Cuntybaws

Bad head beats a good hand job any day. Or have I got the wrong of the end of the stick again here...?

Sam Fox is a cunt

Karl Urban is a cunt.

Keith, you mewling quim!

I don't know about you lot, but my mum doesn't follow me every time I go to fucking work! I mean, I know Andy's a bit of a needy cunt, but for fuck's sake!

Gone fission.

I can't for a minute imagine what a Bishop might get up to in Brighton to incur the wrath of a vengeful Old Testament God. At least the Muslims would have the good grace to stone the fucker if he was one of theirs.

This time of night is just the worse on TV.  I haven't even got a drink to make it look better.  Practicing for Stoptober.

I'm fucking wankered already - Mrs Baws has got the cheap M&S Cava out early tonight. Go on, you know you want to...!

NO NEED TO SHOUT!

Haaaa, now THAT is what you call a chick, and the kind that all of us would like to take home to show our parents, but surely 'Baws... it 'IS' Keith? Or at the very least it could be.

I was deliberately careful to avoid specifying a gender. It could quite easily be pre-op, or post-op, but it's not like Keith can afford to be fussy.

Perhaps all it needed was a swift kick in the bollocks...

...and then set him on fire. That shitty fucking beard of his would go up in flames faster than a petrol bombed mosque.

I was on 4chan recently trawling through the remnants of the fappening and I chanced upon the perfect partner for Keith. Phew, what a scorcher!

Or the Lexus RX450. I used to wonder why so many manufacturers couldn't even be arsed to come up with a name for these monstrosities - RX450, Q4, X3 etc - and then the fucking "Cayenne" came along and all was suddenly clear.

"Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five? Canyonero..... Canyonero."

As a general rule, politicians, lawyers and advertisers all have a good case for being considered the biggest cunts in the world (or the biggest arseholes, depending on your persuasion) but there must be a special circle of hell reserved for anyone associated with the production of adverts for local radio. Limp concepts, shit puns, shouty “actors”; and the same ones are repeated every 5 minutes for cunting months on fucking end. Surely the only purchasing decision anyone ever makes after hearing this shite is to buy from anywhere or anyone who isn't these fucking cunts! Next time I think I'll either drive drunk or sleep in a garden, Gypsy style, rather than risk a taxi home.

Fucking hell I just laughed so hard my teeth flew across the room! Thing is they aren't even false.
There's one for the Alfie Noakes Northern Dictionary, thesaurus and Almanac.

I'd love to take the credit for it, but it's from "Blade - Trinity". Shit film, brilliant line.

Hurts Mrs Grumpy as well as I had an Elephant trunk grafted to my cock when I lost most of it in an unfortunate accident trying to open a tin tan of spam.

"Surely you'd seen a man's cock before?"

"Yes, but this one was eating my popcorn!"

Ah, the old ones are the best...

Keith, you cockjuggling thundercunt!

So, let me get this right..... you're defending sicko sex perverts?  ALL MEN without exception are sick and twisted in the head when it comes to sexual preference and should DEFO be considered guilty until proven innocent (which could never happen 'cos they are guilty as fucking sin).  I wish a genocide on MEN!  Dirty rotten pervy useless bastards.

Whoa, steady on there love!

A significant part of the problem is, as Grumps points out, that “the Muslim community is outraged”. So too, no doubt, is the Twittersphere. When some cunt is subtitled on the news as a “Community Leader” you can be 99% certain the gobby yet inarticulate fucker speaks for no-one but themself.

 

The mother of a British teenager who is believed to have been killed in the US airstrikes in Syria has hit out at border officials for allowing him to leave the country.

Ibrahim Kamara, 19, is reported to have travelled to the Middle East earlier this year having stolen his 15-year-old brother's passport.

Sky News 12:30  25/10/2014

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You just couldn't write this stuff could you ......Compensation claim due anytime methinks.

 

The border officials who let them IN to this country in the first place are equally at fault.

Not as good as it used to be.

Now look what you've done, you cunt, you've made the Baby Jesus cry!

Jihadist beheadings and nonce priests garner so much more publicity, don't they?

They do on here, Jigs, too fucking true!

PS My quotes are working just fine. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

God is the unknown force that brings life to all living things. It doesnt need worshipping or offerings or anything like that. All that is required is we stop behaving like cunts.

Fuck me, we have a Jedi Knight in our midst! Beware the dark side, you must.

I have lived in my house for over 15 years during which time no religious group has 'come to my door' to 'convert' me...

 

Just who are the proseletyzers and zealots?

One of the many sub-points here, though, is that this is exactly what the believers of even the most mainstream religions are supposed to do. I would be the first to laugh in the face of any mad fuck Jehovah's Witness or Mormon who had the folly to show up at my front door, but at least they're practicing what they preach.

As Robert Heinlein wrote, “Stupid is stupid; faith doesn't make it smart.”

After "Agony In Pink" there was nowhere left to go.

Take them out Lewis you look a right cunt wearing them, and how the fuck do you get your crash helmet on.

Yes, it's not a good idea to put studs anywhere near your helmet! Prince Albert was a cunt.