scotty

Jacko, check out the pm I'm about to send you. That is the funniest thing I've heard in years, well worth the 8 quid download.

http://www.sickipedia.org/forum/index.php?topic=117445.0

How much are you charging frank for his hand jobs nowadays, pen?

That's the worst of it, baws. In the dream/nightmare, I took her out for dinner and shagged her ragged afterwards. No paper bag involved. In my defence, I don't remember spunking over her tits. So that's a minor point in my favour in this sordid affair.

​I once dreamt that I was shagging patricia hewitt. Oh, the shame.

Blatter is the sporting equivalent of silvio berlusconi. A cunt of unimaginable corruptness, finally brought down to earth when the balance of power gets tipped, partly because of his age and accumulated reputation. He's become just slightly more of a liability to Fifa than his usefulness is worth to them.

They don't pay for the cars nowadays bill, they just lease them. He probably started with a fiesta and parlayed it up to the orange one after he'd convinced the dealer he had a credit rating.

....small but obvious fly, gently cast across bubbling water....followed by the expected bite.

Why did you even go to the checkout? What's wrong with just stuffing the dress up your jumper and pretending to be pregnant?

How 1970's, gobbler. We have internet porn on our mobiles nowadays, plus we can google "where did that blood come from".

Wine gums?? How passé. Try to show a bit of class, frank.

I'd have been about that as well, and I still think she's the sexiest creature I've ever seen. Those cheekbones, that pout, those legs........ sorry, can't type anymore, I'm drooling on the keyboard

Debbie Harry. Oh christ, yes.

Very true, ding. But somehow, she wasn't nearly as good looking close up as she was in her photos. Not sure why.

Even her sister drove round here to remonstrate with her, and her best friend over the road had a go as well. Wish I could go into the gory details, I'm still fucking fuming now.

There isn't any love lost between Southampton and Portsmouth, gyppo. On a side note, I have done some work for Kim Wilde, and she seemed pleasant enough. But, cynic that I am, I can't help feeling that her musical talents might have gone unrecognised if it wasn't for her father.

That's the least of her worries, gobbler. We're in the middle of a fucking massive row, there's more radiation emanating from our house than Chernobyl. And for once, she's in the wrong and knows it.

Oddly enough, I phoned my Mrs at work today to ask whether she'd ever had shooting pains across the chest, as if someone had a voodoo doll and was sticking pins in it. She said "no, why do you ask?" I said "how about now?"

I'm a founder member of the "Gone in 60 Seconds" club.

Done that, PK. Took me 15 minutes to crowbar the wife into the bogs, and half an hour to get a semi on when she peeled her clothes off. By the time I finally got near the vinegar strokes the cabin crew were thumping on the craphouse door thinking I'd had a coronary.

Your parents wasted their money on the costly education you claim to have received, didn't they.

That's pretty much government policy, bill.

What would have been utterly hilarious, and very nearly happened, was if Eastleigh had sneaked promotion to league 2. That would have left them as Pompey's local derby club, trust me, I'd have been down the silverlake stadium for that one. Maybe after next season.... Pompey might get relegated to the conference, or Eastleigh might go up.

Fuck off, I'm not driving to portsmouth every other saturday.

That's me deccs, just a forlorn nobody in a world full of cunts. Now you mention him, has peanut been on here lately? Haven't seen him in ages.