Last Cunt Standing

I thought the tender for delivering sex education in North West schools was awarded to the Rochdale Kebab collective? Presumably Brook is an employee who spends their non-scholastic working hours scraping Garlic Mayo off the Formica. 

1 minute ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

I believe so. Shall I book you in for a single or twin room. 

Don't forget your refund if you're not able to get up for the breakfast you senile old hag.

The proprietors have thought of this.

Every room has a little card door hanger with the breakfast menu on it so you can have Osama the bell boy bring up a cloche covered tray in the morning. I wouldn’t request the bacon mind you, it has a distinctly Ricin-like aftertaste.

And whatever you do, don’t eat the little green chocolate left with your nightly turn down, as you’ll find lifting it off the pillow triggers an IED in the headboard. A thousand rusty nails covered in goat shit going straight for your carotid is the sort of service which made Afghan hospitality famous. 

Don’t expect a Gideon bible in your nightstand. 

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Perhaps the biggest cunt in this whole sorry tale is Karen Partington, Chief Executive of Lancashire Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust. She wrote a letter of apology to the Mumsnet cunt even though no actual complaint had been received! She didn't even have the courtesy to inform the surgeon that she had taken it upon herself to offer an apology on his behalf.

I wish they'd had the gumption to tell the whining bitch to fuck off for a spot of health tourism to Albania next time her brat had a tickly cough, the stupid fucking Munchausen-by-proxy cunt.

 

No chance of this Baws, NHS Management are more supine than the French Infantry, and their endless pandering to “service users” has rendered most Doctors as impotent as Pele after a night on the beer. In many cases the idiots have quite literally taken over the asylum. 

Now I must go, I have an elearning module to do on female genital mutilation, which is a perfect accompaniment to this evenings Snooker final. 

25 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

June 10th 2017 - seems like she's going for the Oompa Loompa look.

I’d say the psychotic bitch was trying to channel Noel Gallagher. 

9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Manfully" is pretty much the last adverb I'd apply to the cunt; and their daughter shits in the street like a common dog. (April 26th, 2017)

Indeed Baws. And in the self same post from April, she reveals her bastard spawn ran around the doctors office picking up the sharps bin and pissing on the floor. 

Hepatitis C followed by fulminant liver failure would be a blessed release from having this window-licking monstrosity mother you for the next dozen years. 

Poor kids have no chance. 

If Premier Inn decide to open one of their suburban tramp warehouses in Aleppo, I do hope they send their erstwhile ambassador over there to test the mattresses and gurn into camera for a new TV ad. 

The prospect of grainy iPhone footage splashed over Al Jazeera of the Dudley Dickhead kneeling on a sand dune in an orange jumpsuit would be the funniest thing he’s done since flanning Sally James on Tiswas. 

With the exception of his marriage to The Elephantine Vicar of Dibley of course. 

A colleague who spends his time tending to the broken bones of pensioners in the Liverpool area recently directed me to this website as we discussed the plight of Colin Bailee, the Surgeon and purported offender in this story from November, during the tea break of a medical conference. 

http://mentalmummy.co.uk/

So it seems the “boxheaded wife who looks like she can only get wet through the act of complaining on social media” has form for bipolar and anxiety. 

Who’d have thunk it?

Cunt. 

Given the collapse of the Pound versus the Euro, people might be looking a little further afield for their two weeks of fun in the sun.

Step forward this delightful little place available this Summer, highly rated by Trap Advisor. You’ll find there’s plenty of room around the pool, all the Goat you can eat in the buffet, and the entertainment team will make sure your evening goes with a bang. The recently renovated penthouse suite has a beautiful open-plan feel, with the newly-distressed picture window offering breathtaking views of the Infidel Bar and swim-up USS Cole simulator. 

For those seeking something different, why not try the Tora Bora experience where you too can try hiding from Hellfire missiles while simultaneously shooting a beheading video for Al-You Tube. A unique incentive scheme means Rotherham Taxi drivers can bring their family for free, including those paler nieces they’ve been hiding in the flat above the Kebab shop. In the evening you can pop down to the Grand Bazar, where you’ll be amazed at the range of suicide vests, Charlie Hebdo memorabilia, photocopied CRB certificates and rectum-sized Heroin packages you can pick up for pennies. 

Direct-to-building flights with Atta Airways keeps those transfer times to a minimum. 

Judith Chalmers is a Cunt.

Fuck off. 

1 hour ago, Punkape said:

I’ve seen the Miami Dolphins play whilst golfing in Florida.

I found the game went on far too long and the flow was ruined by incessant interruptions,player switches and Tv commercials. Most of the spectators were obese peasants and the beer was weak.The cheerleaders looked like hookers. 

After an hour and a half I thought the game was over only to discover it was only half time.....I left at that point very unimpressed.

You should've picked a better Team, Punky. 

I'd have thought the LA Rims or the Seattle Spunkhawks were far more your cup of Budweiser. 

Note doubt you left at halftime to slip off to Confession at some Miami mega-church full of exiled Cubans - Our Lady of the Immaculate Liferaft or some such?

1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said:

Firstly Sir, you are a cunt.  2, the U.K is not a shithole, it is just that people like Bubba and Manky make it appear as such. 3, the next time you are returning from Wogga Wogga land, I hope your plane crashes. Fuck off.

I thought you were dying of some hideous tumour you Francophile goose strangling Cunt?

or that "apathy had gotten you". 

Here's praying for a nice cerebral metastasis you absolute fucktard. 

Frameless windows are a common design phenomenon these days, but on icy days like these they are a right pain in the hole. Parked up in an airport car park and returned to my car only to find it welded shut by cunting ice and frost, and the auto-drop when the door opens/closes won’t work so I drove home with my door half-shut and alarming. 

A right cunt of a way to come back to this frozen island shithole after a fortnight in the Emirati sun. 

Fuck off. 

1 hour ago, Neil said:

Touch up!,I'd make straight for the 'wide reciever' and then the 'tight end'

Terrify them, Neil...show them your damaged helmet. 

8 hours ago, Rick_B said:

I don't mind a bit of cricket. The problem with the game is that successive governments have been so scared of the power of the Murdoch family that in order to get their support they have allowed it be become a private game for Sky customers only.

It’s on BT Sport in the U.K., Richard. 

31 minutes ago, Albert Ross said:

I'd rather be raped first and then get the shit kicked out of me.

Oxymoron alert, you gurning moron.

I don’t think you can have the shit raped out of you, then kicked out of you, for surely any seriously aggressive bum action would leave very little shit to be kicked. 

I will however defer to our resident secretary of the Cheshire Branch of The Vatican Golf Society, who I suspect is something of an expert in the finer detail of rough sodomy. 

8 hours ago, Piston said:

I won't bore you with the details of the never-worked, motabality car, carers allowance for one another....households. You'll presumably know the story well.

I know one such that would easily consume your, my and 3 other family's NI contributions and our CT too and still need more.

What percentage of a town's population can be carried by the working 'strivers' before the burden causes them to stop trying too?

Something does indeed have to give.

Stay warm this winter, burn a Grauniad reader.

Mrs T would be proud of you my neoliberal individualist friend. 

I mean, fuck collective security, eh? There’s no such thing as society, after all. 

I’m sure you have plenty in the Swiss account, so much so that even a catastrophe like Motor Neurone Disease would provoke barely a shrug from your bank manager. The £1m+ in expected lifetime costs could easily be met with a cheque from Coutts, and certainly wouldn’t require your wife to sell a kidney or your daughter to go on the game. 

I mean, why should “The Strivers”give a shit if their neighbour goes from respected professional to drooling spastic with a catheter and a conti pad in less time than it takes for Lewis Hamilton to park his new jet at Douglas Airport. Fuck them, eh? The concept that you can measure a civilisation by how the weak and vulnerable are treated is just a load of wet Commie wank to you I don’t doubt. 

If you do worry about the demands on the government teet, how about means testing the Boomers with their vast unearned housing wealth before you start on the sick and disabled, you warped Cunt. Did Grandad have a black uniform and armband in the loft or something?

Mail readers don’t need to worry about staying warm in the winter, for it rarely snows in Hell. 

Attlee must be spinning in his grave. 

Fuck off. 

6 hours ago, Lady Penelope said:

Are you the man who mistook his wife for a hat?

No, I don’t suffer from Prosopagnosia. However I have a feeling I’d struggle to tell you apart from a piss-soaked old tramp.

Are you still carrying Punkys’ handbag down at Our Lady of the Immaculate Nine Iron or what?

On 27/11/2017 at 7:22 PM, Lord McCunty said:

I've never been particularly interested in violent sex, but I could quite happily shag tui woman as much as punch her.  

Are these two mutually exclusive?

Fred West didn’t think so. 

12 hours ago, Lady Penelope said:

I bought a new roller blind for the kitchen window. On the pack it said "just cut to size", I normally judge things well by eye. I have cut the bastard, cunting, fucking thing about 12 inches too short

I recommend a career in Neurosurgery, Pen. 

16 minutes ago, Albert Ross said:

She writes a book, then her company (Rigby & Peller)  loses the Royal Warrant. She deserves it, the cunt.

June would probably get on well with you Bertie, for she knows how to handle a Right Tit like almost no one else in Britain. 

9 hours ago, Decimus said:

You're a doctor, so you might disagree with me based on the whole "do no harm" spiel, but aren't all these old cunts the problem?

I'm not a medical professional, but as part of my role I do get given information regarding certain peoples medical situations. It's astonishing to read through the number of ailments some of my elderly referrals suffer from. It's often not singular, one recently suffered with type 2 diabetes, blindness, cardiovascular disease, osteoarthritis and vascular dementia. For a start, the quality of life for that particular person must be absolutely abysmal, but the cost to the health service in prolonging their life must be astronomical, especially when said person had barely any history of paying into the system. 

It's by no means an isolated incident, and I've come across countless other cases of elderly people with a whole spectrum of severe health problems. I'm not advocating leaving them in a corridor to die, but what is the sense in spending millions of pounds on prolonging the agony of people like this when the money could be better invested in treatments for younger, healthier members of the public who are better able to pay into the system once treated?

9 hours ago, Decimus said:

I agree to an extent. In principle I believe in universal health care for everyone, regardless of age, circumstance or means. The American system is anathema to me, and medical treatment should be a right, not a privilege. But in the cold light of day, our current system cannot continue the way it is without either increased funding or prioritising treatment to certain groups.

Personally I'd be willing to pay more in NI contributions to enable the NHS to provide universal care for all, but the current government doesn't appear to have the will or inclination to increase funding. 

Something has got to give.

Decs, you make fair points, and were this Question Time you could expect a warm ripple from the Tunbridge Wells audience.

Many a PhD thesis has been written on what is called multimorbidity and our ageing population. For example, in 1995 at my surgery the average patient visited 2.7 times per year, and had a total of 11.6 items per year on prescription. Those numbers in 2015 were 8.8 and 26.7. 50% of my daily workload relates to people over 60. This exponential trend shows no sign of stopping. We have known this for years.

The downside to preventative medicine (or upside if you are a GSK shareholder) is that that combination of blue pill white pill green pill five times a day extends your life so you can keep taking blue pill white pill green pill for 40 years. 

I won’t be drawn on the politics of who should get what funded. But don’t think the mess we are in is accidental. It’s a classic defund, destabilise, demonise, denationalise Con-trick as Chomsky predicted. 

Now, can we get back to calling a Cunt a Cunt, and Punkape a Cocksucking Fraud?

fuck off. 

20 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Oh, oh, I know this one. Is it ALL of them?

Correct Baws, you win a free Bed Bath. 

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/11/nhs-patients-dying-in-hospital-corridors-doctors-tell-theresa-may

And still the agony continues.....

How many pensioners can you fit in your average hospital corridor?

answers on a postcode to Jezza Hunt, Secretary of State for Geronticide, c/o 7th Circle of Hell. 

3 hours ago, Pricky said:

Blokes a fuckin’ cunt!

I think you mean Special K, which seems appropriate given I suspect you are familiar with being labelled “Special”, as in drooling vegetable.

Even for a first swing it’s a fucking shitty substandard effort, as my erstwhile fellow Cunts have pointed out. 

I suggest you read a book or twenty before you venture back here, or expect a merciless Cunting. 

3 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Only peasants watch football and only retards try to discuss it...

Fuck off....

A rare honour to receive feedback from your good self, universally adored by all who encounter him. 

Haven’t you got a hot date with Fr McFeeley behind the Confessional? Best get your cassock on, Punky...

Fuck Off...

On 09/01/2018 at 10:33 PM, Cuntybaws said:

A right pair of classy cunts, eh, with their plastic glasses and all-inclusive bracelets. (As if their awful fucking watches weren't enough of a give away.). They might as well just punch tags through their ears and have done with it.

Pigs are sentient creatures, Baws. These scumbags are Scousers, several notches below algae on the Attenborough scale of appreciable life on Earth. 

I pray nightly for a freak Irish Sea Tsunami to roll up the Mersey and drown this nest of thieving emotional incontinents.