Jiggerycock

I think that's pretty much the case for 90% of the population.

The bunch of buffed-up, shiny suits and smarmy personalities that off-piss me least.

Case in point.

"Put more cunts in prison for longer!"

"Fine - mind if I put up your taxes to pay for the Cap Ex on more prisons and prison officers?"

"Fuck That!"

Eh?

Of course we swallow it!!

We fucking love the bullshit fairytales these cunts come out with. Just watch as grown adults get into a righteous strop about which set of fantasists they believe in.

Any politician that tells the truth is a fucking imbecile and has the shelf-life of a cream cake in Kerry Katona's fridge.

Try sitting behind or even better next to the cunts and loudly humming "Ride of the Valkaries" and yabbering about the smell of napalm in the morning.

......as the badass motherfuckers ride the old 7.32 from Godalming for another day of 'would you like Fries with that?' under the delusion they're going upriver mob-handed with Robert Duvall to pop a cap in Marlon Nando's ass near Fenchurch St station......or something.

Once again science proves it's out to crush every last vestige of joy and liberty from our lives under the uncaring jackboot of 'progress'.

No longer then the unthinking glee of delivering a volley of abuse, middle digit extended skywards, to the (inevitably) smaller and weaker specimen of humankind that has just barged in front of you after sailing down the outside lane at an obviously coned off section of motorway.

Putin tries too hard.

All this riding around bare-chested, pumped up in in leather chaps just smacks of homo-erotic art concept.

I bet he's got a huge Thomas of Finland art collection in his ice palace cellar.

You're a boring bastard and you never say anything funny....ever.

Well to be fair, since every thread now inevitably descends into a version of 'You're a cunt', 'No You're a cunt' it's a bit tough to come up with a new riff on this overarching theme.

'Quelle cunte' (feminine ou masculine) doesn't really cut it for me.

Since everyone now has one of these contraptions it's no longer the mark of the ostentatious prick to be heard yammering into the void about 'just coming into a tunnel near Temple Meads - I'll call you back'.

I think we've come full circle here and if it's the world and his wife you want to piss off on a train, we're back to the 'squaddie with a mountain of Tenants Extra cans that's getting a bit lairy' persona you want to be adopting.

There certainly is!

And while I'm here, you are what you eat and I am beautiful so that proves I eat beautiful food and I eat what i fucking like.

"You are what you eat"

....says the World Cunnilingus Champion.

You just keep your head down, pay as best you might and hope you never, EVER have to interact with any of these cunts on any other kind of level, else you end up feeling like you're on one of these for all eternity

Because we're all likely to go down the pool this afternoon and blithely lunch ourselves into orbit, throwing the biomechanics of diving joyously to the four winds, crashing poolwards and scattering the Pakistani kids throwing their locker key in and diving to find it.

What kind of stupid cunts does he take us for (rhetorical)?

Mental note to self: never assume anything re Cunts Corner.

I was labouring under the misapprehension this twitchy Bagpuss-lookalike was one of the founding cornerstones of our little monument to cuntyness.

How wrong can you be?

I labour in the (vain) hope that his leaving QPR might mean an end to his Omni-present 'chim-chimmineeing' arsehole-fucking-cunt persona across all media platforms, but I somehow doubt it. In fact I bet him and his doilum son are the 'Ant and Dec de nos jours, forever parading their ill-informed tripe across the airwaves, 24-7.

Harsh?

After the stroke this cunt pulled on Betfair in the 'Next Southampton Manager Market' the morning he was appointed there, couple with the fucking front he had to come up with 'I know nuffink about computers me guv' fuckwittery during his trial last year, I hope the Bells Palsy cunt has Satan's little helpers prodding his balls with Nitromors-tipped lances for all eternity.

The eating habits of this nation - fuck it, the entire Western World - are a source of endless fascination.

Stroll the aisles of your local supermarket and watch awestruck as these porcine entities scrabble around the freezers and tins with their little tissue claws for this weeks' synthesis of Tartrazine and calories they can stash into the ravine of their fourth chin, and run back to their squalid little freak-caves in whatever assisted ghetto they come from, for some sustenance in their battles with the pest control authorities.

My new Range Rover is real and supports English Workers.

English Workers?

They're shit - never been the same since Redknapp changed to a 4-4-2 formation with Enoch Powell and Oswald Mosely upfront

I hope you don't drive after taking class B drugs or undertake any work of a meaningful or hazardous nature.

I hope you do!

Fuck shit up! Make it interesting!!

Hobby Bobbies

Self-referencing is pretty cunty but fuck knows where I pulled Dave 'Boy' Green from.

'The Fen Tiger' from Chatteris. Looked like a Garden Salad on two legs and sounded worse.

Harry Carpenter

Nope, I'm pretty sure it was Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. I'd have definitely remembered if the four-eyed boxing anchorman had come out with 'In the duck-egg blue corner we have some Laura Ashley flock wallpaper and in the red with a hint of cinnamon corner we have Dave 'Boy' Green!'

Turns out it's not black anymore

 

It's 'Charcoal Grey', I mean a big a load of molten horseshit you'll not find outside a Garth Crooks interview!

I'm a simple man.

Sky Sports package and surround sound telly. Decent hi-fi system a comfy bed, a toilet that flushes and that's pretty much my key requirements from a domestic unit.

Now I'm not some unreconstituted Neanderthal. I can run up a fair Sunday roast (given 6 months notice in writing) and have been known to iron the odd shirt but just because some predatory homosexual off the goggle box makes poor people feel like dirt by fellating a dado rail and Aga on 'Homes Under The Hammer' or 'Interior Designs' or 'Pimp My Cubicle' or whatever tawdry shite these cathode-ray Onanists are foisting on us this week, suddenly I have to be involved in establishing the PRECISE shade of ruddy Organza the front parlour curtains should be made in.

Bring me a beer and fuck off whilst you are doing it!

(Hetereosexual - what the fuck is that? Yes I know. You correct basic spelling mistakes because it gives you a hard on!)

That bit about shooting them in the neck got me thinking.

Wasn't this the black bloke with no neck who bowled seam up for England in the late 80's? Played for Warwickshire?

Where's Applescruff when you need him, the selfish cunt?

I don't see where the leadership is going to come from to formulate any such plan. With the amount of in fighting amongst different denominations of Islam, surely it would be easier to manipulate the situation so another group can deal with these headbangers?

Good point

One way that could be implemented tomorrow is to back Assad.

O f course, we have 'previous' in backing the wrong horse in a two-horse race but I'd go with him in a heartbeat rather than have the world try to deal with the alternative.

By now there must be a group of nations whose populations (certainly) and governments (probably) have an anti-IS disposition, who MAY be prepared to come together in a full military alliance to defeat these savages in the borders of their own self-professed caliphate.

I realise in talking about IS it is a nuanced situation. I am not talking about anti-Muslim , or even anti-Sunni Muslim (the sect represented by IS) sensibilities, but nations whose government and populations understand that the threat to the peace of the world is greater (and continues to grow) whilst these barbarians have any traction on the world stage.

I realise that such a broad military alliance is unlikely and would require great diplomatic skill, before you get to military command structures and interoperability of military kit between disparate nations.

But physical military defeat is the only thing that will stop IS.

They do not respond to civilised norms. Anything other than extreme barbarity is viewed as a weakness and, as is seen on a daily basis, they have a 'by any means necessary' attitude to their jihad. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-29123528)

Yes there will be fallout. Never mind the bodybags returning home. Engagement on the ground with IS will inevitably mean more pictures like the revolting video of the immolation of the Jordanian pilot doing the rounds on social media - but with Australian, Russian, Japanese, British victims (men and I daresay female combatants). There will also be homeland issues to be faced, with an increase of radicalised blowhards prepared to 'do a Lee Rigby' against kuffir in his own backyard.

But the alternative?

What if IS get their hands on / develop the technology to make a nuclear weapon? How wide will the borders of the Caliphate grow, given they are knocking at the doors of Turkey (a NATO member state) and Russia as well as North Africa now?

Doubt the tubby cunt can even circumnavigate his own gut to give himself a hand shandy - so his penis is but a foreign land to him on every level.