King Billy

Gordon Brown famously tried to fool the masses by placing a welk in the socket once occupied by a genuine eyeball

True cos I once heard Clive Everton say “Jimmys lost the white ball”

Thank fuck for that. I need a new spark plug for my Honda generator. I’ve been down in my bunker now for 3 days trying to overcome my trembling limbs, huddled up in a ball in the corner behind the wall of spam and pot noodles, wondering wether to venture out into the wasteland to look for a Honda outlet.

It’s a thought but I would still go for the public skinning. Perhaps a people’s vote could decide this.

The old fashioned English working class rapist is almost a distant memory now, due to the massive influx of Eastern European sex offenders who have been undercutting our, admittedly lazy homegrown perverts for years now. All we want is a level playing field. Preferably with a dark wooded area nearby. This could be the brexit bonus they said didn’t exist.

Oops I did it again

Just skin her alive then. And another thing which to me is far more important than this devil puppet is the recycling policy IS seem to have adopted. Decapitated heads and dead babies should have a separate bin to normal household waste For God’s sake people “Think about the planet”

John Wayne Bobbit could probably have the final say on this topic as he arguably paid the ultimate price for sexual shenanigans

Double Jeopardy? Criminal justice act 2003

Today on Good Morning Britain we have the world renowned expert on Islamic terrorism, international law and basically the font of all knowledge to give us his considered opinion on the Shamima Begum conundrum. Drum roll !!!!! Please welcome Mr Danny Dyer!!!

Been watching a new tv series tonight about Peter Sutcliff. It’s called Whores under the hammer

Wish you’d told me that 5 mins ago. Ah well.

Cable ties can really injure a young ladies delicate wrists if 4 or5 impatient men are not carefull tightening them in their frenzy to get the job done

Who wants to know?

Do you wanna buy a dog?

Handcuff abrasions, CS gas injuries or tazer burns

Black eyes or broken jaws?

Neville You’re not still angry about your leg mate? Fuckin cripple!

Do they get their lads out Fathet?

Then I realised it was the missus cleaning out the fish tank

Aw come on now Ted!

My dad used to reminisce with us at family gatherings and one of his favourite stories about me was, When I first made an appearance on this earth he apparently shouted at the top of his voice “Fucking hell look at that cunt coming out of that cunts cunt!!”Oh how all the family used to laugh at his uncanny ability to get everything absolutely right.

Nice shirt son. Do they make them for men?

My first thought was what a load of cunts. And then my second thought was what a load of cunts. And then blah blah blah blah

Shakespeare had his critics Now look what you’ve done Your mums upset