scotty

31 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I’d like to pretend it took mad l33t skills, but sadly it was the work of about 20 seconds on my iPhone while lazing by the pool in the Caribbean with an early morning cocktail 😉

A cocktail? You fucking poof, what's wrong with Buckfast, breakfast of Caledonian champions?

14 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1178566/brexit-news-paddy-ashdown-no-deal-vote-leave-eu-liberal-democrats-revoke-article-50/amp

Baws, I knew two things for certain when I posted that remark to KB.

One, that you would spot it.

Two, that you would also ferret out the video even if it meant digging through your habitual alleyways in the dark web. 👍👍😄

11 hours ago, ratcum said:

where do you stand on jews?

11 hours ago, Carl Sway said:

Same as every other denomination, on the neck.

You are Derek Chauvin and I claim my £5.

3 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Little boy 'Mummy, why is that prawn hanging between grannies legs?'

Mummy  'that isn't a prawn darling, it's her clitoris'

Little Boy  'well it tastes like a prawn'

For fucksake, Scrotes 🤢

11 hours ago, King Billy said:

Any cunt who thinks it’s easy being a conspiracy theorist obviously hasn’t tried it.

Here's one for you, Bill. After the EU referendum, there was footage widely shown of a brief interview with Paddy Ashdown where he said unambiguously that the result, whatever it should be and whatever the margin, must be upheld and enacted without question. He said that was crucial to the notion of democracy and even if the decision was to get out, Parliament had to enact it immediately and without question. I looked it up myself and watched what there was of it, with a simple search that brought up loads of links to the video.

Here's the conspiracy bit. You try and find that footage anywhere online now. 

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Bob Valdez is in blackface. I like him even more now. This is more impressive than the bit with the big stick.

The bird came up with an unexpectedly astute remark recently Eric. We were watching some old bollocks on the tellybox, there were some of our darker brethren wearing white pancake make-up. My beloved peered at the screen and said "isn't that a bit racist?"

I'm telling you, she's the one. 😍😍❤️

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Bob Monkhouse 

People laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian.

They aren't laughing now.

14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

My two favourite comedians? There’s one⬆️, the other also has the initials BM.

I never found Barry Manilow particularly amusing, tbh.

23 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

He drives a Jag. Which makes him almost English. If he had any loyalty to Scotlandland, he would own a Hillman Imp, or an Argyll Voiturette.

If he was really Scots, he'd fucking walk before forking out on a motor vehicle. 

1 hour ago, cunt said:

Are you Chubby Brown in disguise?

I'm not having that said about my friend here, Eric "Bernard Manning" Cuntman. 😡😡

Lewis-Smith on Andrew Lloyd Webber…

There were those who considered him a plug-ugly third rate tunesmith making a fortune from ripping off the classics. His critics, however, were less kind.

Quality. 😄😄

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I didn’t know his guide dog was anorexic! Or called Vicky.

Why did the blind man walk off the cliff?

Because I threw a stick for his dog.

18 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

The Secret Diary Of David Beckham:

“I gets up at 5 o’clock and has three shredded wheat, then I go for a five mile run, then I go home and have bacon & eggs and sausages and beans. 
 Vicky does get up at 12 o’clock and has 3 sugar puffs.. but she does cough them up again.”

Eric, for a few brief surreal moments there, I read that as David Blunkett and wondered what the fuck you were on about. 😄😄

13 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Well, when I said new, I meant new as in a new car for me. What with the cost of living and all that I've bought something to take my time and work on, over the next decade. 

https://images.app.goo.gl/51JbD1pFXdKT3rSz5

Couple of weekends with the chamois and maybe an oil change OCR, she'll be good to go.

10 hours ago, The Beast said:

I want to see an English team managed by an Englishman, not this current wet cunt though.

Southgate is English by birth, but considers himself otherwise. He's like a drippy version of Ali G or Lineker, he's only white in appearance.

In his defence, there's been a lot of criticism about his tactical ability, substitutions and so on. This is unfounded. He has definitely altered the team's kneeling time, and when it came to his unshakeable principles on the Rainbow poofters charter, he ditched those in no time flat when threatened with the ultimate sanction of a yellow card by the Floggers and HandChoppers  Qatari Branch. 

26 minutes ago, ProfB said:

I want to throw up after reading the posts. 😕

"Bulimics of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your dinner."

John Prescott, 2005

1 hour ago, ProfB said:

Eric, the corners anorexic jokes are wearing a bit thin 😬

I'm glad you brought that up.

17 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Nice. One careful owner, the other 27 didn’t give a fuck. Ive probably owned more BMWs than any other make over the years, including a 2002 tii in the early 80s, an E30 325i sport and an E36 M3 evo, all of which I have great memories of . I also had a Skyline R33, 2.3 and 2.5 Cosworth 190E Mercs back in the day. My M4 is scarily fast but doesn’t thrill me anywhere near as much as most of my previous beasts used to. Everything is too detached from the driver and electronically managed nowadays.

I've long harboured a desire for one of these, Bill.

https://www.historics.co.uk/buying/auctions/2016-08-20/cars/ref-8-1972-bmw-2002-touring/

34 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Withers, I'm going to smash your puckered, old arsehole into smithereens. Have you ever seen an overripe watermelon get battered with a claw hammer? That's what you're going to be dealing with.

I suggest that you collect all the grease from your female relatives armpits to lube yourself up, because you're going to fucking need it.

I'm no expert, but I'm sensing hostility here. 

2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Fucking hell Scotty, not even Drew?

Scrotes, compared to this drivel from Meatus, the combined output of even Prof B and Pen looks like the golden era of Oscar Wilde.

24 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

That cunt will be treated like royalty by the AB. 

You mean they'll pimp him out to an Arab in Paris, and have them both killed? 🤔👍

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Get over it everyone. It’s not like it’s even a proper sport, like machete fighting or cross country queer bashing.

I'd like to see Southgate appointed head of the KKK Gay-Bashing team. He'd have the team kneeling, but not in a protesty sort of way, more in appreciation. And wearing shirts sponsored by the Minnesota Police, complete with it's haloed Chauvin logo.

3 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Is it even worthwhile trying to derail this Nom?

No, it's not. This absolute bollocks makes anyone else on here look like a fucking genius, and I don't exclude anyone but the OP from that statement.

2 hours ago, Neil said:

The quality of penalties in this world cup has been fucking atrocious. Preening,posing,stuttering and generally fannying about instead of running up and kicking the cunting ball normally. Being paid millions a year you'd have thought these thick cunts would hve sussed it out wouldn't you? 

Ah, but it's so great when they fuck it up. Somehow, Spacker Harry doesn't look anywhere near the cunt Rashwoke did when he did exactly as you describe in the Euro final and also missed.

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It was that husky, breathy voice.

"...as long as you don't have the scampi..."