KingRollo

Seriously isn't a word I hear often on here, Frank, but it's a civil question so I'll answer. Here is what it says about me on my Wikipedia page: Rollo: a childlike king who was always in need of advice and assistance from his friends. Among these were The Magician (a father figure); Cook (the king's cook, a mother figure, who was arguably the real ruler of the kingdom); his neighbour and girlfriend, Queen Gwen; King Frank; and Rollo's cat, Hamlet, who was generally portrayed as wiser than Rollo himself. Personally, I do not care for the somewhat casual and, dare I say, condescending tone of this entry. I'll find the silly bugger who wrote this and introduce them to Childe Harold - then they'll see what being childlike and in need of assistance really means. I bet it was Pen. Frank, thank you so much for your kind interest. I hope this answers your enquiry adequately. Warmest regards KR

To be honest, Major, I'd be grateful for any tips. I've had to raise a tax on the Kingdom to cover Covid related expenses and have resorted to living on @King Billy's generosity to keep me in crowns and soldiers. Thank the heavens for @King Billy! Oh, and congratulations on your ingenuity - there will always be a place for you in the Kingdom, we need movers and shakers! (Not the Childe Harold kind...)

Don't be silly.

Wizard called me a miserable little twerp once. It was because I didn't like the socks he gave me. They didn't match. Wizard said I was being too fussy, but given what he likes to wear, I don't trust his judgement - I mean look at him: I was most put out by the unkind remark and I do suggest you exercise some caution before bandying about ill-thought-out insults here on the corner, especially with all the complications from your head trauma - you may cause unintended offence.

What's a nodel?

You really are overestimating Pen.

I won't waste the bleach by drinking it, milady, when you clearly have urgent need of it for your douche.

Good afternoon indeed, my Lord and Liege. Queen Gwen has been in a foul mood. She came home one afternoon last week, looking like a bucket of wallpaper paste had been emptied on her and smelling like a kipper's pyjamas. When I asked her about the meaning of this, she just muttered "Cuntman" ... I don't think - Queen or not - she has any business calling me such names and I am considering a stint in the dungeons for her. The 10th viagra is always the "one which breaks the camel's back" - which is a disgusting practice but from your message, I gather no animals were harmed (although the budgies may need counselling...). Given the likely chafing and the risk of a zip-related accident, I am sending you an urgent supply of Wizard's robes. He also has issues in the trouser department. With sincere affection, Your humble servant, KR

Scat night at Club Pen?

My thoroughbred steed did the same as I was surveying the Kingdom, ensuring that those who have succumbed to bike related head injuries recieve the appropriate care (in the appropriate facility). I posit that both in your dog's case, and my horse's, the spontaneity was more worthy of attention than the ramblings of the unfortunate Childe...

Trucky would never get in his golf club because it doesn't exist, Pen. I, on the other hand, have a smashing golf course in the Kingdom. Punkape is not a member as we tend only to have actual golf, not windmills and tunnels (or other distractions of a baser nature).

I am sure he wouldn't. His club would be for golfers...

Wow. I used to work in Fareham... lucky escape!

Sorry Gyps. It's the pedant in me (not in a literal sense...)

Queen Gwen says that they're a fantastic department!

A bit of a reach is his speciality. Don't take it personally...

Not sure what you mean. You need punctuation, suffixes and/or pronouns: Piss, pants pedant - a command, followed by a rather bizarre noun phrase which suggests that I am a pedant, but somewhat lacking (i.e. "pants") Piss your pants, pedant - a clear command (but you need the word "your" in there) Piss-pants pedant - a noun phrase which, through the hyphen, clarifies that "piss" is being used as an adverbial noun, not a verb. It suggests that I am a pedant in trousers I have urinated in. Pissy-panted pedant - a conversion of the nouns "piss" and "pant" into adverbs to create a noun phrase; same meaning as the one before. How's that for a bit of pedantry? Also, the link between this attempted insult and the post you have quoted is less than obvious. Must try harder, as Wizard would say...

What?

That clears that up then. I must admit though, Josh Widdicombe is also not funny. And his Dad Ann is pretty shocking too!

What about this father and son pair? Do you share the widely held view that they are hilarious? Are they an exception to your premise?

She'd enjoy that, the dirty minx.

I wish! She has the best stylists in the Kingdom!

Couldn't if I tried! I just ooze pizazz!

Thank the Lord!

Classic.