KingRollo

Cloister the Stupid?

Sorry Dad...

Hi GG. Good question (actually, it's pretty des ordeurs, but anyway...) Firstly, here in the Kingdom, we are socially distancing. The mandated social distance for Pen is about 15 miles, or the distance from which the smell is no longer detectable, whichever is the further. Secondly, in her case, I wouldn't waste my time with ale... some formaldehyde peut-être, or perhaps some of Stubb's sodium hypochlorite. I hope that answers your question?

Hoping you'll pop up on a mortuary register...

Don't worry Eddie. It'll all be fine. We'll look after you...

Don't speak to me. You stink.

Now then Stubbs, there's no need for that attitude. As for my presence or absence, I am like Will-o'-the-wisp - sometimes you see me, sometimes you don't. Almost ephemeral, one might say. And I apologise for muddying the waters of this oh-so-fine music appreciation thread but, you see, young @Eric Cuntman was about to unleash the unholy plague that is Frank on my beloved kingdom. And I couldn't risk that. Not even for you!

'Sup Eddie? I wasn't talking about you! You can bandy about in your jester outfit here all you like!

You have to be joking! I am already trying to manage King Frank and his friend Boris in the midst of a Corona pandemic. The last thing I need is some venereally riddled jester bandying about the castle, giving half the "downstairs crew" Hi Fives! Wizard would never stand for it.

Yes, I must admit, that wasn't my finest moment. Constructive criticism always welcome, thank you Wolfie.

The piquancy is certainly a refined taste, only for the more sophisticated olfactory pallet. I am sure the Queen's pungency is the envy of your realm among the higher ranking classes. KR

Not just NI. The Swan in High Wycombe was showing the Rocky Horror last year - there was some nutter from the local church handing out leaflets telling all and sundry they were going to hell. My personal favourite though were the Mormons outside the Prince of Wales Theatre after performances of "The Book of Mormon" ... I actually thought they were cast members... Your queen is all class, and you are indeed fortunate to have her. Surely the lamb's a bit ripe by now though? Though, of course, if the rumours about her Maj's personal hygiene are to be believed, perhaps you don't mind that sort of thing? KR

GG is an aspidistra, solemn, couth and wise, But as a little seedling, he really was the pits, He went to school, he played the fool, telling tales and lies, And asked the grumpy caretaker about his love of tits. The caretaker, of stumpy hand, cared not for GG's jests And dragged him to the headmaster, for a lesson to be learned Complained, "This bloody idiot's been asking about breasts". The headmaster sent Aitken out, and then to GG turned. "So you want to know about tits, milad, you never are too young To appreciate the world of baps, the soft, the firm, the large But Aitken's not the chap to ask, he's kind of highly strung Since the incident with the shears where he lost his appendage".

Do you suppose he lost his ticket in the same freak event which robbed him of his digit? What sort of an accident would that be?

Which bits do you postulate to have been missing?

Rona Tutt says the majority of parents are supportive Headteacher Rona Tutt is very grateful to have a young, physically-strong, male caretaker at her school. I bet she is!

"Here's one..." "Ninepence" "But I'm not dead!"

He made a passable Sherlock.

Sound the alarm. Bar up the castle windows, lock the gates, lower the portcullis and raise the drawbridge. Whisperings from the Orient tell tales of a fearful plague about to be unleashed on a Covid-weakened kingdom. "King Rollo!" they cry, "how will we keep our groins and armpits fresh and buboe free?" "Use a deoderant and wear this!": Oh, and wash your hands. https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12046616/china-issues-epidemic-warning-bubonic-plague/

Is Westfields related theft a pastime you are especially fond of? Perhaps you could "aquire" some DVDs and pass them to Punkers to help boost his sales...

Sounds like a remake of the Milk Tray ad...

I've polished the sceptre once or twice with her in mind... not particularly satisfying though - everytime I was about to spill the Brasso, inexplicable images of Prince Andrew sprang to mind. Literally put me off my stroke and my plums are now like grapefruit...

I salute you.

David Cameron also had a thing for pigs...

Wow. When you said you were in the military, was it the Navy by any chance...?