King Billy

Marco Fu - have a big jimmy Judd Trump - Where’s my breast pump Stuart Bingham - somebody ring him Barry Hearn - anal ringworm

Mark Williams - Oh matron! John Higgins - Ivor Biggun Steven Hendry - long and bendy

Michaela Tabbs - genital crabs Tony Drago - anal impetigo

The pork sword

Syrup of figs - Multiple Miggs

Can I have some more pleeease?

I heard Jimmys dad only talked in the old Cockney rhyming slang and when he first saw baby jimmy he is said to have shouted “Fuckin hell luv you’ve done a Jimmy White in the bed

He’s on a winning streak then. You can’t keep a good nazi down

Nah

Yeah

Gissa kiss you fuckin big massive homo cunt

Tara fuckhead

Be careful your wife’s head might be in the way

With punkape sniffing the saddles

Gemma Collins’s choreographer

Die hard with a cosh negro

With his chopper hanging out

No that’s the peado fiddler earl of spunkface

You’ve been up all night haven’t you to see if you got a mention in the state of the onion address. Fuckin vegetable cunt

Oh yeah almost forgot earl fuckin spunk face eat shit and die and then fuck off you mug cunt

You need to learn pal. You can’t send yourself a message so probably best you just keep whispering in that fucking massive pork chop where your ear should be. Cunt

How come all these Hollywood hard men are like 60-70 years old and their birds are 21-30. My birds 28 so I must be a contender. Forgot to put stone in there. Fuck it

If anyone knows John Barnes will cos he beat up his missus so there you go. These cunts ain’t from the hood Bruv they don’t know it’s kill or be killed and he will find you and he will kill you. and surely he must get some credit for saving all them oven dodgers in shindlers list. Otherwise that means the oscars are all bollox and everyone’s a cunt

I had a friend once with whom I had many a fun filled evening discussing the interesting and hugely hilarious differences in the vast array of hats through the ages However we lost touch with each other when he blocked me on his phone and then moved address without leaving any contact details for me. He did however leave something called a nuisance injunction pinned to his door with my name on it which I thought was very nice as a farewell gesture.

It’s actually a tricorne in the style of Napoleon Bonaparte. The deerstalker simply wasn’t large enough for my weekly potato shop