KingRollo

7 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Or rubbing linseed oil into a cormorant.

Or poking a peacock, or stabbing a swan...

5 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Merci Beaucoup Mon Ami.

Do you think strangling a goose is as satisfying as choking a chicken?

11 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Off with his head.

I'll fetch the guillotine!

35 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Vous ete bete.

Je suis d'accord!

4 minutes ago, King Billy said:

One must keep ones sceptre suitably polished your majesty. I have a young negro wench take care of mine twice daily. 

It is certainly hard work when the sceptre is enormous (I've heard the rumours...)

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

If Queen Gwen is going, I'm going to secrete some 'bodice scissors' in my minstrel costume. The majestic minx.

She'd enjoy that, I am sure.  Just mind you don't give her anything!

5 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

He's only been back 4 days, and 26 posts in, he is getting right on my tits. 

Queen Gwen was muttering something about getting on her tits the other night.  I wasn't listening and completely misunderstood her.  Let's just say the evening didn't end well, and as I sat on my throne, black eyed, polishing the royal sceptre, I wondered whether the thrills and spills of our relationship are truly worth it.

20 minutes ago, King Billy said:

We’re having a Black Lives Matter  Banquet Tuesday evening if you and Her Majesty would honour us with your presence. Jerk pheasant, Organic wild rice (from the palace allotment)and peas, and Red White and Blue Stripe lager on tap. I’ve been sorting through one of my many treasure chests and have found a number of crowns which I no longer require and you are welcome to any which you and her majesty would like to have. On another note, I’ve been receiving some rather worrying calls from the FBI and those dreadful BBC people asking questions about my eldest boy and his friend Andrew. We’ve invited some black people to attend on Tuesday and show us some films of the marvellous street party and bonfire at Brixton last week. Apparently the police and the indigenous negroes have been entertaining the locals with an open air dance show and pyrotechnic display. I do hope the corgis don’t play up as they’ve never actually seen a negro before.  

We await your reply. KB and Mrs. KB.

Goodness, what an honour.  Queen Gwen and I would be most delighted.  I have heard about your son's friend, Andrew.  Sounds like a rather tiresome, useless and frankly unsavoury character.  In many respects, he might fit the bill for this forum but I understand that he and his like are not welcome. Rightly so. 

The food sounds deliciously exotic, quite a change from the geese that I have obtained from some pretend French OAP whose skills in using translation apps surpass only his skills in speaking nonsense - in English, of course. (He doesn't know, so I'd thank you for your discretion, but in any case his geese seem almost happy to be put out of their misery as Cook dispatches them and for some reason, they have an unpleasant, gamey flavour).

As for the crowns, I'll gratefully accept - I won't deny the Court has fallen on hard times ever since our most valued assets - a pair of statues of the city founders - were dragged across the pleasure beach and off the pier, all because some chaps' great grandparents were apparently underpaid when building the palace.  Not only are we down a tonne of gold, the helter-skelter got damaged and the mini canoes are completely out of use.

With sincere devotion,

KR & QG

3 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Don't rise to his jibes. He is no more than a fart in a colander.

You have some truly strange habits, Scrotie.

41 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Reported for pedalo inferences.

Guilty as charged, milord.

3 hours ago, Eddie said:

Fucking fuck the fuck off, fucking wanker.

The word just loses impact with each repitition.  Your "cutting" remarks would be a good deal improved without all the profanity. E.g. Begone you contemptuous fool!  See how easy that was?

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

In your kingdom, are people entitled to a fair trial or are you the judge, prosecutor and key witness? 

I do not dirty my hands with such sordid business. You'd have to ask Wizard...

8 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Give it a fucking rest with the kingdom and dungeon shit. You're not Richard Harris in Camelot. 

Watch your lip, young Gyps... there's plenty of space for the likes of you in the dungeons...

8 hours ago, King Billy said:

May I take this opportunity to welcome you back to the corner Your Highness. As a fellow Royal I would be delighted to PM you the details of the supplier of my magnificent and universally  admired crowning glory. In fact I could send someone over to your palace this very evening with one which I no longer require. Alas it’s much too large for me due to a measuring error by a young man who unfortunately had to pay the ultimate price for his incompetence. If you need to have it enlarged I would be delighted to arrange that for you. (Within reason).

Your faithful superior

KING BILLY

Regal, magestic and magnanimous.  I have much to learn from you.  

Your humble servant,

KING ROLLO

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Chuck D has occasionally used swearing in his lyrics to make his political points.

Surely you wouldn't claim that he had been guilty of being lazy when conveying his emotions? 

I'm afraid Mr D is beneath my royal notice.

@King Billy I must confess to feeling slightly jealous of your crown ... where did you get it please?

38 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Perhaps he should fuck off to Lighthearted Fun Corner, then?

Oooooh, I've heard of that place - doesn't it have all those rollercoasters and pedaloes?  

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Can you suggest an alternative way for Eddie to express his thoughts free of grammatical errors? 

The errors are not in the grammar, just the poor lexical choices and the frankly limited sentence construction.  I recommend a brief study of synonyms and a temporary abstinence from swearing ... it's a lazy way to convey emotion...

25 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Fuck off you stupid fucking wanker 

Now, Edward, two words with the same root in a single clause sentence is a poor effort - the palace professor would probably state that a little development in vocabulary would do no harm ... or at least a thesaurus?

On 25/05/2019 at 20:14, Guest Pussy Galore said:

Dear Ape (are you hairy? mmm if you are) Im not a spastic as it happens - and Im not Rollo either. God give me strength why cant folk take me at face value. Im a newbie!!

He's right you know, he was no monarch...

4 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

What gets me with all this beach idiocy is that it isn’t just groups of young lads and lasses, fucking around and getting pissed, it’s parents, with children. And these children will have grandparents, potentially in a vulnerable age / health group. It’s staggeringly selfish that these cunts risk the lives of others just because they can’t possibly enjoy the sunny weather in their own locality and feel the irresistible urge to travel to the fucking seaside. 

We've put a stop to this in the Kingdom - the dungeons are heaving hotbeds of infection transmission but, as Cook says, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!

4 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said:

Who the fuck are you ?

Don't be silly.

46 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Just spoke to my friend who lives in Boscombe, just up from Bournemouth. She took the dog for a walk along the seafront at 6 yesterday and she reckons Covid's gonna have a field day judging by the amount of fat cunts that were lolloping about on the beach. We're not talking slightly overweight but real fucking lard arses. Add that to the thousands of scousers jumping up and down outside Anfield last night and the grim reaper will be sharpening his scythe and no mistake.

Time to dust off that old '80s public health campaign: "Don't die of ignorance"? Gave me nightmares... poor Queen Gwen went hungry for a  year...

5 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Yes, I’m familiar with the working of air conditioning systems - it’s what knowledge the goose-botherer has that intrigues me, as I strongly believe him to be a thick-as-pigshit French wanker.

He's about as French as Google Translate...

15 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Rollo you splendid fellow - good to see you back! A beacon of hope in a sea of fucking idiots. How’s wizard? Send him my regards!

Hello Ape, it's been too long.  Very pleased to reaquaint myself with you excellent chaps (well, you and a couple of others to be quite honest...) Thank you for your splendid greeting.  Wizard is currently trying to work out a strategy with a rather hopeless sort of chap called Boris, to sort out COVID in the  Kingdom... It's not going too well, privately, Wizard has told me that Boris is a bit of a 'ducon' if you'll pardon my French!