel bad about it.

juss fuckd er gutz owt @ sofa an she fart on wite cuvva lyke marsbars HAHA
y wank fuckers get err bend ass up wop it in HAHA sooo funee
fuckers kill me HAHA no womans no crys

I wish I'd said that.

I'm probably alone in this, but I always enjoyed Corbett's armchair monologues more than anything else in the two ronnies. Didn't really like anything else he did after that show though, Sorry being particularly cringeworthy.

How come Charles Manson get's a wife and I can't get a girlfriend? Girls always ignore nice guys like me.

Turn bisexual keith, you'll double your chances.

A week in politics is a long time and all that old bollocks, so yes things may change. The difficulty is who is going to give Joe Cunt an in/out question on a referendum? Not any of the three main parties. Supposing Farage wins enough seats to be part of a coalition government next May, do you really think he will be able to implement his number 1 policy? Not a chance. This EU question has been rumbling on for years. The UK has too much invested in this project. This has been decided a long time ago. The only thing that will alter the status quo would be an improbable UKIP majority next May. Not on the cards as I see it. A week in politics being a long time is your only hope.

The way I see it PK, is that if the Tories do get back in, (which unless labour somehow conjure up an alternative to milibean seems very likely,) UKIP are probably the most likely coalition partners. Farage will never play ball without a referendum cast in granite.

That said, a straightforward in-out vote is never going to produce anything but "in", mainly because of the fear factor. If there was a real choice offered, such as different areas we can already opt out of or a change in legislation over ever joining the eurozone without it taking at least 5 years to get it through, it could happen, or at least be helpful to the anti-eu contingent.

Cordon Bleu cooking, screen play writing, what next for Scotty? Apparently I top you in the rabid anti-semite stakes so yah boo stubs!

The problem there ratty, is anything antisemitic in the screenplay means we won't get the big bucks from Hollywood. Keep your eye on the ball, I reckon this is a 24 carat money spinner. Keith could become the next name to go viral, you read it here first.

It can't be. But hey, it's outrageous how he is treated in society. I find myself waiting for each new instalment with baited breath.

You're onto something here spotter, I reckon there's a film in this. I'll draft out a synopsis.

Yeah. Pizza Hut, not as good as it used to be, eh.

Never before have the words "Pizza Hut" and "good" been used in the same sentence.