KingRollo

17 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

You seem a bit grumpy these days KR! I have two theories as to why.

1) Tooth ache. 

2) Wizard took you to the overlook hotel when you were younger. 

Not really GG, more a case of an itch I mustn’t scratch. Have you got a spare leaf or two I could borrow?

18 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I reckon google has told her to fuck off and let the rest of the world have a go.

Like that’d work 🙄

3 hours ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Maybe she had to work on Ken Dodd's teeth and never emotionally recovered from it. 

Word has it that @KingRollowas once one of the Diddy men. 

Think you’re talking about Gyps, GG, and the spelling is ‘diddycoy’.

On 26/02/2021 at 10:50, Cunty BigBollox said:

The resident experts on crowns are Billy and Rollo so keep your fucking beak out. Cunt.

I defer to His Maj KB on all matters crown related. On another matter, I swear I read in here once that Roops was a dentist in a former life... is it not a bit odd that she appears not to have anything to contribute to this discussion?

13 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Don't waste your time. Harold is the 0.01% of germs that Domestos can't kill.

I remember you saying these exact same words about Bertie Ross... at least he was worth getting a rise out of.

3 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape were fortunate enough to receive our first AstraZeneca jabs ahead of schedule today, as a neighbour was out doing house call vaccinations and had several doses left over this evening that she didn’t want to go to waste. I’ll keep the foil-hatters informed of any attempts at mind control I detect once the microchips start taking hold.

Fuck off.  

Nice one

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Hamlet is a vicious little fucker. He might look cute playing catch in the arboretum, but after dark, I've never seen a more effective assassin. 

I made the mistake of calling him a ginger pussy once. It did not end well.

18 hours ago, Major Cunt said:

King Billy hasn't informed you that he's planning on waging war yet then, Rolly? I've been told to draw up plans for a full scale invasion of the fetid bogs of Ireland. Apparently we're after some upstart fenian called Panzer who's been causing trouble on the border.

I've been issued a photo-fit of the lead singer of Pogues as a reference, but I've a feeling we're likely to wipe out every male inhabitant above 25. Unfortunately I signed up for King and Country, so I'm just keeping you in the loop.

Send my regards to Wizard, and did he ever get the opium poppies sown? 

KB has my full backing and my army at his disposal (consisting of an alien aspidistra, a menopausal cook and Hamlet the Cat, under the command of none other than Sir @Eric Cuntman). However, if you’re planning on taking on every Shane MacGowan lookalike, it’s going to be a long, long campaign. Better take a change of clothes and a spare toothbrush.

Wizard’s gone off the idea of opium recently. He’s turned his good eye towards the imminent surge in demand for knock off Phil-the-Greek memorabilia. It’s all filthy lucre to him.

He sends his greetings and humbly requests the return of his lucky long johns.

14 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I shall let you know as one of Kates Albanian friends has just told us he can get a genuine Albanian licence for a cock and hen. Apparently it’s valid for tractors, donkeys and Formula 1 cars too.Phil has always wanted to try F1.  I think he can be trusted as he’s been spending a lot of time with Kate, looking after her while William’s  been at the gym getting himself into shape to teach young Harry a lesson if he turns up here with that dusky maiden again. What a lovely boy William has turned out to be. (Apart from the male pattern baldness thing). I’ve been wondering about Williams  ascendency and how that will affect me KR. I mean there’s going to be two King Billys and the last thing the country needs is a power struggle or god forbid a turf war. I know I could take him out in a straightener on the cobbles but I’m not sure if he fights fair.

The burdens of blue blood, my Liege. Frankly I think you have little to worry about for the moment as, when the time comes, young Charles is sure to want his fifteen minutes having waited so long. 

9 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I suppose a corgi and a crunchie is out of the question. Times are hard at the moment Your Majesty. I’ve had to sell Phil the Greeks Range Rover for scrap. The chap who came to collect it said he’d never seen a 2 year old car in such condition. I could tell he was impressed by the way he stood shaking his head in disbelief.

No hand me downs then? I had no idea things were that bad - Young York best content himself with a Vespa or Reliant Robin. Cook will arrange the license for a date in Woking and two packs of B&H. Best I can do.

42 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Alas KR I can’t think of much at present apart from the tragedy of Phil the Greek lying in that godforsaken dump of a hospital, even if it does cost 2 grand a night. It seems like only yesterday when he phoned me to ask if I could get him a dodgy driving licence. He was mumbling something about the young peasants nowadays being bloody awful drivers who keep causing accidents around him and injuring themselves. ‘Bunch of bloody poofters’ he kept repeating. And now it looks like he may be taken from us in his prime. Sometimes I wonder if our blue blood is more of a curse than a privilege. I paid £500 up front for that driving licence too. I’m hoping Andrew might have it if he goes on his toes, which looks increasingly likely.

Regarding Harold, I think just release the hounds.

2 grand a night? I had no idea Phil had come to this, seems like he’s little better off than when he was stuck in that orange crate. Tell you what, I’ll have Wizard organise a ‘just giving’ page for him. You were ripped off with that license, by the way, Cook would have seen you right for a pony and a twix.

Just now, ChildeHarold said:

He's a card. 

You misspelled the last 3 letters! Sort it out, Harold!

25 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and sadly the damage was already done by this point. 

Monarchy has always been a divisive issue.

2 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Gissa Rolo! 

Oh shut up you stupid arse.

Just now, Roadkill said:

Make it a public stoning and you'll see the royal coffers expand twofold from the price of admission alone.

If I may break character for a moment and talk to you punter to punter - absolutely no one likes the cunt. He's a cancer that's proven too dense to react to chemotherapy, but too slow to spread, clinging petulantly to the bollocks of the site and proving nothing but a nuisance. 

Yeah I gathered. Most of us don’t come here to be likeable, let’s be honest, but there’s no need to hang a neon ‘kick me’ sign overhead (unless that’s the only way to attract any attention).

Anyway, back in character, a good stoning is just the ticket... @King Billy, any thoughts?

1 minute ago, Roadkill said:

Understood. Still the peasants will enjoy a good breaking at the wheel. I'll let the executioner know.

If anyone here would like to do the honours, I’m open to bribery.

Just now, Roadkill said:

Consider him your new court jester. The old one died of dysentery, so we just grabbed the village idiot and dressed him in his clothes. Sadly he can't juggle or do cartwheels like the old one, but the windows have never been cleaner and his incoherent ramblings can pass as riddles after a few tankards of mead.

He’s fired. There isn’t enough mead in the Kingdom to render his nonsense court worthy and Cook is affronted by your comments about the windows (though, privately, I agree...) 

I know court jesters are supposed to be silly but there are limits... 

48 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Can I have your last Rolo? 

Are you Pen’s alter ego?

42 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

My name is Michael Caine you know what? 

Not many people know that. Especially Rollocking Rolo. 

Even fewer care.

19 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

I have and they just walk away cackling and hooting after threatening me with a good going over. 

You know what, I believe you. Perhaps you should take the hint?

1 minute ago, ChildeHarold said:

Tell that to your average Dordogne Brit ex pat, pit bull walking, Sun reading, full english breakfast, TRYING SO HARD not to blend into the French way of life. 

No. You tell them. I’m not your errand boy!

3 hours ago, Decimus said:

I happen to believe old Withers. Ask yourself this, who in their right fucking mind would ever want to pretend that they were French? Even the Belgians invented their own nation to disassociate themselves with the cunts. When people would rather be Belgian than French, you know your country has a terrible image problem.

Take your point but I think the phrase ‘in their right mind’ presents a bit of a gaping hole in the argument in this particular case... 

30 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

He's a complete bellend. 😁

I think he’s just confused. It’s probably the syphilis.

2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Have you ever had the pleasure of the company of Fenella, the Kettle Witch? I think the accent means she might be related to Spotto.

They’re all related in that neck of the woods. There’s a rumour that Chorlton’s dad is also his uncle... would take more than being a ‘happiness dragon’ for that mud to unstick. Apparently webbed feet are commonplace in those parts, so Wizard tells me.

11 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

What would King Frank want with your trousers? Were they clean? 

Due to Brexit, and a certain scrawny habitant of this very corner, there is a generalised shortage of drainpipe trousers. King Frank conned me into a little gamble on the dressage... 
Cook laundered them especially for Frank, though I don’t understand the copious amounts of bleach that are now missing from the pantry. Hope she’s not making incendiary devices...