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Decimus

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Everything posted by Decimus

  1. I haven't been able to purchase any pasta in over a week now. Spuds, meat, root vegetables and brown sauce seem to be in plentiful supply, but you can't get the ingredients for a decent Spaghetti alla Norma for love nor money. It's a shame Manky is no longer with us. I imagine he would be ecstatic that the British public are being forced to adopt a diet of mince and gravy without the filthy corrupting influence of foreign muck on our Aryan palates. I suspect that he'll be releasing a cook book with Nigel Farage any day now: "Corona Cooking: The Racist's Opportunity To Eat Fuckin
  2. Silence, you fucking spastic drunk cunt.
  3. Decimus

    Wong flu -Id19

    Jesus fucking Christ, anyone seeing this? Prepare for the New World Order Illuminati age. Fucking terrifying, and I mean the government reaction, not the Corona sniffles.
  4. I read the government definition of key workers today and was surprised to find myself amongst them. We were led to believe it would only be departments that administered payments of benefits or who were actively involved in providing relief to the public in relation to the virus. We've all been fucking lumbered into it now, from our caretaker down to the apprentice tea girl. Looks like I'm going to just have to go down the old fashioned route of pulling a two week sicky.
  5. How did I miss this the first time around! I'm assuming you meant Denham and not Denholm, because if so, my brother fucked her whilst at university. He wasn't quite as kind as your nephew, though, he said that she was a fucking state and a gobshite to boot, but had plenty of daddy's money to buy weed and sex toys with. From looking at her picture, I'd go with my brother's description of her over your kin's, she's got a fucking jaw and chin like Peter Beardsley.
  6. PM me your contact details and I'll get someone right on it.
  7. As Mrs D is a teacher, her and my three kids will be stuck at home from Monday for the foreseeable future. What the fuck is the agenda here? For a "global pandemic" that has thus far killed less than 4000 people and has a 95% survival rate, the international reaction has been completely fucking disproportionate. Either someone somewhere is making a shit load of money from this or something far more sinister is at play.
  8. Decimus

    The Chinese

    Indeed, Ratty. Despite some people giving it credence, I immediately dismissed it and filed it away under the same category as Nazi Lunar and Antarctic bases. The only genuine "mystery" of the war is why Hess was locked up until the day he died when far more culpable Nazis served half his sentence.
  9. Decimus

    The Chinese

    Never mind this low hanging shit, have you ever heard of Hans Zinsser, the German WW2 test pilot? I hadn't until today. Apparently, whilst airborne, he witnessed the explosion of a Nazi atomic bomb test over the Baltic in 1944. What say you? Personally, I don't believe that if Germany developed a nuclear bomb a year before Hiroshima that London would still be standing.
  10. We had a staff briefing today about our contingency plans going forward in relation to the virus. I shit you not, this was word for word what the big cheese said: "There are no plans to shut the council or to ban members of the public from coming into the building and utilising our services. We all joined local government because we have a sense of public duty and our priority is to help keep the public safe before ourselves". No offence, Drew, but I'd sooner look after my fucking self than put myself at risk just because you want to come into the office and kick off at someone
  11. I fucking despair of society. I went to several shops yesterday and could only find one bag of pasta. The streets are fucking dead. I got the train into work today instead of driving and on the 20 minute walk back to the station I saw one other person on the street. Now I'm here, the place is crawling with people in masks. Imagine people acting like this during the war when there were genuine threats to life on a daily basis. When did we all become so fucking bent?
  12. He does make a good point, P. Even the cerebrally challenged family of spam-headed, semi-retard Ant McPartlin had enough gumption to emigrate. One can only imagine the state of the O'Knacker clan, who along with a couple of hundred feckless tramps, appear to have been the only Irish too thick or lazy to have fucked off out of it in the 19th century.
  13. Decimus

    Wong flu -Id19

    I hope @Frank won't be included in this. Not because he was disruptive, abusive and crossed lines, I would have loved that. But more because he turned into a line-toeing, boring nonentity who for the past four years has just been here to make up the numbers. Frank, this is the first time that you have been banned that quite literally no one has called for you to be reinstated. That alone is testament to how shit you now are. Stay dead.
  14. Decimus

    Wong flu -Id19

    Mrs. R, my old friend. Has Withers been released yet, or is he due a reprieve in the near future? As unbelievable as it sounds, I miss the insolvent, old frog cunt.
  15. Decimus

    Wong flu -Id19

    I imagine that beyond his daily delivery from Bargain Booze, Drew has little to no contact with the outside world. Unless you can catch Coronavirus from a dozen empty bottles of Corona with smiley faces drawn on them, we'll just have to rely on him drinking himself to death.
  16. Decimus

    Wong flu -Id19

    I always knew living at the arse end of nowhere would come in handy at some point. With abysmal transport links to the rest of the country, Norfolk is so far the only county in England without a confirmed case of Coronavirus. Take that Suffolk, you diseased pigs.
  17. Decimus

    banging

    Don't answer this, Fonzy, for the sake of whatever remains of your arsehole.
  18. This is all very true. I grew up in a ramshackle six bed fixer-upper perched precariously close to the edge a desolate north Norfolk cliff. I can't remember there being a single day when my youthful pink skin wasn't brutally assaulted by a freezing cold wind off of the north sea. With only marshy bog to look at behind the house, and an endless expanse of grey, foaming ocean to the front, I spent my youth stealing my old man's tins and whisky inbetween praying the house would fall into the sea, with all my family still inside it. Belle and Sebastian was the soundtrack to my melancholy, ina
  19. So many things I'd like to say, but alas, Roops is online.
  20. I used to agree, mainly because one of my grandfathers came from up there and he was a cunt. However, after visiting Edinburgh I was mightily impressed, in my mind it's better than London. I wouldn't call myself a Scotophile and I hope they fuck off out of the Union and all starve to death within five years, but I now rate Scotland higher than many other insignificant plastic countries.
  21. Stubbs, I fear I'm developing an (even worse) problem with alcohol. Pissed up on a Tuesday night like some depressive suburban, bungalow dwelling spastic, I now find myself drinking a snakebite on my lunch break. Alone.
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