Penny Farthing

Have you ever piloted anyone up Shap or the Lickey?

I am not a violent person .. I usually go and thank them for spreading their germs .. I often do similar to people who talk loudly on their mobile phones and thank them for the vairious number that they have quoted throughout the call.

I hope that you don't mind me asking but .. but what time do you land?

I can cross my legs without discomfort if that is any help.

What are your thoughts on those who have nose bleeds when they cough or, even worse cough blood up.

Good morning BG. I hope you don't mind if I say the following words leaving others to add the extra words? I WONDER HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE SOMEONE SAY'S "WHO THE **** *** ***?".

I have decided to pitch for Andrea Leadsom.

TIMber!

Not this year .. also there will be a seven day extension to Ramadan.

Yes

I didn't but I do know now.

I don't like it Frank .. indeed I knew nothing about it until the Boremaster Decs mentioned it.

What is really bewildering is the importance that you attach to me. Whizz, I am neither grand nor important, you surely must have better things to do with your life than to worry yourself or make the effort of theorising about me or indeed anyone else on here. The same applies to Decimus and the rest of the furious five .. I am not important, stop traumatising yourselves about me and please try to grow at least one pair between you.

So today (so the media tell us) is the day that Theresa May will announce the date of her departure. A time to celebrate? I am not so sure. Which cunt will replace her and what kind of fuck up will they make of a process that should have taken place two months ago? By now at worst we would be negotiating new trade deals, but instead .. what a fuck up! .. The end of May looks to be the 7th of June.

I have had to jump under trains a few times Judge .. me and the big tough driver once had to remove a dynamo from underneath a coach at Lichfield using my ticket nippers as pliers. One small point Judge .. a lot of people spend time around trains, they use them every day to go to work. I have been on four trains this week ..

OggyOggy in Plymouthwould be more Ape's style as they do beans on toast.

I owe you a like for this.

So why have you never tried it?

This shit is everywhere .. you go in a station buffet and there is a queue a mile long because all these puffs and fairies want a mocha or a latte on top with chocolate on top. Worse still some of the cunts are as old as me. I order a black coffee .. "Americano?" Is the reply followed by "do you want milk in it?". NO I FUCKING JUST ORDERED A FUCKING BLACK FUCKING COFFEE! The other trick they have up their sleeve is this filter coffee slop.

You need a new scriptwriter Decco.

Penis envy can be cruel Doc.

Neither are you.

Its not part of my plan Eric, as you must have realised my plan is for world domination and I need a low profile for that.

Thi is not part of my plan Baws .. I did not even know until Dulilmus blasted it out on the airwaves

BAWs how the fuck did this happen?