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Three Cars, one Cunt


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I have three cars and have today rendered them all useless in a fantastic feat of self cuntery. I have a Landrover discovery. 7 seats, great for all the family. A Nissan Micra which is used for running about as it is parsimonious on fuel, and a Seat Cordoba which is just a comfy car that is pretty much for my own personal usage. The Disco is parked on our driveway, the Cordoba behind it and the Micra is out on the street. The Micra picked up a puncture so I removed the wheel. Unfortunately we also picked a puncture up a couple of days ago and I have been too busy to go and get it repaired. The wheel and the spare wheel have been put in the boot of the Cordoba which has now been open for almost a minute which is significant because it has a specialised alarm system which relocks everything if the drivers door has not been opened within 60 seconds. At this point I shut the boot and in the process of putting the spare in the boot, the keys have fallen out of my pocket. Now I had noticed this and momentarily forgotten. I remembered just as the boot slammed shut and the tell-tale sound of the central locking clicks into place at the minute mark. In summary, the Micra is jacked up with no wheel and no spare. The Cordoba has it's own keys locked in the boot. The Disco is parked on the drive and can't get out because of the Cordoba. The wife has a spare set but no one has seen her since she vanished off to Meadowhell early this morning on a shopping bender with her phone switched off. Three cars all rendered useless, effortlessly and this is the story that I have had to tell the RAC bloke who is breaking into my car for me and looking at me like I'm some kind of twat. Rothers...... you're a cunt.

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