KingRollo

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Why not invite Dawn Chorus over for a mug of your finest ale and squash what must surely be a simple misunderstanding? 

Hi GG.

Good question (actually, it's pretty des ordeurs, but anyway...)

Firstly, here in the Kingdom, we are socially distancing.  The mandated social distance for Pen is about 15 miles, or the distance from which the smell is no longer detectable, whichever is the further.

Secondly, in her case, I wouldn't waste my time with ale... some formaldehyde peut-être, or perhaps some of Stubb's sodium hypochlorite.

I hope that answers your question?

5 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

I sincerely hope that you are not on the register of electors.

Hoping you'll pop up on a mortuary register...

10 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Your fixation with a children's tv show is creepy and worrying, I strongly expect you to be on a register someplace, and fuck off again.

Don't worry Eddie.  It'll all be fine.  We'll look after you...

4 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Don't forget to kill yourself on the way out.

Don't speak to me. You stink.

36 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

When's your next extended leave of absence due? Make it permanent next time. This is a music thread, save your nonsensical bollocks for the open corner.

Fuck off as well.

Now then Stubbs, there's no need for that attitude. As for my presence or absence, I am like Will-o'-the-wisp - sometimes you see me, sometimes you don't.  Almost ephemeral, one might say.  And I apologise for muddying the waters of this oh-so-fine music appreciation thread but, you see, young @Eric Cuntman was about to unleash the unholy plague that is Frank on my beloved kingdom. And I couldn't risk that. Not even for you!  

4 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Fuck off.

'Sup Eddie? I wasn't talking about you! You can bandy about in your jester outfit here all you like!

On 13/07/2020 at 16:06, Eric Cuntman said:

Do a video or fuck off. Harold's here now, so you've been usurped from your role as whipping boy. @KingRollo may allow you to be his fool.

You have to be joking! I am already trying to manage King Frank and his friend Boris in the midst of a Corona pandemic.  The last thing I need is some venereally riddled jester bandying about the castle, giving half the "downstairs crew" Hi Fives!  Wizard would never stand for it. 

1 hour ago, Wolfie said:

Thanks for the bubonic plague heads-up, KR. The nom however would've carried more credit had you not decided to authenticate it with a link from The fucking Sun.

Yes, I must admit, that wasn't my finest moment. Constructive criticism always welcome, thank you Wolfie.

9 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Don’t mind? If truth be told, I thoroughly embrace the admittedly unusual aroma of the fragrant one who must be obeyed. Mere mortals couldn’t possibly be expected to understand that, but as a fellow toff you know that us Royals do have much more finely honed tastes than the peasant classes, filthy uncultured beasts that they are.

KB👑

The piquancy is certainly a refined taste, only for the more sophisticated olfactory pallet.  I am sure the Queen's pungency is the envy of your realm among the higher ranking classes.

KR

6 minutes ago, King Billy said:

The holy grail. Monty Python when they were still funny. 

I remember when The Life of Brian was first released there were hundreds of placard waving loons outside the local cinema protesting about the blasphemy of the film. It was like the Father Ted scene which it was probably based on. Mind you I am talking N. Ireland where they do tend to take religion a bit too seriously. My great great great great Grandad Henry Tudor wouldn’t have stood for such revolt. I miss him terribly. I  have the remains of the leg of lamb he ate at his very last banquet. Still tastes good. I quite often have a sneaky gnaw at it when Queen Billy disappears for her afternoon clearout before Tipping Point comes on the telly. I’m truly blessed to have such a classy queen.

Not just NI. The Swan in High Wycombe was showing the Rocky Horror last year - there was some nutter from the local church handing out leaflets telling all and sundry they were going to hell.  My personal favourite though were the Mormons outside the Prince of Wales Theatre after performances of "The Book of Mormon" ... I actually thought they were cast members...

Your queen is all class, and you are indeed fortunate to have her.  Surely the lamb's a bit ripe by now though? Though, of course, if the rumours about her Maj's personal hygiene are to be believed, perhaps you don't mind that sort of thing?  

KR

4 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

One that involved shoving things where things have no business being shoved... 

GG is an aspidistra, solemn, couth and wise,

But as a little seedling, he really was the pits,

He went to school, he played the fool, telling tales and lies,

And asked the grumpy caretaker about his love of tits.

The caretaker, of stumpy hand, cared not for GG's jests

And dragged him to the headmaster, for a lesson to be learned

Complained, "This bloody idiot's been asking about breasts".

The headmaster sent Aitken out, and then to GG turned.

"So you want to know about tits, milad, you never are too young

To appreciate the world of baps, the soft, the firm, the large

But Aitken's not the chap to ask, he's kind of highly strung

Since the incident with the shears where he lost his appendage".

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

His ticket. 

Do you suppose he lost his ticket in the same freak event which robbed him of his digit?  What sort of an accident would that be?

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Rollo, you would have liked Mr Aitken. You, with your square beard and crown, and him with his finger stub and frown. 

With his mop and bucket

Cleaning up the loo

Sawdust at the ready

To solidify the spew

He had a missing finger

And maybe other bits 

Which maybe could explain

His ambivalence to tits! 

Which bits do you postulate to have been missing?

On 09/03/2018 at 09:07, Gronda Gronda said:

I think the discussion should move back towards misunderstandings and/or school caretakers.

Rona Tutt says the majority of parents are supportive

Headteacher Rona Tutt is very grateful to have a young, physically-strong, male caretaker at her school.

 

I bet she is!

9 hours ago, King Billy said:

“BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!.”

"Here's one..."

"Ninepence"

"But I'm not dead!"

1 hour ago, ChildeHarold said:

Clearly a refugee from Rose Tremain's Restoration - now Chancellor of East Anglia University (Didn't she do well?) The only decent film Robert Downey Jnr. did before he went all iron and drug free spastic.

He made a passable Sherlock.

Sound the alarm. Bar up the castle windows, lock the gates, lower the portcullis and raise the drawbridge.  Whisperings from the Orient tell tales of a fearful plague about to be unleashed on a Covid-weakened kingdom.  "King Rollo!" they cry, "how will we keep our groins and armpits fresh and buboe free?"  

"Use a deoderant and wear this!":

Oh, and wash your hands.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12046616/china-issues-epidemic-warning-bubonic-plague/

On 03/07/2020 at 21:36, ChildeHarold said:

Russell Group you tart. I fucking instantly aged you. Polytechnic/Uni shithole of East London, Stratford Campus. Handy for a lunchtime bit of lifting in Westfields eh? 

21 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

Thus spake the voice of East London Uni/ Polytechnic/ F. E. College out of Stratford Campus (handy for a bit of lunchtime nicking at Westfields) blah blah nearing maturity. 

Fuck off. 

1 hour ago, ChildeHarold said:

Is it cos I'm black. Black Mercedes. Black windows. How does a 26 year old graduate of the FE College of East London, Stratford Campus, conveniently located for lunchtime nicking at Westfields, get a 60k motor? For the love of sport. Fuck me. I cleared 5'6" in the high jump at school and all I got was verbal abuse. Racially motivated - obviously. 

Is Westfields related theft a pastime you are especially fond of?  Perhaps you could "aquire" some DVDs and pass them to Punkers to help boost his sales...

20 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I avoided that psychological gin-trap. She was wonderful. I was magnificent. I left her on a black silk sheet, soaking wet, breathless and sheened in sweat.

Sounds like a remake of the Milk Tray ad...

10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

His choice of pig was considerably more attractive than Corbyns'.

On topic... I had a wank over Ghislaine Maxwell. 

I've polished the sceptre once or twice with her in mind... not particularly satisfying though - everytime I was about to spill the Brasso, inexplicable images of Prince Andrew sprang to mind. Literally put me off my stroke and my plums are now like grapefruit...

4 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Yes

I salute you.

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

What do Captain Pugwash and Jeremy Corbyn have in common?....

 

 

 

They've both climbed aboard the 'Black Pig'.

David Cameron also had a thing for pigs...

5 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I was lead to believe a pugwash was what sailors did post buggery to empty their arseholes of vile spunk. 

Wow. When you said you were in the military, was it the Navy by any chance...?

10 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

That leaves the sailor on pugwash duty. 

 

Pugwash is a most disreputable chap. Best avoided.

30 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I bet you wish you had a magic torch.

Yeah, shame I'm not friends with Jamie any more...