Me neighbours are cunts - they appear to have purchased a fart machine from Amazon.

[Guest]

I spied me POSTIE taking an Amazon parcel to me next door neighbours - who I hate even more than they hate me. Since noon, I’ve heard giant farting sounds - some louder than others, but they have been none stop.

 

They are in their 60s - I might have to go up for sale.  

[Guest]

Product Description

The funniest gag product ever produced just got better! We proudly present the new Remote Controlled Fart Machine Number two (pun intended). Armed with this new and improved device you can embarrass you victims whenever the mood strikes you with:•More and better fart sounds •Increased Operating Distance •New patent pending Boom Box Technology •15 Louder Sounds •Works up to 100 Feet away •Blows the Original Fart Machine Away •Caution You May Die Laughing •Requires one 9 volt battery (not included) Use it anywhere, at parties, school, movies, office, or anywhere where you want to have some fun!

 

Box Contains

1 x Radio Controlled Fart Machine No 2

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

The answer, my friend is blowing in the wind.

[Guest]

Perhaps she has bought a very large dildo and the noise might be fannie farts as the crescendo builds up. Anyway you're a nosy old bastard spying on your neighbours.

Noo, they had the quadcopter I previously posted about on the corner - I don't spy, I was in me rear garden when a ricochet of farts invaded me peace of mind.

[Guest KuntaCunty]

My guess is, they had a large delivery of tinned beans and are farting for real, trying to kill you!  In which case, I'd be happy to bring another delivery to fight the good fight!  Fuck off, Prof! 

[Guest cuntcrapper]

I reckon they're mounting a campaign to blow you out Prof! Hang in there...

[Guest Lady Penelope]

Harsh.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

Better out than in, as my old grandad used to say.