Decimus

Does she ever buy a round?

At 60 he was already 35 years above the average life expectancy of a Mancunian male. Couple that with the fact he was constantly pissed whilst swerving around the M60 on his 1992 Yeti Ultimate, and I'd say that he ended up having a fucking good innings.

They must have a loose definition of what's right and wrong ooop north if they let the Pontefract Pouncer sit on an ethics committee. Can you imagine the fucking minutes? They'd read like the script to 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner' if you could see the letters through all the cum.

Now that's a cum face.

25 years service man and boy in the Royal Lancastrian Potato Peeling Corps left Manky a post-traumatic, dribbling mess. A single glance from a Pakistani would be enough to make the racist old cunt take his old service spud gun off the mantlepiece and start shooting up The Arndale Centre.

Seven fucking nil. Two points, 23 goals conceded and only two scored. And that's on the back of Delia actually putting her hand in her pocket this time round. I truly fucking despair.

Don't forget though that Eddie single handedly beat up three 12 year olds who got lairy in a pub car park. If we're talking pure down syndrome rage power, how about the perpetually angry Bill Stickers? Although he'd likely have the bone density of a sparrow due to an exclusive diet of mung beans, as a far left mouthpiece, he's no doubt tooled up to fuck with devices from The Anarchist Cook Book.

You don't have to be a graphologist to deduce from this that we're dealing with the sort of sick cunt who carves his initials into fresh cat shit. For the safety of small animals and kids everywhere, I wish you'd killed this cunt, Eddie.

There was actually a French study early on I believe that suggested that smokers had some sort of protection. Like everything that comes out of that shit hole, it's undoubtedly bollocks, but I will say that Mrs D definitely suffered more than I did and she's a non smoker.

Exclusive footage of Proper attempting to root out the scourge of multi IDs:

As far as I'm aware. Same old hat, same old Commodore Vic, whizz bang popping, hamster wheel and steam propelled IP detector.

Obviously I was the third party:

Several returns, I think, and each time he had Venables and Thompson style protection from the admin team. Disgusting.

Were you around when Fender and Eddie were due to meet up for a straightener?

There's been a few over the years, Bubs. Can you remember Erroreptyle? When he wasn't grooming kids on XBox live he was writing fan fiction about a resurgent British Empire. He genuinely and without any irony once suggested that a rusted Royal Navy minesweeper based in the South China Sea was all that stood between Japan and invasion by the chinks.