scotty

I've got a DJI Quadcopter and its an amazing bit of kit. Why anyone would waste the capability of one spying on a twat like you is bizarre.

Don't waste any brainpower on it daps, she's only indulging in wishful thinking.

Has he wriggled out of chokey then?

APPROVAL NEEDED

"Eh up we've got an alcoholic here..."

Fucking hell nocti, how embarrassing is that when the cunting till just keeps barking it out as you put your days shopping through. Utter cunts, I just go to Makro instead nowadays, at least they aren't so fucking judgemental.

All he ever does is cunt other members. Its not his fault though, I blame his parents for leaving him on his own when he was child. He was abducted by aliens and they did unspeakable things to his brain.

Its not what the aliens did to his brain he wants to worry about gobbler, its what they stuck up his arse. Still, at least that's prepared him for his 18 month stretch.

Made me laugh....

Fwank.. your turn for a story...
...or fuck off "commentating" on others reasonable efforts...

Freedom or death!

I take it back. For some reason the dear pen thread was showing 0 replies, fuck knows why.

errrrm. Does she do Double-Dutch?

I doubt it jazz, she's also a raging god-botherer. Life is not fair.

I'm a cunt. I think it's here again.

Nothing matters very much Cat, and most things don't matter at all.

The French are allright.. harmless. It's the fucking Dutch I don't like.. soulless tight-arsed fucking thicko's the lot of em.

One of my neighbours is a dutch bird. Absolutely cracking pair of bangers on her, plus she's a GP so could resuscitate me after shagging me into cardiac arrest.

Sorry, what was the topic again?

is this that fat jewish lass that has an opinion on everything or am i thinking of someone else ?

You might be thinking of Vanessa Feltz.

Pebble dash?

No worries CB. A couple more pints and I'll jap it off.

Sheep-scaring fucking cunt.

He's "funny" because he can do twatty impressions of people who are almost as cancerously unfunny as he is. Also, when he falls under the cuntishly sad misapprehension that he HAS said something remotely humorous, he does an infuriating cum-slurping wink and smile at the camera, immediately setting in immortal stone his status as one of the biggest cunts to ever taint the planet.

That side-look of his towards the camera is as monumentally annoying as the crowbarred 'impressions' he shoehorns into every fucking programme he appears on.

Got to add, I was well chuffed when Brydon (cunt) and Fry (cunt) got pipped to the post of new chairman for Sorry I haven't a clue by Jack Dee (not a cunt.)

Come on, at least try to keep this fucking believable!

Miaow.

I used to work on the asset tagging systems in a well known retailer, always had loads of them sticky tags. Was always a laugh when you stuck one on some cunts rucksack as he was exiting. Used to do it to the kids as well till the other half got fucked off with keep getting stopped, and persuaded me to cease forthwith.

Persuaded you how, dc? Withdrawal of conjugal rights?

Wotakunt's right; all the Stans are certainly cunts. I don't want to start a load of Stans here, but does anyone remember Stan Bowles' hair do? Cunt's wife should have dumped in double quick time after seeing that barnet. Oh wait a minute...

Fucking hell, that's a blast from the past. Stan Bowles, wasn't he QPR? Yes, that was mullet and a half alright.

For fuck sake Scotty, what happened to you man ? Cooking dinner ? And talking about fucked up lamb, why hasn't Profb commented ?

I didn't have the ready cash for a takeaway, Jacko. Can't expect the wife to do a 12 hour shift then come home and cook dinner, I do have some scruples. (They may be rotten, but they're all mine.)

I loathe dogs like this and would be happy to gas there arses to buggery. However, Mr. Fidler is a better cook than Scotty so I'd rather sleep with him than the Corner Poisoner.  

I don't actually recall offering to sleep with you rat, but I'm open to negotiation. I'm beyond being fussy, tbh.

This fuckwitt had the brilliant idea of bypassing those pesky planning laws, and building a mock-tudor mansion on his farm. The cunning part of the  wheeze was to simply build it, then hide it behind a fucking great bale of hay and hope that nobody spotted it.

 

That was in 2002. Planning permission has been denied umpteen times, and he is now faced with the prospect of having to tear it down.

 

I'd like to get a petition together, who's with me? (Not to keep his poxy house in place, but to have the cretin sectioned.)

 

 

 

 

What are going to call this brilliant creation then Scotty? Lamb fuck-up? Mauled lamb?

I did consider "Christmas Lamb Surprise" rat, but if truth be told I lied towards the end there. It was actually fucking horrible.

Bought a nice half-leg of lamb at the weekend, and as the mrs was working a long shift at the hospital today, I decided to put on a nice casserole between jobs. Found a decent looking recipe off the bbc website by that downsy spacker jamie oliver, and set to it. We had all the ingredients, the last of which was a bouquet garni; I knew we had these as I'd bought the fuckers a few months back and stuffed them in the kitchen drawer, they're like a teabag. Lobbed it in at lunchtime, oven on low, lavvly jabbly as the faux-cockernee would put it.

 

Picked up the wife from work at 7, back home, gave her a glass of vino reddo and proudly took the casserole out the oven. Served it up on a pile of mash, and in we tucked.

 

Cough from the wife. "Ahem.....interesting flavour, what spices did you use?"  I told her it was just seasoning and a bouquet garni. "Where did you find that?" she asks. I showed her. "Thats a fucking mulled wine sachet," she informs me.

 

Still, it didn't taste half bad so if anyone wants the recipe, pmail me.

I love the dead ones, no sitting around at Xmas while they fart out Sprout gas, no nursing home visits watching the old cunts dematerialising, just their inheritances...

I'm dreading the day my mother in law croaks. Thats when the rest of her family will discover how much I've copped off her, might have to do a Lucan. :(

Every family has at least one complete and utter cunt who nobody wants to be forced to endure.  If you could claw hammer a family cuntbreed, who would it be?

 

I would say my father, but he already got the big hammer, so I'll have to say my oldest brother.  He went down a path of complete fuckwittery from the time he could talk. 

I can't think of a specific one, so its probably me.

God damn, I was nearly in tears by the end of that,

I know how you feel, its like Watership Down but without the dead rabbits. I'm welling up here.

An "eat all you can" curry? What in the name of all the holy fucks did he expect was going to happen!

...and a scottish one at that, Baws. I bet it was battered and deep fried.

We went for a meal on Friday for one of my daughters' birthdays, but the Toby Carvery hovel we were going to was full (of cunts), so we went for an "eat all you can" curry instead. Seven of us, including drinks, came to £130, which for the amount of shite we ate and drank, I thought reasonable. However, I've been shitting fucking plutonium for the last 18 hours. What I mistook for wind, I prudently sat down on the lav to expel and thank fuck I did. I hosed the enamel with about 4 litres of a rather fetching russet non-drip emulsion. Since about 3 am today, I've been jet-washing a frapuccino gloss every 40 minutes. My fucking poor arse feels like it's been sanded with 40 Grit. Bastard.

Thanks for the image vodds, I was enjoying my lunchtime sarnie til I read that.

LMAO, I don't know what your on about.  Have you been drinking?  What mysterious case have you solved tonight? 

I think jazz might be hinting that he believes you to be one of wads multiple id's.