KingRollo

5 hours ago, Roadkill said:

Good heavens, Rollo. This is the most savage I've ever seen you been - has Cook been making you clean your room during the lockdown?

It’s worse than that, I’m afraid. I lost my trousers in a bet with King Frank. Now Wizard keeps laughing at my legs and Queen Gwen called me a ‘knock kneed knave’.

On 05/02/2021 at 10:46, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

You make that statement and then have the nerve to ask me that. You sick fucker, stay in France you are not wanted back here. Weirdo.

He’s not in France. Closest he’s ever got to becoming an expat was lunch in 2014 at Cafe Rouge. His ‘French’ is lamentable, his claims of conquest with French women are laughable and his obsession with geese is utterly cretinous. Other than that...

13 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

There's none better qualified than you to comment on such a subject, Rollo.

Oh there’s a few here who could give me a run for my money on that score, Wolfie.  Tell me, what are you qualified to comment on? The site minnows? Mrs Roops? Telling anyone who disagrees with you to delete their account? Must be fun!

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

She looked her best as Kryten's creator in the Red Dwarf episode 'Psirens'. Would have been early forties.

I think Sister Julienne has a certain ‘je ne said quoi’...

Just now, Gronda Gronda said:

Do you respect Rolf Harris' talent? 

As what? A hack artist? A predatory pervert? Or just an unfunny weirdo? Either way, no.

That said, Wizard found an EBay listing for that portrait of the queen (the real one). Seller was someone calling themselves ‘Phil the Greek’. I ordered him to log out of PayPal and stop ‘watching’ but you never know... If I take a stroll round the castle and find it hanging in some secret chamber, I’ll snap his wand.

1 hour ago, Weary&Disgusted said:

Does Scooby Doo wear clothes then ?  I suppose he's got that dog collar.  

I’ve met Scoob a few times in the artists studio... behind the scenes he’s a real queen... would give Jessica Rabbit a run for her money...

2 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Have you asked Camilla if she’s OK with this KR?

Oh Camilla... I’d never pimp her out, the ravishing goddess...

Just now, King Billy said:

Pardon? I missed you the first five times.

Sorry, Bill. Too much mead...

On 04/02/2021 at 13:08, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Weak cunts...

They are found everywhere these days and although the list is endless I shall highlight some that annoy me the most.

Men who get married and even more so the ones who get married more than once are total bellends. The type of cunts who proudly say 'She's the boss' and 'I do as I'm told' it's not funny you cunts and all it does is confirm you are a weak, scared to be on your own cunt. They then wank themselves to death because the wife stopped having sex after getting married, yet they are too weak to do the right thing and leave the cow, even though she's turned into a fat, moaning cunt who is never satisfied.

Are you feeling lonely? I know a lovely lady, admittedly plump of thigh, but an excellent cook who would be appropriately subservient and doesn’t mind misogynists... I’d be happy to arrange an introduction for a modest fee (the castle vaults are a little depleted...)

Just now, Gronda Gronda said:

Well, King Frank told me they're all from Primark... 

His are, he’s a pound shop monarch.

Just now, Gronda Gronda said:

Hello KR, 

Why are your legs so skinny? Poliomyelitis? 

Also, where do you get your trousers from? 

The cartoonist was short of ink.

Trousers are tailor made, silly.

12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

The man who pretended to be gay when he realised that there's no future in the entertainment industry for straight white men.

I despise him from the bottom of my heart and hope he dies of bad lergy. 

Queen Gwen had a poster of him on the north wall in her boudoir. Poor girl was heartbroken when he started snapping his fingers to the left.

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Evening Rollo. I hope everything is doogy rev.

Frolicksome and Bollicksome, thank you my dear chap. How’s life?

On 15/02/2021 at 21:05, Frank said:

I still don't know who you are. 

He’s an aspidistra; the mighty Rangdo of Arg. If you’d care to learn more, an educational DVD is available: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B06XFHTCVB/ref=cm_cr_srp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

7 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Bon jooor vultraltess, commot alley voo? Tu nooz eh-monkeh! 

Mercy buckets. Too maz monkeh aussey!

On 10/02/2021 at 18:36, Witheredscrote said:

French Lessons. 50€ per hour.  17 Rue du Coq, Saint Remy.  (Bottom bell), ask for Monique.

Google Translate lessons. £30 per hour. Castle Rollo, ask for Wizard.

Much cheaper, identical education and no waiting in Brexit queues or quarantine!

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Queen Gwen! 

That explains a lot, GG.

10 hours ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Punkers and JSP both live in the same flat in Whitechapel.  Tower Hamlets had been good to them before the kung flu; their knock-off dvd stall had modest success: "Two for a paaahnd, ladies n gents!"

These days, their income is probably supplemented through sordid PPV acts performed on the dark web via their webcam...

They probably have quite a nice view of their neighbourhood holding hands on their balcony, 100 feet up.

Do you really think a pair of squat-dwelling vagabonds can afford sufficient bandwidth for this, GG?  I bet it takes them half a day to load up the CC page just to write their nonsense; I imagine they have to limit themselves to good old fashioned voyeurism and pimping each other out for thrills / supplementary income ...

On 22/08/2020 at 02:38, Gronda Gronda said:

What’s a ghost's favourite food? 

 

 

 

 

Spookghetti. 

That classic won the Arg funny-plant contest for several years in a row! It won again this year. The runner-up joke was this:

Ever notice how noses run and feet smell? 

Why did the pony have to gargle?

Because it was a little hoarse!

(Or some predictable Punkape comment...)

Your Arg funny-plant contest needs a new judge.  Which idiot pronounced that joke the winner?

On 20/08/2020 at 21:31, Gronda Gronda said:

Perhaps something like this:

Q) What is a frog's favourite drink? 

 

 

A) Croakacola

 

That sounds like a joke from one of Wizard's Christmas Crackers.  Have you been on the sherry, GG?

12 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

The problems with new technologies is that the inventors don't often see its long term impacts. The blame doesn't souley lay at those companies feet though. Technology is fluid and to forsee every detrimental effect isn't plausible. 

I agree completely regarding the music industry though. When the medium for music was vinyl it wasn't easily copied, and produced a healthy profit for both musician and label. However today you can download almost anything for free. I have a friend who produces music for digital download, and receives 50p per download. Now that doesn't effect the established stars so much, but anyone trying to pursue music as a soul career is gonna struggle. 

Add that to the fact that in the current situation, musicians (and other performers) are not getting much, if any help at the moment, and for whatever stupid reason, it's considered ok for people to be rammed together in pubs, aeroplanes, and shortly schools, but not theatres...  

6 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

It's not that on line or "digital" is in any sense "superior" to real life tangible retail or any other form of human experience or affairs - it just facilitates a race to the bottom in all aspects of human life based on the lowest price (highest profit) and operating costs. There are a few restricted instabces where information technology results in a greatky improved end product and/or service to people, but these are few and far between. Just to take one example of what has happened in other areas, the impact of digital upon the music industry has been devastating and virtually wiped out the recotding industry with absolutely NO improvement or contribution to live music making. There are also considerations of the way the smartphone in particular has crept into human behaviour like a drug addiction and created, along with public cctv (all done on the cheap via digital technology) a surveillance society. 

I have just entered some parallel universe where not only does your post make sense, but I find myself agreeing!  I need a lie down...

11 hours ago, Major Cunt said:

You did, Rolly. I was under the impression that Kings were well travelled, and attended ceremonies in different fantasy lands. I'm. Still waiting for the tale of visiting Mr Ben. 

Mr Ben and I are not friends, Major.  It all stems from last year's hunting season. I wanted to organise a wolf-hunt because they're easy to catch, being such stupid creatures (they take the bait every time and fall into traps that a blindman could navigate.  They also put up a good fight when in their pack but start crying when cornered).  Mr Ben, however, insisted on wasting the season away by dressing up and playing shops, and for some unfathomable reason, the silly arse roped me into it.  Suffice to say no wolves were harmed that year.

31 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Isn't it time you regaled us with another story of castle antics you one trick pony titend?

I'd love nothing more, Stubbs, but I promised @Major Cunt I'd pack it in for a little while until I'd posted some non-Castle based stuff.  Have to honour a promise, wot! 

11 hours ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Same pattern.  You take a swing at Roops (and this time Rollo too), miss, get blasted on your glass jaw, and then have a hissy fit at someone else once the swelling has gone down.

Precious petal sounds about right.  Go and listen to some Enya or watch Bob Ross paint a mountain on YT.

I remember Bob Ross GG, I used to think that was real art. Then I grew up!