scotty

This is before your time luke, but if Punkape was here he'd be telling you what a good thing that was.

I approve of your reversion to feminine stereotype, gypps. Now stop farting around on here and get back to the kitchen, those dishes won't wash themselves.

Quite. As the judge pointed out, it's the stale old argument that "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear ". And that argument is indefensible imho.

Robin Cooks sudden unexpected death was also quite convenient for blair and campbell.

Indeed, gong. The idiots also applauded the McCarthy communist witch hunts. And how long did it take them to get wise to that corrupt pervert J Edgar Hoover?

That list of sexual conquests has my mouth watering, vodds, I bet the cunt fucked diana dors as well. Never mind his crystallised fucking spine, who gives a fuck about that, he's dead now.

Speak for yourself wizz, whenever my sister in law visits I usually need to have a wank. It does make things awkward at the dining table though.

Fair enough ding, but julia wasn't exactly council estate fodder, was she?

I'd have knobbed it. Why not? Every other fucker did. That said, when you saw what he had sitting at home, I never understood why will carling bothered.

So it's back to the rohypnol plan then. Thanks for the heads up.

What you need gong is a course of intensive alcohol training. I'd be happy to help out on the plan, otherwise known as "the lost weekend".

Because he couldn't afford the expensive stuff?

Just refer them to Dr T F Bundy, gypps. Then leave them to it.

I find the F5 key quite refreshing.

People often ask me how I got my fortune. Lottery win? Inheritance? Maybe a stock market killing? Nope. I just stand outside Anfield every Saturday selling black armbands.

I bet your missus gave you a bacon and sausage sarnie in gratitude, wizz. With extra bacon and sausage.

I had a premonition earlier that the Whinging Saudi Princes thread would get locked by an over enthusiastic moderator called rick something. How spooky is that, and on Halloween night as well?

He was a cunt as well. I've lost a fortune betting on his predictions, not a single win yet.

Just for once baws, will you get off the fucking fence.

One day snatch, you'll find yourself in Southampton for some reason, possibly on one of the cruise liners. And you'll wander out of the dock area gasping for a pint, spot the London and think "that looks a really good place for a bevvy." Then you'll remember my warning, and as a result you'll enjoy your trip with the Olsen Line more than you would have, because you'll be able to sit down during it.

If it happened to be in Southampton, it would probably be the London Hotel. And that's one piece of information I wish I'd never discovered.

Not true, manky. There's loads out there. Even from your own gruesome city, there is a wealth of comedy gold. But reeves and mortimer are about as amusing as the catshit I just trod in. That said, I wish Mr Mortimer a full and speedy recovery.

Harriet Harman is one of very few people I genuinely hate, even amongst politicians, and that's saying something. She is an absolute fucking cunt with no redeeming features that I can discern.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.