CCArchive

Elocution lessons used to be all the rage where people ironed out repulsive "regional" accents and learned how to speak the Queens English. Our language is mangled by "estuary" English in the Thames valley and by hayseed yokels in Anglia and the Fens. In the Midlands they talk down their nose like a load of constipated cunts. In the South West they all sound like pissed pirates. The Welsh talk unintelligible gibberish.The Liverpudlians do the same but make it sound uglier and stupider.The Geordies sound like adolescent cretins with permanent gormless expressions. The Yorkshire accent is disgustingly painful on the ear and should be eradicated along with certain Yorkshire cities.Sheffield for example. Anyone speaking with a Manchester accent should be shunned and ostracised .Ugliest of all is the Glaswegian accent which should be eradicated at all costs.It is the true abortion of speech and grates ear passages with mind boggling incoherent blather. Learn to speak English properly or shut the fuck up. I was privately educated.

This lot are cunts for their selfishness, idleness and destructiveness. I wouldn't be surprised to find they have DEFRA in their pockets. In fact let's nom DEFRA as cunts at the same time for not being in touch with majority opinion.

A couple of years ago my mate met Paul Weller. Up until that moment in time the most famous pair of cunts he'd met was the fucking Krankies!! As far as I'm aware it wasn't in a car park. He now trumps my particularly low value cards-Alan Kennedy and John Wark ( Escape To Victory fame). My dad met and had a drink with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton- unless the cunt was lying (my Dad, not Taylor or Burton-as far as I'm aware they never mentioned the incident). There is a child, alive right now, whose most famous person they've ever met will turn out to be Joey fucking Essex. I'd rather a child of mine did a fucking ouija board and introduced themselves to Cyril fucking Smith-naked.

They are cunts for not being able to see outside the box, and also in addition, for failing to take it on board or incentivise, but most of all for not having the intellect or individuality to talk in simple English such that the staff can actually understand what is expected of them. Bunch of low hanging fruit cunts most of them at the end of the day. Brainstorm, Kanban, 6-sigma, BULLSHIT kbxwiy9y

For fuck's sake, when I was a kid I was taught not to do this, and for once I took notice, and I don't do it. I hate it; it makes the exponent sound like a wet soggy partially-blocked cunt. And it makes me feel slightly sick. As an example, my dad, (the one who used to tell me not to do this thing), repeatedly waits until he has something to say, rams in two big forkloads, then starts a long rambling monologue, pausing only to put in more food. He's not senile, but he is utterly impervious to various fellow diners straight out asking him not to do this. Plus he can't be heard anyway... "tho, I wasth shgoingh thdown duh rhoad thwhen I thaw oldh wathhhname...(etc etc)". I hate it when anyone does this. It's especially nauseating when there's so much food in there they start gargling a bit. It's just rude and ugly and totally avoidable with a bit of thought. My dad's not a cunt but anyone talking through a gobful of lasagne is acting like one. Very nasty.

I was quite looking forward to helping him actually.

"I've a letter here from Minnie Waldergrave-Cunt, the Ladies President at the Belvoir club oop north....in Buckinghamshire. .ah dear dear Minnie. I remember playing another wonderful course near there....brackt ba tha burn as that great stalwart from Rosskilly golf course, Dougal McCunt would say...And over to Tiger, on the 12th..." LISTEN, ALLISS-YOU INFLATABLE YIP CUNT-NOCUNT GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE ASSORTED MINNIES AND DOUGALS YOU'VE FUCKING MET!! And that isn't Tiger at the 12th. Tiger is 6ft plus, with a set of fucking ivories which would shame the average elephant graveyard; and is black-you've succeeded in confusing the most famous sportsman in the world with John fucking Daley; white trailer trash, with a 50inch fucking waist and matching mullet. And he's not on the 12th; the rest of us are watching coverage of the cunt getting arrested for hitting his wife on the driving range. (And Petet Alliss was truly shit in Last Of The Summer Wine).

Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me. an old axiom consigned to the annals of time it would seem. In todays climate of political correctness where offense is feigned in order to garner a financial windfall at the courts and the slightest offense is deemed newsworthy, It has this old cunt wondering who decides what is permissible and what is not. I grew up in a generation that said it like it was and no one got upset and if they did fuck em, You called a poof a poof and they knew they were poofs (not many about back then) I worked in a smelter with an African chap we affectionately called "Darkie" Darkie liked being called Darkie and he was a cracking lad, he called me simpleton and we all got on fine. There was no malice and no one got uppity. Do those things now, and you are screamed down as a racist or a homophobe as war cries by the ignorant. Who has the right to say that calling someone a poofter (now unacceptable) is more harmful then calling someone fat? (acceptable) The harder we look, the easier it is to find things that may be considered offensive and hone in on it where to another person, It's drawing a long bow. I for one, wont be changing or toning down my language and behaviour which for the best part of 80 years has been permissible just because some poofter cunts in the legal system and the PC brigade tell me times have changed.

My missus wanted this nominated. She gets absolutely flooded with these infernal, cuntish things. Which Star Wars Character Are you, which dog breed, what century should you be in... FUCK OFF! It's a shame there isn't a "SEND ELECTRONIC DEATH SURGE" button our keyboards for these smeg munching cocksuckers.

Have any of you seen this ridiculous fly on the wall reality show set in a Bristolian maternity ward? It occurs to me that Bristolians spend hours talking absolute mindless gibberish at the best of times. Give them a baby about to be delivered and they step up a gear. I can scarcely believe what I'm seeing and hearing. Most of them seem to be unemployed and uneducated chavs on their fifth and sixth babbays. "Ooo ark at sheee. Naaaa aaa aa".

When I want to watch a science program, I want it paced above the speed of a slug. I'd like not to see the same fucking meaningless animated graphic 37 or more times in the same program, and a bit less deeply meaningful music and long tedious pauses in the script into which to place it. Just get on with it! Dear TV producers, stop being afraid of pitching stuff a bit higher up the scale; those who want it will watch it, those who can't cope won't... or are you just going for mindless rating figures? Feebly-pitched science programs that don't get stuck in and talk about the difficult stuff properly are cunts.

What a fucking pair of heinous cunts. I don't believe in God but I think the pic is a fucking warning of fucking Armageddon if these two cunts got to run the fucking country. She is bad enough but he looks like the fucking evil cunt he is.

I am the king of wishful thinking.

It has been announced today that 650 nonces have been rounded up across the country. That's 650 we never knew about for fucking how long? Among those taken in, are ex-coppers, Dr's, foster parents, Social Workers, school teachers, sex-crime criminals (on the register) and a scout master, some of whom have been considered to be such a threat to kids that they've been kept in custody... and not one single politician. Now aint that something, eh?

It's all I ever seem to do at the moment.

Please excuse me as I'm being serious for once. The situation not just in the U.K. but the world in general is at an all time crisis point. Are people taking more drugs now then twenty years ago,? probably not. It's the effects the new party drugs are having that's so much more dangerous. Take a drug like PCP which has been known to make people mutilate themselves and others, or Ice which can cause heart attacks or depression. In my sleepy little home town the coppers busted a rather substantial ice kitchen and cunts that knock about with my grandsprogs were selling the shit for them. when I was up and about we dabbled with pot and the odd line of cocaine was being in the upper social circles but that's about it and the effects are minimal compared to the shit that's being cooked up these days. Chances are, we all know someone who is secretly caught up this kind of bollocks and that's a sad reflection on the state of affairs. Sorry to bore you with a serious nom but drugs are bad m'kay.

Yesterday I decided to be a luv and took Mrs Grumps out for breakfast. We had a lovely black coffee each and then the bacon and eggs arrived, the toast and bacon were cooked beautifully but I felt my blood pressure rise when I turned my attention to the eggs. The fuckkers were the consistency of snot and so raw I could see the chickens arsehole from which they come. I said "waiter!, get fucking over here!" some poof in a vest and neck tie minced over to our table "How may I assist you sir?" I said "Do these look like scrambled eggs to you or the remnants of last nights cluster fuck the chef scraped out of her knickers and put on my plate?" by now people were looking and the mincer said "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to calm down or leave" with that, I rose from my chair with the blinding speed of an irate octogenarian and threw the plate of two day old spoof eggs all over the toffy cunt and left. Mrs Grumps was so turned on by the scene that we made mad passionate love for a good thirty seconds when we got home and she got to eat her scrambled eggs after all. Don't you just love a story with a happy ending? I do!

And anyone who disagrees is a massive cunt who needs knocking out. Just watch this fucking video.

You gotta give this Greasy Greek-Geek some credit... After all, he is donating all proceeds from his re-issue record sales to C C and "Live Sell-Out Nights" are pending at a Closet-Club near you...

This seems to be the immediate "in" answer to every celebrity interview, sporting moment or rock singer chat.Every cunt blurts out "It was Surreal" so often now that it seems almost compulsory.There are more cunts saying "it was surreal" than there are proclaiming they're gay. X factor contestant. Footballer. TV chef Cunt in street interviewed by local TV . It was surreal was it? Just fuck off and buy a thesaurus. Fucking twats.

Saps of the corner, I invite you to join me in flidding the flids. Once labelled a flid... always a flid.

A bunch of gang banging arse pumping murdering poofs, these cuntbreeds make up 0.1% of the prison population but are responsible for up to 20% of murders in prisons, their pastimes include drugs, inmate arse letting, extortion and they like kill people on a regular basis, and they sport awful tattoos.

It really fucking windows me up when perfectly able bodied cunts walk fucking slowly or otherwise clog up the pavement. Why do groups of tourists deem it necessary to take up the entire width of the fucking path? Are they doing a fucking grave search or something? Then you get the cunts who like to just stop dead in large groups and start photographing. Why can't they use one of the many large spaces there are in this city where people can gather? And tourists and locals, don't look so fucking surprised when I barge through the middle of your "search team". Why the fuck should it be me dodging and diving all the time for you inconsiderate cunts? It doesn't matter which way I turn, there is some cunt walking at me. I think I might have to make my self a belt with metre long metal spikes sticking out all around. I wonder how many of them would just ignorantly walk at me then? I imagine there would be a bloodbath, but either way it's win win. Get the fuck out of my way, lunch break theiving cunts.

Israel

What fucking cunts. Accidents do happen, but spilling something and pretending not to know anything or even see it is a selfish, cowardly fucking thing to do. Grow a pair, tell somebody about the spill so it can be taken up before the stain sets.