Cap'n Cunt

I reckon Roger Bannister could outrun the black knight if they were both wearing brogues. Apart from him being dead, obviously.

14 minutes ago, Logan Paul said:

I made my name to educate and point you in the direction of these rejected 

Is English your second language, or are you just a spazzy?

4 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Fuck Higgins the chubby balding scots cunt, he got caught on the take otherwise he'd still be throwing matches. I watched the Rack Pack the other night and apparently Alex Higgins was an even bigger cunt than portrayed on the small screen.

You should buy a bigger telly.

4 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I sense some real hostility to my fellow cyclists and no @Manky as a wing man to gun you cunts down. I think chainsawing all cyclists is slightly harsh and on my bike commutes I certainly don't take risks with the half pissed, inbred van driving cunts I may encounter in my rural backwater. Some urban ninjas do need to be crushed under a bus however, and I've seen the youtube videos but of course there are just as many twatish drivers out there.

But I digress from the poor cunt in Durban sliced and diced for reasons unknown. Perhaps they were going to eat him?

I rather suspect that they were after his bike to fashion it into some kind of wheeled idol that they could worship to bring fertility to the fields or something. There's something inherently wrong with people who live south of Weymouth - did you read about those fucking Indonesians that stabbed a Sumatran tiger (one of only about 400 left in existance) to death because they thought it was a shape-shifter? Fucking savages.

I think it's a fucking good idea chainsawing the legs off cyclists - spandex-clad self-important cunts with their pathetic headcams and some misplaced idea that highway code doesn't apply to them. Does anyone have any blueprints for mounting swivelling chainsaws on the side of a Ford Focus? 

I am the affluent of humanity, and I'm considerably richer than yow.

https://youtu.be/4IHcn-xKiA4

5 hours ago, Neil said:

Now that he's had his prostate removed does that mean his boyfriend can get another 2" deeper?

If he'd had his cunt removed, there'd be nothing left of him.

What if Grace Jones re-released Slave To The Rythm, then?

If it wasn't for the likes of Edward Colston cunts like this would still be living in mud huts on the Ivory Coast. I'd suggest it might be a good idea for him to  shut the fuck up, or perhaps try out his anti-establishment money-making scams in the lands of his ancestral forefathers. I understand they're way less tolerant of this kind of thing.

2 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Alaska is quality. Aside from the spectacular scenery, hunting , climbing , if you look closely at the sea, screw up your eyes in a downsy, imbecilic fashion.... do you know what you can see?

Is it the curvature of the earth?

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Was he sucked off the wing? You know, into the engine thingy?

I already told you Tom Daley wasn't involved. So no, he wasn't sucked off.

22 minutes ago, Eddie said:

What happened to the BA engineer yesterday at Heathrow?

I'm pretty sure Tom Daley wasn't involved but by all accounts the bloke was pretty fucked.

Two fucking poofs having an arsebaby. Nothing to see here, move along.

I've invited a dozen strangers round for a bukkake evening. 10 quid a head. The missus gets a nice 'meal' and I get 120 quid to spend on gentleman's grooming products. Win:win. 

6 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Burgers, the Big Mac in particular, really are a chav delicacy.  We only partake in warm weather, where real meat can be flame grilled, properly.  When the corporate cunts decided they would no longer cook their chips/"fries" in beef tallow, that was the last bloody straw.  One must have principles, and accepting such a travesty was simply not an option.  

'beef tallow'? You mean lard. Posh cunt.

2 hours ago, Albert Ross said:

The Victorians practised anal sex as a means of contraception, but sometimes the jizz seeped out and found its way to the womb and hey presto pregnancy. That's how the term "backward child" originated.

Ah, that's how you happened.

3 hours ago, Lady Penelope said:

Bluecrest tell me that they are disappointed that I did not attend either of their recent (unsolicited) medical exams at a local hotel and are now willing to offer me a third chance at a discounted price.

I'll stick a teaspoon up your fanny for a tenner. Not one of my teaspoons though. Bring your own.

2 hours ago, Rick_B said:

He's alright, his distinctive sound is very much part of U2. I'm not sure he qualifies as "guitar genius" though. I've never tried a  Bond Electraglide, but here's a clip of a "Great Female Guitarist" playing one. She's OK, but I'm not sure about great. What I do know is that it's a guitar sound I would never ever want to use.

I'm cynical about carbon fibre/plastic/metal alloy etc guitars. I played with a bass player who used a Vigier carbon fibre bass. Now it was an extremely well made instrument, as it should have been for the price, but it had very little depth, it just sort of went donk donk donk. I hated the sound of the bloody thing.

Fuck me, I thought mine sounded bad, but this is way worse. Is it plugged into a Dansette record player?

Top nomination. I bought a Bond Electraglide 'as used extensively by The Edge on The Joshua Tree' and it's fucking rubbish. My only hope is that one day he might manage to stick his guitar neck right up Bonio's arse in some bizarre stage accident. 

17 hours ago, Wolfie said:

Do you mean the batwings which sprout from the sides of your briefs?

Or bingo wings.

22 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Other width swimming children of differing nationalities/ethnic origin are also available 

 

Are you taking orders? I'm after a Nordic one. Preferably one that can manage a length. 

I'll get me didgeridoo 

I always thought Captain Scarlet was on the spectrum.

I'll get me mysteron.

8 hours ago, Lady Penelope said:

Leaderboards are for the feeble minded and those who won't join me for coffee and cake at Cerne Abbas

You only go there to gaze longingly at the giant's cock hewn into the chalky hill.

2 hours ago, r-soles said:

I quite liked the 'slitty eyed' bint in You Only Live Twice (see, I ain't racist)

Oh, and that 'stacked' redhead in Diamonds Are Forever.

Wint & Kidd are shirt-lifting cunts.

Fuck off

And they had proper tits in them days, too. Made out of girlflesh.