scotty

Out of interest baws, when you composed this masterwork, did you have any particular Dave in mind?

*sound effects offstage, footsteps down stairwell and rattling of keys. Keith calls from a distance..."She's fine, thanks."

No idea about her teeth proper, my eyes didn't stray any higher than her cleavage.

Didn't he manage to pull jane garvey? I always thought she was sexy as hell, not necessarily because of her looks, but because she was sharp as a tack on 5 Live. Peter allen ruined her for me though, the cunt.

Caroline Nokes, my local mp. Hot as fucking hades, and she's well up for a bit of playing away from the marital bed, as google will confirm. I saw her a few weeks ago at the Cromwell arms in romsey, cracking piece of stuff.

I'm actually afraid to google it.

I'd be right up your alley then, cat. (And no, that's not a euphemism.)

I'm sure you could turn him, gobbler.

I'm sure I saw Keith the other day queuing at the sperm bank. It could yet happen.

How can they tell?

Well, this is certainly the thread for them.

I agree london, that wasn't a criticism. I'd give her a fierce one too if I had the chance, but precisely nothing appeared in the press about it. On a side note, can any of the wimmin on here enlighten me as to how the scarecrow-haired buffoon seems able to shag any female within shouting distance? This is beyond my comprehension, I cannot imagine how any bird could possibly find him attractive.

Very true. Gone are the days when a few threats to the press barons would silence everything. There wasn't a word in the papers about Boris Johnson knobbing Samantha Cameron, but a quick google and bobs your uncle.

Ingham was a cunt alright, this is just one more reason why. He was perfectly suited to the "I'm alright jack" culture which pervaded the thatcher years; I'm willing to believe that if a chap was seen as "a good egg," "a decent sort of cove," or as so often got said in that era, "one of us," they would have got off scot free regardless of what they'd done.

...and another scotty favourite hits the corner airwaves. A cheap holiday in other peoples misery, indeed.

Count me out.

Add another "fuck off" to that list. Fuck off.

My favourite song, ever.

Fucking right snatch. If they don't want to even touch the fucking bottles they can fuck right off and work in a fucking monastery. Cunts.

I'd rather be in stoke than cuba. What a fuckup that place is.

You're misunderstanding this whole sorry episode, gobbler. They aren't refusing to dish out the pork and booze on religious grounds at all, the greedy fuckers just want to keep it all for themselves. nomnomnom.

He had his moments on tiswas, but before and since he's been pure unmitigated shite. His radio stuff is particularly appalling, about as funny as piles (your own, not someone else's.)

Flip Wilson was pretty funny. Except now, he's probably dead funny.

Did this televisual cuntfest have a name?

You heartless cunt. What would happen to those poor dinosaurs?