Cuntybaws

You may or may not be able to lay it but that's only the start of the million hells you've let yourself in for.

 

Get the whole house done with this shit and it sounds like you've invited Buddy Rich, Charlie Watts and Bill Ward round for an impromptu jam session - FOR ALL FUCKING ETERNITY!

Sounds like the very bitter voice of experience speaking. Let me guess - it was Mrs Cock's idea?

Surely Blue's Clues is too much of an intellectual challenge for you, Keith - I'd have thought Dora The Explorer was more your type. So to speak...

This is a trap, right?

This isn't the furry four-legged quadruped I was expecting but what the fuck, all cats are grey in the dark.

Fuck prince harry. Its not about him

Indeed. For the avoidance of doubt I should state that I have the utmost respect and admiration for the bravery and sacrifice of our armed forces. Once enlisted, for whatever reason, the poor grunt fuckers don't get to choose whether to patrol hostile dirt tracks in vehicles which might as well be made out of papier-mâché, and it is entirely right and proper that the state that they served looks after them when it all goes pear shaped. (Or should that be pineapple shaped?) The Invictus Games can fuck off, though.

I hope the greasy Salmond cunt is watching Last Night Of The Proms. There's a definite subtext to Rule Britannia tonight – something along the lines of, “Fuck you, and your non-existent navy. Square go, cunt? Any time!”

I need a man.

Nothing else has worked so far,
So I’ll wish upon a star,
Wondrous sparkling speck of light,
I need a Jew...

It's claimed without the faintest hint of irony that this bathetic shite which is currently clogging up most of the BBC is the brainchild of Prince Harry. (Apparently copying something you saw on TV in America pretty much verbatim now constitutes original thought.)

I am not a fan of the Paralympics either, with its multitude of sub-categories, but at least the winner of one of those events is demonstrably the best one-legged, deaf, Down's syndrome tiddlywinks player on Earth. The only qualifications for Invictus are (1) to have been too stupid to get a job as anything other than cannon fodder, and (2) to have been among the poorest at that.

Forget wheelchair basketball, more practical events should really include “Ducking when you hear shooting” and “Not standing on suspicious half-buried metal objects”.

I wouldn't waste bullets on their arses, let alone gas. Tie them together and throw them in the river. Failing that, put them in a dogs home. Or Nottingham University Science Faculty.

The Philpott solution has more cons than pros, but no-one can deny that it is very effective in preventing repeat littering offences.

I think we can all learn a lesson from Kiss frontman and renowned psycho-therapist Gene Simmonds, when, in the wake of Robin Williams' suicide, he opined that those suffering from depression should kill themselves and that he was the guy who yells 'Jump!' when he sees someone on top of a building.

 

Way to go Gene!

Jump, you fucker, jump!

I'm aware of the situation; at first it looked like a faux punter registering simply to promote his own web site/blog/forum in which case I would have deleted his account. The jury is still out on this one........

Hey, anyone who takes the Patroller fuckwit off our hands, even for a little while, is all right by me. This loony trap might even be permanant - Bane's insane ramblings don't get deleted over there, and he can trot out his repetitive back catalogue for a whole new audience.

I just got back from a drive-by shooting on Dioclese's blog. You'll never guess what vapid fucking plankton is posting their ill-formed shite over there these days. Oh, all right, you will guess, it's easy. Yes, it's that dumbfuck Patroller. Wonder how long it'll be before Dioclese adopts a "delete on sight" policy?

The three wise men travelling over the border to stake a claim for the no vote. In reality three cunts who will produce a 98% yes just by appearing in person and talking bollocks.

Damned if they don't, though, it looks as if they don't give a fuck otherwise. They've got their own election to think about next year, which didn't matter when the vote looked more clear cut.

For the record, the stupid "You" referenced in my post was Andy, not Dioclese. I enjoy the blog, and the quote was intended ironically. Sorry, brevity is obviously not always the soul of wit.

Probably heard the fucker coming with his 'Youm be gooing dewn the beach' jive-ass accent and decided to do the world a favour

Yes, Dionne Warwick is a cunt!

Your tweet is rubbish.

It's not a "tweet", you spacktacular retard. If you want something ornithological, though, I'll be happy to do a blood eagle on you.

I see a lecturer in molecular biology at Liverpool John Moores reckons he has DNA evidence that proves once and for all that Jack The Ripper was an immigrant named Aaron Kosminski.

Fucking Polacks, coming over, here killing our prostitutes...!

I would dearly love the little cunt to take a swing at me, but I somehow doubt that Mrs Baws is his type.

I learned to drive in Basingstoke. I may not always have the best straight line technique but fuck me, I know everything there is to know about roundabouts.

I think these adverts are very realistic. None of the dentists are white, and they are all very, very smug. Rachel Riley is a cunt.

Fuck me, someone less British than Mo Farah?

We'll be paying 10,000 thistles, or whatever fucking currency we end up using, for a loaf!

At least it'll be a plain loaf, none of your namby pamby southern poof pan breid!

Meet Jodie Kidd...

The list includes Damascus, Homs, Fallujah and Gaza City. They're levelling them now in preparation...

For some reason, I thought that the Judge was small, but perfectly formed.

Apart from his big fat hairy arse of course. My own scientific research, founded on the quite excellent theoretical foundations laid by Mr Peacock, appears to indicate that the heft of the cleft is inversely proportional to the square of the air.

You didn't look hard enough KC - '&do=embed' frameborder='0' data-embedContent>>

Shame all the comments are gone, but probably best that the pictures didn't survive!