colonelkurtz

They should have left that wall in Berlin alone, there's been nothing but wars, fuck ups and assorted bother ever since  Reagan, Gorbachen and that Knight Rider Bay Watch cunt met up in Bolton necked a couple of pints with Fred Dibnah , got a quote and flash bang wallop, wall gone and the West was flooded with seething murderous ex commies hell bent on enjoying McDonalds, Ford Mondeos and Manchester City. 

On 20/04/2024 at 10:30, ChildeHarold said:

Fucking boring predictable and disruptive.   The route never changes bcause the cunts organising this exercise in selfish narcissistic cult of body worship have their brains in their fucking feet.   So every year the SAME areas and the SAME roads in EAST LONDON get fucking closed off for a whole day.   Why not WEST LONDON for a change?   It's funny how spectator numbers and TV viewing figures plunged after Jimmy Savile dropped out.   Those gold lurex polyester shell suits and the ubiquitous Grouch Marx cuban were a real crowd pleaser.   As for the Chris Chattaway family emporium who has turned it into a multi million pound cash cow - who would have thought Chariots of Fire could be melted down for charity rackateers and BUPA knee and hip replacements?   And that fucking monotonous BBC coverage with the usual arseholes including that woman (who wears courdroy trousers and does Crufts) holding the fort and "putting a stiff upper lip" on what is basically a dull grey shitty repetitive spectacle. 

" Tell me your reasons  for taking part " .. " Thing is Gabby I feel self gratification is so under represented these days , I mean it takes a certain type of person to willingly spend £500 plus on the most garish trainers available and high end vest and knickers to schlep around the streets , and I mean credit to the organisers it is thankfully through mainly affluent respectable areas.   Who knows you could easily find yourself running alongside Amanda Holden or maybe even royalty. As for next year , can we please do do away with the tatty paper numbers safety pinned for gods sake to the already mentioned speciality , definitely not Sports Direct,  clothing items. The wheelchairs are just amazing aren't they , much more chic than the powered ones we see on the High Street  popping in and out of Matalan and Greggs. "

Wellness my fecking arse . A wise man or woman once said a vigorous wank or a good shit is guaranteed to make all your troubles fade away. Let's see them put that advice out on daytime TV where there's certainly no shortage of willing and able so called expert cunts available. 

17 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

I don't get it, are you nominating Kim or Alan? 

Titchmarsh every time. Simpering mummys boy pin up for all the Dorothys , Brendas and Audreys out there with a glass of Pims in one hand and Rampant Rabbit in the other.  

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-68664644

It seems the fashion faux pas commited by that Simpering  Yorkshire Cunt Alan Titchmarsh has enraged Supreme leader Kim Jong  Doo Dah. Apparently denim is right out and not at all on trend in Northern Korea and the people demanded  that his  Levis be blurred out of his get down and dirty gardening pictures as this sort of shit stirring is a strictly not  permitted. All a bit rich from a nation led by a fucking 5ft cube who at least does have a  tailor with a decent sense of humour.
 

1 hour ago, entitled little cunt said:

Sorry , I jumped on your bandwagon about red nose bollox.It was unintended .

 

No need for an apology ..  let's just be thankful that caring sharing cunts like us know the true value of those special nights in the year when charidees and pontificating Z list celebs lecture us while keeping an eye on viewing figures and blog likes. I eagerly await the appointment of Sir Leonard of Dudleys replacement .. my money is on Frankie Boyle.  

Cost of living . Gaza .  Ukraine . Collapsed NHS ... nah. Let's instead all spare a thought for the poor dears amidst their ghastly fuck up of a task which could be competently done these days by most 12 year olds with couple of minutes to spare between sending dick pics world wide. 

1 hour ago, ChildeHarold said:

Rab C Nesbitt? 

Works better in Parisian rather than Govan accent

On 12/02/2024 at 21:38, camberwell gypsy said:

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue, that ain't a knife. This is a knife"

C Dundee (1986) 

I always preferred that French blokes approach sitting next to the Houston woman on the TV chat show with his " Aaah waant to ferck yueuwwh"

2 hours ago, Penny Farthing said:

Wasn't he the suffolk strangler?

Was he Smashy or Nicey and can we expect a poptastic rocka doodle do star studded celebriddy packed funeral ?

All I gathered from the cosy chat was how come this Carlson cunt has that permanent 'concerned' expression that he clearly thinks conveys appreciation or understanding of the proceedings but merely looks as though he just shat himself or trying  to curl on out on the sly. ?  Vlad however merely bears that relaxed smirk that says "da, muurican twatski". 

With the media now at defcon red white and blue eagerly awaiting the Middleton womans rightful ascension to the new queenie gig and the accompanying super soar away front pages with full colour centre spread yummy mummy fashion tips and grooming advice.

Nicholas Witchell will be polishing the good brogues and ironing the sombre suit

As for Sunak .." Thoughts and prayers etc., etc. ...    But hey !  Coronation and Election combo boost. fucking get in! "

20 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

Is your avatar the Hal 3000 computer or the Amstrad one from Currys? 

The last time I looked the  Commodore 64 is still languishing  in the loft along with other assorted shite that I've never got round to dumping although Mrs Kurtz did suggest  long ago that we could get rid rid of the collection of "interesting" magazines from my dim and distant youth.  All you young 'uns can stop sniggering as well, 64kbRam + 20kbRom with C90 cassette game loading was the dog's bollocks back then.
 

TORVILLE AND DEAN- Simpering go to option for anything to do with poncing about in sequins and mascara then falling arse over tit. More personality in a basket full of damp washing. 
TIM PEAKE- The lovable cuddly ISS crew member whose main responsibility was emptying the bins and admonishing anyone  thinking of setting fire to farts. 
JANE McDONALD- Where the fuck did this come from and what's it for ?  One time pub singer and now alleged travel and cultural expert. One for the menopausal mummsy demographic and Northern [well, Yorkshire, but never mind]. The GILF Hall of fame awaits.
CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS- Much like seasonal vegetables being mainly available December to February for unfucking believably inflated ticket priced seasonal 'entertainment' extravaganzas. Suggestions that any old cack panel show are  also part of his repertoire are untrue darling.
EDWINA CURRY- Jewish , Eggs,  Blow Jobs, Front Door, Back Door ...   Ooh, a little bit of politics there. 
NOEL EDMONDS – Archetypal smug 70's poptastic R1 type. Once the face of Saturday evening TV , now the face so deserving of a high velocity meeting with a length of rough sawn 4x2 . A few re invents later and hey presto we have the all round cunt we all know and detest making him a perfect fit in Australia.
ASSORTED  ‘ NATIONAL TREASURES’  - D.Attenborough ,  J. Dench   , D.Jason ,  I.McKellen ,  C.Balding ,  J. Oliver . L.Henry etc.
ROYALTY/ARISTOCRACY – The undisputed  gold standard for generational winging it. Far too numerous to mention.
OH! ..  and ALAN SUGAR -  Just because.
 

Willing to abandon my political instincts by nominating Penny Mordaunt - my fantasy 80's Catherine Deneuve wank bank chart topper.

2 hours ago, Penny Farthing said:

Noisy people do seem to forget that Trump did not actually win the popular vote Mrs Clinton actually won around 2,000,000 more of the popular votes tha Trump .. Biden did actually win around 2,000,000 more votes than Trump. As to Biden's "frail condition", many elderley people are frail but alert .. Trump is also elderly and his behaviour suggests that he is delusional an unfit to run any country.

The flabby orange arse wipe is unfit to run a fucking pay as you go portaloo

The stupid bastarding cunt at Tesco filling station tonight was obviously unaware that the hoses are more than capable of reaching around  the car regardless of which side your filler is on. The gormless cunt obviously thinks there's no option other than lining up the filler like that cute littls dashboard picture tells you to do. The real cuntness is the waiting queue she causes while doing  what resembles three or four 10  point turns with endless circuits of the forecourt combined with forward -  reverse - left - right ... ooh which one is it ? Then it's ooh .. is it the green hose or the black one ?  She's only driving a fecking Nissan Juke ffs . Even the cashier at the kiosk window has a look on his face that says " Tell you what love,  just fuck off to Sainsburys why don't you" 

Biggles and his pals - jolly good chaps one and all - would certainly have approved of such spiffing  japes above our green and pleasant land before setting out to prang a few jerries over the channel.

The Red Arrows, What a bunch of "Look up in awe mere mortals and marvel at us in our sexy red flying suits" cunts

10 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

Yeah but it was a 60 year old full set of natural teeth in a 75 year old mouth. Fucking get real. Most of us without the best private dentistry are lucky to get to retirement with half a dozen teeth left (if we're lucky) to chew our gruel. 

At least we can be thankful that the Middleton woman won't let herself go like her father in laws sister. The glowing complexion, , the bony arse, the radiant smile that says my shit doesn't stink will, in years to come still be there for all to gaze upon in wonder and provide the Daily Express with eye catching front page fashion advice pictures alongside coverage of Emperor Trumps Mount Rushmore sculpture opening ceremony and accompanying public firing squad and lynching celebrations.

2 hours ago, Penny Farthing said:

Surely a senior royal with a mouth full of brownish teeth is a matter of national concern .. there are cheap flights to Turkey where the best dentists in the world will give you gob full of pearly whites .. go for it Our Anne you deserve only the best.

My grandfather upon seeing a newspaper photo of the then Queen Mother remarked " All that feckin' money and has a mouth like a burned out fuse box" 

It seems the Churchill tribute act de Pfeffel Johnson was baffled or as he would say 'wah,wah, bamboozled' by the science during the Covid malarkey meetings with the boffins.What do we expect from Eton, Oxford, Bullingdon twats who could quote with ease endless waffle from some ancient Greek or Roman geezer as it relates to everything from dog turds to the Dulux paint chart not to mention giving assorted farmyard animals a good seeing to and still find time to attend vitally important  'fuck off you plebs' bevy and blowjob 'meetings' . Yet when it comes to understanding a graph or chart or something actually requiring anything more than a two minute attention span these arse wipes are fucked while having the brass necks to regard themselves as fit to govern. Still, at least this inquiry is sure to sort it all out and of course ensure that lessons will be leaned , that it never happens again and it definitely won't have been a waste of time and money.

41 minutes ago, Decimus said:

From the party who were obsessed with "taking back control from unelected European bureaucrats" we now have one of the great offices of state being filled by an unelected bureaucrat.

Not only that, he gets a nice lordship out of it to make it all nice and official.

To quote our dear antipodean doctor, they're laughing at you.

So the Braverman Obergruppenführer in waiting  has had her bony arse kicked into touch . It gets even better with the added bonus of the odious slug Coffey receiving her Monday morning off you fuck letter . To top it off darling Lord Dave of Smug Cuntness is back in the game.

Let the back stabbing  vs arse licking fest begin ...  again

1 hour ago, ChildeHarold said:

Postponing the inevitable. Will he last until a 2024 Autumn/November election? Another year of this fucked up shit government? 

They'll tolerate him until the second coming of de Pfeffel Johnson when all their wildest and wettest of dreams are fulfilled . Speaking of wank banks my guilty pleasure is still the Mordaunt woman.

Flipside .. Over 60's 
All these darkies and queers  .. it's not right is it 
Mental health .. what's that supposed to be
Jim Davidson .. now he's as funny as fuck
The BBC .. perve central more like
90 quid for a pair of trainers .. the world's gone mad
 

On 28/07/2023 at 11:54, Penny Farthing said:

TBH he/she/their does have a point, there are a fair number of people who have done nothing useful in life but live off the success of their parents or grandparents .. Pris Hilton is a good example of this and the same is true of some of The Beatles offspring.

HRH .. insert name here