Rev

I'm in little doubt that you'd need to scoop out a few kilos of Marmite from her soggy gammon hangers to season the dough before allowing it to prove.

Her queefs must sound like a frenzied round of applause.

I want her dead.

Never watched it, but was always intrigued about how Mary Berry gave her other half a hand-job with her sclerotic Jeremy Beadle hands.

Perhaps she just hoists her kilt up and lets her crusty old stinking yeast cake flop out to her knees and watches him having a pedal, while she wrings the Thrush out of her bri-nylon gusset.

Just now, camberwell gypsy said:

I had a similar offer from Neil a few weeks ago. He said he had some kittens in the back of his transit and would I like to take a look. But I didn't fall for that one. It's american hardgums or fuck all. 

Fucking amateurs.

34 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Being a newbie it's not a good idea to steam straight in to a veteran. Even though he is a pale shadow of himself, he is well able to destroy any new, wet behind the ears whipper snapper like you. I suggest you keep your head down, learn the ropes and let the old soaks of the site to take down Frank. Learn from it and come back stronger.

Now, would you like a go on my tits? I'm bored. If not Pen's always game to handle new members 

I'm utterly shocked that your kind offer has been so rudely summarily dismissed, Gypo.
If it's of any consolation, I will gladly keep you occupied for a few minutes and have a go on your tits as a selfless conciliatory gesture.
But I must forewarn you, I expect you to scream sweet profanities in my ear and supply your own peanut butter. Blood-letting is entirely optional, but it may affect my performance.

This hook-nosed, jaundiced streak of cross-dressing, comedy-vacuum piss needs sealed in a concrete chamber with that other fat hairless lefty cottaging lesbian Matt Lucas and exposed to a canister or two of post-Weimar pesticide.

Then incinerated.

That is all.

I'd slap this Desperate Dan looking bottle-blonde cunt good-looking and give her a good old traditional fingering until she had to wring the Thrush out of her crusty gusset.

On 29/09/2020 at 23:14, Cuntybaws said:

Not a tit man, then?

To be honest, I'm not a fan of the Jolie hoor Mr B, but if pushed, I'd jet-wash the lantern-jawed Pitt cunt's tubby custard out of her slobbering uterus and proper fucking bruise her bastard kidneys, then simply finish off by sitting on her missing tits, rip the fucking skin off the old fella and give the Mekon-looking cunt a proper hosing with the Rev's special chutney. 

...obviously after I'd asphyxiated the cunt and combed the vintage toffee-strings out of my arse-hairs with the Viet-Cong adopting sow's ridiculous teeth.

Hope this helps in bringing clarity to and establishing my position.

This gammy-jawed republican cunt should be sacked. But Bunter Blackford has instead withdrawn the whip from the heroin-soaked sow.

She can barely write her fucking name at the best of times, but this exemplifies Scottish politics and she won't surrender her £78k (plus £120k+ expenses) pa.

Cunt.

I want her dead.

Personally speaking, I'd be sunk to the fucking nuts up Maleficent's tubes, live action, or not. She looks a proper filthy bastard.

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

@Rev. Rock Paper Scissors for which one of us gets first go on the slut?

I suspect it might take a dozen of us just to make her clapper airtight, judging by that picture.

I'd still rattle the cunt up the mud-hut and bruise her lungs.

I'd probably flip old Amanda over and hammer her up the dung-hatch to be honest. I'm sure her cervix, while possibly still being serviceable (and more than accommodating) will almost certainly be leaking a constant flow of Thrush with the consistency of Dairylea years after the irretrievably unfunny Les Dennis cunt slung his flaccid lady-finger up there.

Naturally, as a gentleman, I would take the precaution of applying a builder's rubble bag over her head and secure it in place with a couple of zip-ties around her throat for that Michael Hutchence experience.

Albert de Salvo was a cunt.

I've mulled over this nomination, even given it some serious consideration and have concluded, I'd fuck the tubby one and drown the other three wall-eyed talent-resistant cunts in my favourite culvert just outside Aberfeldy.

Jack Elam was a cunt.

If ever there was a cunt needing properly Sutcliffed with an inordinate degree of prejudice before being Sparta-kicked through a bark-stripper, it's this magnolia-toothed, Cliff-felching fucking sow.

One can only imagine her highly discoloured and oily giblets must nowadays resemble a slobbering bulldog with a galloping yeast infection.

I want her dead.

I wonder if the Swash cunt has ever got his wife's gammon hangers to froth like a bill poster's bucket...or even if the pigshit-thick puddle-drinking bastard would want to. I'm convinced she's that cottaging chut Rylan Whatever-his-fucking-name-is, who has a detachable Rolf Harris beard and occasionally tucks her cock between her legs.

How this pair of mouth-breathing arseholes with the collective IQ of a fucking Twix achieved celebrity status is fucking beyond me.

I want them dead.

13 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

This has made me all nostalgic for the old Corner, where seldom a week went by without a scatological nomination of some sort from Drew Peacock. In fact, my all-time favourite ever thread was the @Rev's "Getting Toilet Duck on your nob", genuinely the funniest thing I've seen since the twin towers fell.

To be honest, once the sodium sulfate works it's inevitable piath down to your frenulum, it's fucking Game Over.

The positive aspect is that it kills the Thrush you've just contracted off your latest dead hooker.

Win/win in my book.

On 23/08/2020 at 18:27, Eric Cuntman said:

Do you mean 'Voivod'? The name of some death metal band I think. I seem to remember @scotty referring to Ratty or Rev as 'Vods'. And to Ape as 'Dapps'. 

All before my time and a reminder that relatively speaking I'm still a noob.

Indeed. They were an appallingly shite band to be fair. However, I was both voevod and ReverendCoitus in previous incarnations.

I was a cunt then and am a cunt now.

Consistency is the key, I believe.

On 21/08/2020 at 17:54, Cuntybaws said:

After making 25000 posts in the last decade his decision to focus on quality over quantity seems a reasonable one. I doubt I could persuade him to change his mind, as things have never been the same between us since I highlighted his unmanly fixation with scatter cushions a few years back. That said, if someone were to start a thread about the SNP and drop a few @Rev's into it they could probably summon his vengeful presence - he really hates those cunts.

Why, thank you for your very eloquent testimonial, Mr B. Yes, yes I do hate those parochial nationalist arse-candle cunts...although it would take me very little persuasion indeed to fuck the absolute piss out of Kate Forbes, if only as a salient reminder to her evidently commodious gammon hangers that galloping Thrush doth not a political point make. She's a bit of a tough wank, buy I'm resolute in my intention of making her paraurethral ducts gush...in the nicest possible way, of course.

35 minutes ago, cuntspotter said:

Hi Rev.....how are yer doin?..... how’s that Frances Rossi Tele?

It's the Parfitt Tele, Spotto. A Tony Rockett build. Think he's retired now. You could launch it out of a speeding car and because it has that Gibson wraparound bridge, the fucker will stay in tune. Excellent piece of kit.

On 05/08/2020 at 19:02, FuckOff said:

Some cunt here mentioned that servicing my Seat Toledo is cheap. Not so.
Although I don’t have a Seat in my collection I have started work on renovating my Lamborghini (I’ll post up pix when the derision dies down).

I pulled out the engine and started to strip it down, the two clutch plates were badly worn so a trip to San Pedro de Alcantara this morning to get them sent off to Málaga for new facings.
I’ve replaced the release bearings with pattern parts not Lambo OEM stuff.
The heads came off easily ready for cleaning and grinding in the valves. The cylinder bores look OK with no steps. The pistons also came out fairly easily, however I noticed that there was one broken ring.
So tomorrow I’m biting on the bullet and taking the cylinders and pistons to a specialist workshop in Algeciras, Cádiz province where they will I’m sure, at great expense, hone the bores and fit new piston rings.
I’m doing all of this outside in 35ºC+ heat and getting burnt to bits.(it was 43.5ºC here last Saturday).

What a cunt I hear you all thinking, and you’re correct.

Yes. Yes, you are absolutely correct in your assertion. You are indeed a cunt. 

Please fuck right off at your earliest convenience.

Arrivederci bastardo.

10 hours ago, Trucking Funt said:

Jewish birds have smelly minges.

I reckon old Emily's flaps have a piquancy of oven-fresh Bakewell Tart. 

She needs pinned down to her news desk and throat-fucked.

Dustin Hoffman's a cunt.

I'd fuck her.

I'm out of the loop on the internecine feuding on here, but had my day brighten immeasurably upon learning that one of those Commie AntiFa/BLM fuckwits managed to get his empty head flattened when the statue he was pulling down burst his skull like an over-ripe turnip. I do hope it's life-changing and that he spends the remaining time he has left pissing and shitting into a bag.

Michael Schumacher's a cunt.

This ginger cunt-stick can fuck right off.

There's as much chance of me apologising for being white as there is of black people apologising for rap music and innit culture. They can take my knee and blooter it up their swarthy fucking dung-hatches.

Sidney Poitier is a cunt.

Old news now, but I'll similarly never tire of looking at her rather jaunty tits.

Ten years from now the cunts will be scraping the pavement in front of her and her soggy labia will be slopping around her fucking arthritic ankles. But for now I'd still empty my clackerbag down her neck.

Far from wishing to diverge from the quite cerebral political discourse regarding Ms Patel here, if it's of any help at all, I'd bruise her fucking kidneys black and blue all night long.