Jiggerycock

Can an Oak tree buy you a bongo mag

Will a Ponsettia lend you a fiver?

When was the last geranium to organise a stag do in Riga (complete with strippers and everything)?


Canny fuckers, plants.

Tired old formula of a show what we want is glory holes and contestants guessing who is on the other end.
How about blow jobs and who can fill the measuring buckets gets a meal,be more interesting

You haven't thought this through have you.

Blow jobs at glory holes - that IS a meal (at least where I cum from)

I bet he sits around all day, tugging at his foreskin until his wang looks like Kenny from South Park

Diane Abbott planning to run for Mayor of London

First time she's ran for anything. 'Waddled her porcine pseudopodia' more like....

This nomination totally lacks granularity

Black Friday?

I'll say it is!

Loading the i-pod with James Brown, Issac Hayes, Curtis Mayfield, Hendrix, Sam Cooke, Public Enemy, Randy Crawford and Bad Brains to Volume 11.

I've a lifetime supply of gaspers, some booze and Pot Noodles and I don't plan on coming out from under the stairs until my X-Factor anti-retroviral drugs have started working

Fuck you coppers - you'll never take me alive!

Dust to Dust
Ashes To Ashes
Scabies was here
Until his Rav 4 dun crashes

Can you imagine a whole film with this kind of dialogue? Or a play?

What about a football commentary, that'd be neat!

"Hurst? iz he-acumminn brooooom broom, but brov spots peeps on de pitch! HAAA HAA wot goin around finkin itz orl over?
Tiznow"

I think he's 'avant'

He is be-bop!

Modden langwidge? sez fukk I subvert bigtime HA HA fuckin' chortle.

yous cunts sez cunt isa cunt
cunt e must   b 
football telly to nigt
she coocks giv boooz alnigt fuck gutz l8rs HAHA fuckers

Well I for one appreciate what you bring to the party - in a random, mentalist kind of way.

I made par at the last 4 holes when I played, however, my attire let me down. No plus fours, or yellow and blue diamond patterned jumper. I couldn't even afford a tray of caviar blinis in the clubhouse ?

I started the day off with a nice 69

Nothing to do with golf - just me being a big old love-Albatross

It's like calling your daughter Chardonnay. Adds a bit of class and distinction. I've decided to change my own name accordingly.

I was saying the same thing to my kids, Mm-Denone and Dado-Rail only the other day

Fortunately I'm a member of three clubs so I've no need.

It's a market!!!

Heaven - 1/3
The Monday Club - Evens
Batley and Castleford Working Man's Club - 500/1

Sweaty and little? We do not know.

A git? Almost certainly.

Stupid? Played a former cabinet minister like a fucking computer game!

Good point Jiggers.
I fly the Jolly Roger at full mast during most daylight hours and one of either Pakistan or Sierra Leone at weekends when I don't want any visitors. By using the correct flag, one has a brand new language at ones disposal without having to utter a single word.

I only ever hoist the Rainbow pennant if I want back-door deliveries, if you get me, and I NEVER hang out the white sheet, as I surrender to no man or beast.

Big fan of your work Jazz.

I think this 'flagflying to let the world know what's going on in your life' leitmotif has legs.

"Well met my noble Lord Clit! Red fly the flags in the kingdom of Vulva this day?"

Fly the Saltire and you're a proud Scotsman

Have a St Patricks Day party, waving the tricolour about and you're a happy-go-lucky, cheeky little son of Erin

Fly the Welsh flag and no one understands, much less cares.

Fly the Cross of St George and you're a racist

A cycling accident, yes, but the OP fails to mention whether this was a cyclist running into him, in some bizarre U2 jihad mercy-mission.

Falling off his ego....or falling off The Edge.

That was pretty shit wasn't it?

If you have been affected by any of the postings in this thread.....



.....you need to have a strong word with yourself. If that doesn't work, FUCK OFF YOU DIV!. Go back to banging on your tambourine in your 'special' summer fete.Your mum won't be there to watch because she never wanted a backward boy who eats fag ash and shouts "HIYA" every time a person walks past.

I'm a cunt. I think it's here again.

Some strange feline existential comment?

You are what you eat its simple. Eat shit and you look shit. Eat wot I does and you look fabulous.

I'm never doing cunnilingus again then

Bust up?

Well, more of a 'mince and flounce out' really

Well colour me fucking surprised!

Outside of the Houses of Parliament, scientific research is the biggest money-train going.

Pass round the hat for some more research 'to prove climate change is man-made' and watch the governments shit gold into it.

Do They Know It's Christmas?.... Not many of them I shouldn't think, as Sierra Leone is predominantly Muslim. I'm not too sure the religious beliefs and practices of people from other religions are particularly high on their RE curriculum. Pedantry aside, we've all got to suffer this patronising shit for months now. The only plus side is that fucking Mistletoe & Wine might get less airtime this year. Merry Christmas.

I think there will be plenty of 'Mistletoe and Wine' this year unfortunately

....except 'Wine' will have a motherfucking 'aitch' in it!

Band aid are finger plasters, & mine don't sing thank god.

In a very real sense, Band Aid are but a sticking plaster {takes out an Onion and sobs gently at the futility of it all....}

I think you've inadvertently helped narrow down her genus for us there. Now for the $64000 question - bactrian or dromedary?

'Penguin' isn't it?