KingRollo

5 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Indeed. He doesn’t look quite right to me in any case. Do you know if he went to Eton?

I believe he went to school with Punkape. Hope that answers your question.

8 minutes ago, King Billy said:

The poppy crop hasn’t lived up to expectations this year and unfortunately I’ve had to turn down the British Legions request again. My old friend Mehmet the Turk snapped them all up. I can’t believe what a true British patriot he is, for a fucking greasy foreign cunt, but he pays cash and that’s good enough for me.

GOD SAVE THE KING. (ME)

Mehmet's not welcome in the Palace - he came to our engagement party, uninvited, turned his nose up at the hog roast, refused to sample the liquor and stole our entire store of toot.  Caught him smuggling it under his turban. I'd be careful if I were you.

KR

6 minutes ago, Trucking Funt said:

I heard Big Ted got done by Operation Yewtree and Jemima went on the game.......How the fuck do I remember this shit?

A veritable tragedy, Big Ted was always over at the palace for sleepovers - I think I had a lucky escape!

7 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Much more of this shit, and Roops will throw in the towel.  I only hope it's a fully loaded menstrual one, and hits the boring cunt(s) full in the face. 

That's just disgusting. You should know better.

8 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Pen, and Punkers are the general constants in this structure.

Are you sure you haven't been here before? You can't be one of the usual suspects as they wouldn't remember your kingdom being too young.

I might be wrong? 

I used to hang around the corner a few years ago, then Wizard got jolly batey about all the time I was wasting and took away my Commodore 64. I am of legal cunting age now, though, so have rejoined and there's nothing the wrinkly old ball-bag can do about it!

11 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Eric has asked me to give his usual tesponse to cold callers: Fuck Off! Now open mouthed marvel at that sycophant. 

FUCK OFF!

4 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Do it, do it, do it...

Ok.

5 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Eric has asked me to give his usual tesponse to cold callers: Fuck Off! Now open mouthed marvel at that sycophant. 

1. I responded to Eric - therefore categorically not a cold caller.

2. What's a tesponse?

3. Nothing usual about being told to fuck off by Eric - unless you're a blithering idiot - think he must save all that for you!

4. I, on the other hand, do not recourse to telling fellow corner dwellers to fuck off. Not even Punkape or Pen. I am, however, seriously considering making an exception for you.

8 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It is I who should apologise your majesty. I was heavily drunk. I think I went out in the early hours and sacked Trumpton.

No problem Eric, I quite understand. Wizard always complains about his terms and conditions when he's had one too many from his special cauldron.

Glad to hear your judgement wasn't wholly impaired and I hope you burned down Trumpton clock.  They were forever bragging about their stupid clock, "Telling the time, steadily, sensibly; never too quickly, never too slowly. Telling the time for Trumpton". What the hell else is a clock supposed to do? Stupid sods.  And Camberwell fucking Green can go next on your list, Eric: if you come across Messers Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb, hang them all.  Especially Grubb.

I am thinking about putting you on the honours list to be knighted for service to the realm - Sir Eric of Cuntman. Does that appeal to you?

1 hour ago, Major Cunt said:

Thanks for being so candid, Rolly. Ive heard the kingdom has incredibly fertile soil perfect for a certain herb. Now the Major's more than prepared to work with wizard on this. In fact, when I broached the idea he suggested turning the kingdom into a full blown narco state, and suggested we grow opium too. Why do you think my dear friend King Billy is recession proof? It's not just the brothels. 

Hmmm, the Narkingdom of Rollo has quite a ring to it!  Cook would probably like to expand her herb collection, I am sure; she is always looking for something to take the gamey taste out of the geese we are reduced to eating.  Opium is an interesting idea - I  believe Wizard is pretty au fait with the stuff - although the Emperor of the Orient might have something to say about it if we start competing with Eastern markets.  King Billy is a dear friend indeed.  I had put his wealth down to his court's distillation of pimpery to a fine art (I am sure he does not sully his own royal hands, but doubtless the wisdom is passed on.) I have heard tell of the legendary brothels - Queen Gwen refuses to allow me to visit though. Are you a regular frequenter?

Scrotes, if you want an invitation to the Palace, you just need to ask.  No need for all this passive aggression.

7 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

I hear it's partly nylon and self lubricating, but that's what you're mates have told me. 

you're = you are.

Possessive preposition = your.

10 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Unlike you I am not selfish and self-centered my hopes are for you .. I would be quite happy for someone to turn you into an abstract or just a blank canvas.

I also have hopes for you Pen, I'd be quite happy for someone turns you into a sentinent being rather than the dribbling carcass in the corner, but unfortunately that just seems a little far fetched.

16 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

I can only hope that someone will come along with a big fibretip pen and draw a thick black line through you.

I imagine you could only hope for something thick and black going through you Pen.

1 hour ago, Gronda Gronda said:

Maybe he needs to watch a few episodes of Words & Pictures. 

5 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said:

You're being silly again, Frank.  KR told you to pack it in. 

It's ok GG, I understand that I need to be patient with him.  If he still doesn't get it, I'll ask @Roadkill to explain it in pictures.

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Stop talking about me in the context of a fucking serf. It's about time you showed some appreciation for the cunt who keeps the hoi-polloi distant from your portcullis.

If my garrison is a source of amusement, I shall take it over to King Frank and invade with extreme prejudice. 

Eric, you are indispensable and no serf. I apologise for any offence caused by my careless words.  I only meant to imply how praiseworthy your ... ahem ... gifts to the palace are, and how gentlemanly you have been in the wake of the wallpaper paste scandal.  Forgive me.

With humblest apologies,

KR

5 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

I am sure that is some sort of spy code for  "I have the package you are seeking and will make the transfer at midnight in the usual place." In effect, Pen's favourite bush on the Heath. 

I'd steer clear of Pen's bush if I were you. I hear that thing bites...

10 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Has anybody received your last rolo and did they survive the diabetic coma.?

Have you been getting tips from Pen?

5 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I’m not sure ‘accident’ is the correct adjective to describe smashing someone off their tricycle in a Hummer and then throttling them with the oily chain, while jumping up and down on their face, laughing uncontrollably and screaming “Die Motherfucker!”

You make a good point KB.  I think Chelsea would find defending that quite a challenge...

20 minutes ago, ChildeHarold said:

Still on about the head trauma? Unintended offence isn't worth the paper its written on - like Chelsea's defence.

Chelsea's Defence sounds like a film suitable for the Hallmark channel.  I doubt such a film would be worth watching though. It would probably be a legal drama about a carer, looking after a tragic victim of a bike accident, who got distracted and let him eat crayons...

18 hours ago, King Billy said:

Her Majesty and I were discussing the current economic difficulties over at the House of Rollo, so this very morn I’ve introduced a stupid cunt tax across the Kingdom with quite harsh penalties (death) for any of the lower class who dare not to pay. I’ve instructed my minions to deliver a daily mountain of cash to your good selves until such times as you find your feet. Be a good chap and confer our best wishes on the delectable Gwen. Also we will be hosting the annual Cunts Banquet next month and will expect you both to attend in full regalia.

Yours as always, Your Heavenly appointed master.

KB

Your generosity is exceeded only by your charm, wit and fine looks.  Queen Gwen is literally tickled pink; being tickled in such a way as to induce such a livid hue is something she enjoys greatly, despite the moaning, and she would be pleased to return the favour on whatever occasion Your Majesties deem apposite.

I shall be only too pleased to wear my best socks and shiny buttons for your banquet next month - I have procured some of Eric's stash if you would care to share. He brought it by way of an apology for the paste-bucket incident.

Your grovelling servant,

KR

4 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The correct question is not who, but why.

Philosophy was never my strength - I'll ask Wizard and get back to you.

29 minutes ago, Frank said:

Seriously. I come on here to be enlightened by ex old bill, retired doctors, ex cons and thickos. What, exactly, are you all about? 

Seriously isn't a word I hear often on here, Frank, but it's a civil question so I'll answer.

Here is what it says about me on my Wikipedia page:

Rollo: a childlike king who was always in need of advice and assistance from his friends. Among these were The Magician (a father figure); Cook (the king's cook, a mother figure, who was arguably the real ruler of the kingdom); his neighbour and girlfriend, Queen Gwen; King Frank; and Rollo's cat, Hamlet, who was generally portrayed as wiser than Rollo himself.

Personally, I do not care for the somewhat casual and, dare I say, condescending tone of this entry.  I'll find the silly bugger who wrote this and introduce them to Childe Harold - then they'll see what being childlike and in need of assistance really means.  I bet it was Pen.

Frank, thank you so much for your kind interest. I hope this answers your enquiry adequately.

Warmest regards

KR

34 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Rolly, I've made £600 today from the comfort of my home. I know it's a pittance to your vast wealth, but I'm quite content given this current economic situation. 

To be honest, Major, I'd be grateful for any tips. I've had to raise a tax on the Kingdom to cover Covid related expenses and have resorted to living on @King Billy's generosity to keep me in crowns and soldiers.  Thank the heavens for @King Billy! Oh, and congratulations on your ingenuity - there will always be a place for you in the Kingdom, we need movers and shakers! (Not the Childe Harold kind...)